What's Left of Me

My parents become less agitated once I start the drugs, knowing I’m following orders, and they encourage me to visit Parker’s family, but are very clear that I can’t fall in love with Florida and stay there. Jason doesn’t protest when Parker talks about leaving the practice for a week. In fact, he practically pushes him out the door.

“Ready?”

“Huh?” I turn my attention from the airplane window to Parker who is standing in the middle of the aisle. “Oh, yeah. Sorry.”

He helps me out of my seat and into the aisle, allowing me to stand in front of him. Grabbing our carry-ons, he ushers me forward.

“My parents should be waiting for us at baggage claim.”

Holding hands, we make our way through Palm Beach International airport. When we reach carousel ten, there is an older couple grinning from ear to ear at the sight of Parker. Letting go of my hand, he pulls his mom into a hug, then his dad, who is an—older—spitting image of Parker.

Parker reaches for my hand again. “Mom. Dad. This is Aundrea. Aundrea, this is Vicky, my mom, and George, my dad.”

“Hello,” they both say together. I watch their wide eyes take in Parker’s shaved head. He insists on continuing to shave his head until my hair has fully grown back.

Instead of my wig, I’m wearing a bandanna to cover the short fuzz that has started to grow back.

Over the last two weeks, I’ve gotten more comfortable going out with Parker without my wig. It still makes me nervous at times, but it’s a part of me and I’m not afraid to show who I am to the world anymore.

Neither of his parents say anything about his head or mine. I know Parker told them about my cancer, and from what he told me, they’re both interested in my care. I’ve heard him on the phone telling them about my diagnosis of cardiomyopathy and bringing me here, and they were both welcoming to the idea.

His mom grabs me forcefully, pulling me into a hug. “It’s so good to finally meet you. Parker has told us so many things.”

“It’s good to meet you too,” I breathe out as she continues to squeeze me.

“Okay, Mom. Loosen the grip.”

“Oh! Sorry dear. I’m just really excited to meet you.”

“Likewise.”

Looking at his father, I extend my hand. He takes it, shaking slowly. It’s a little awkward, but then he smiles a familiar smile, showing the same straight, white teeth as Parker’s. “I’m happy you could make it out here.”

“Thank you for having me.”

“Oh, don’t be silly. You’re welcome anytime,” Parker’s mom says.

We walk to the car after gathering our luggage. Parker’s parents walk together with their arms around one another’s waists. It’s cute. I hope when I’m older I have someone who still wants to walk with their arm around my waist.

The drive to his house isn’t that long, and soon we’re pulling onto a long road. I take in the sight of long, gated driveways, and houses tucked in the back with only their roofs in view.

“You didn’t tell me you lived like the Prince of Bel Air,” I whisper in the back seat so that his parents don’t hear.

“Ha! Hardly.”

“Well, we’re not in Kansas anymore, that’s for sure,” I say, stunned, looking out the windows.

We pull into a driveway lined with small bushes and large flowers in bright pinks, yellows, reds, and oranges. When we make it to the front of the house, my mouth falls open.

You have to be kidding me! “We’re definitely not in Kansas anymore.”

When the car stops, just outside the garage, I’m faced with the biggest, most beautiful house I’ve ever seen.

“Come on. Don’t be intimidated,” Parker says, stepping out of the car. His parents follow as I sit there looking up at the large yellow stucco house. The path leading to the front door is lined with the same plants and flowers as the driveway, with small and large palm trees by the garage and front of the house. The front door is in a large, covered entry, supported by two pillars in the same pearly white as the door.

Don’t be intimidated? I’m intimidated.

Parker opens my door. “Come on. Let’s go. I’ll show you around.”

“Yeah. I might get lost.”

He laughs.

“It’s not that big.”

“Sure. You could only fit four of my houses in this place.”

I stop when we walk into the house. The foyer is huge and open. There is a tall staircase to the right that leads to the second floor. The place is bright, white, and clean.

“Parker, why don’t you two go get settled? Maybe get your suits on and go relax by the pool after your long flight. I’ll make some lunch.”

“That sounds like a great idea.”

Parker’s room is on the second level. I wouldn’t even call it a bedroom. It’s more like a separate wing with a closet the size of my room back home, its own living room, and a bathroom the size of Genna’s kitchen.

“Where’s the kitchen?” I joke.

Parker picks me up and throws me on the bed. “Parker!” I squeal.

“I just wanted to see you in my bed.” He straddles me, pinning my hands above my head. “Don’t let any of this go to your head. This isn’t my money, Aundrea. My dad worked hard to get to this point in his life, and sometimes he can go overboard with how he shows it. I didn’t grow up here. I grew up with money, yes, but it wasn’t until my junior year in high school that we moved here.”

“But you went to a private school?”

