What's Left of Me

Heading to the hospital is the first time I’ve left his house since my last appointment. I read online that it could take up to twelve weeks to see my eyelashes or eyebrows start growing back. Three months seems like a lot, but two weeks have already passed and another four will be spent in the hospital, so I know I can handle it.

“Hi, Aundrea,” Dr. Olson says with a big grin. “Genna.” She shakes my sister’s hand.

“Tell me some good news,” I plead.

“How about great news?”

“That’s even better,” I say with an equally large grin.

“I have you scheduled for the transplant tomorrow morning. Your counts are fantastic, so I don’t want to waste any time.”

“So soon?” I’m beyond ready, but that means I won’t be able to have a full night with Parker before I have to spend four weeks apart from him.

Genna grabs my hand, looking at me with the cutest expression of pure joy. “Aundrea! This is so good!”

I’m overwhelmed.

I’m excited.

I’m speechless.

I know I still have a long road ahead of me, but