“Yes, but not for the education.” Kissing the tip of my nose, he whispers, “I’ve always had a fantasy of sleeping with a naughty schoolgirl.”

“You’re something else. You know that?” I laugh.

“Do I ever.”

Parker and I get our suits on and make our way to the infinity pool out back. It’s huge and overlooks the Atlantic, with a waterfall in the corner that has a slide going right through it. There is a hot tub in the other corner, set in what looks like a stone cave.

“This is beautiful,” I sigh.

“But not as beautiful as you.” He kisses my bare head.

“Smooth, Parker.” I giggle. I love his cheesy one-liners.

His mom makes us sandwiches and margaritas. We spend the afternoon sharing family stories and swimming. His mom reminds me a lot of mine: unselfish, thoughtful, nurturing, and patient.

George has to make a few work calls, but joins us later.

“Is Lee coming?” I ask.

“No, dear. He had a business trip he couldn’t get out of. Next time, for sure,” his mom answers sweetly.

“Oh. That’s okay.” I smile. I was hoping to meet everyone, but I know that this won’t be the only time we come here.

We. I don’t think I’ll get tired of that. I never used to think about making plans for my future, let alone making them with someone, but it feels good thinking of my future with Parker.

That evening, we’re lying in bed, facing one another.

“Name the first thing that comes to mind that you’re afraid of,” Parker says drawing small circles in my palm.

“Heights.”

“Heights? That’s the first thing?”

“Yeah. I’m deathly afraid of heights. And roller coasters.”

I laugh.

“I’m happy you said that. Well, not that you have that fear, but I was expecting you to say something else.”

Like what, death? “What about you?”

“Being in the open ocean—feeling helpless and surrounded by sharks.”

I try to hide the smile that sneaks up. “Is that because you grew up near the ocean, or have you watched one too many Lifetime movies?” I nudge him.

“Not funny. And, no. Neither. Why is anyone afraid of anything? You think about something one time and wish to never think of that happening. That’s how I am with the open ocean.”

“Have you ever thought about confronting your fears? Maybe not that one, but something else that scares you?” I ask.

“Of course. I almost drowned when I was a kid. I refused to get in the water again. Maybe that’s why I don’t like thinking about being alone in the ocean. But, eventually, Lee got me to go back in the pool. He helped me confront my fear of swimming. How about you? Has anyone ever tried to help you with your fears?”

You. “You’ve already helped me overcome so many.”

Pulling me close, he gives me a gentle kiss. “How about we make a promise to start tackling our fears together?”

I nod. Does this also mean I’ll promise to confront my fears about marriage and children?

“I promise, Parker.”

The next afternoon, we’re sitting on the beach just down the few steps from Parker’s backyard. It’s gloomy, with a chance of showers and possible thunderstorms.

“I’m sorry our day was ruined.”

“Ruined?” I say. “This is far from being ruined, Parker. Sitting here, relaxing; what more could anyone ask for?”

He shakes his head and laughs.

Closing my eyes, I lean my head back so I’m looking up at the sky. It’s windy out, and the breeze is refreshing.

“It must be so rough having this as your backyard,” I joke, bringing my attention to the water where there are sailboats passing by.

“It’s rough, I tell you,” Parker mocks.

He’s sitting in a beach chair drinking a beer while I lie on a towel with my Kindle.

Thinking back to our conversation last night, I blurt out, “You want to know what I think I’m scared of the most?”

Parker is quiet, and I hear him take another sip before speaking. “Of course.”

“I’m scared that I’m going to go through life without leaving a trace of myself behind. I want to do things like travel, or be spontaneous, to show that even after I’m gone, I’ve left a small trace of me behind. I’m afraid that one morning I simply won’t wake up and there won’t be anything to show for the life I’ve lived.”

Parker moves from his chair to sit next to me. We sit in silence, staring out into the ocean.

“I’ve never wanted to get married for fear that I’d leave my husband a widower and, even though I want children someday, I’m more scared that I’d leave them parentless. I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love you, Parker. I think back over the time we’ve shared, and …”

I trail off, trying to find the right words. “Even though our time together hasn’t been that long, it’s been the best time of my life. I just want to go on living my life with you, leaving my mark.”

Moving in front of me, he puts a finger under my chin, forcing me to look up. I can see his eyes through his sunglasses, and I can see the moisture there.

“Aundrea, you have already left your mark.” Picking up my hand, he places it over his heart. “Right here. You, Aundrea Leigh McCall, are the beat of my heart.”

Parker has shown me that there is life beyond heartache. It’s through him that I’ve learned how to live to tell the story of my journey. I may never understand why I was given this life, or why I was given one obstacle just to have it replaced by another, but I have learned that without these obstacles, I would never have found the left to my right.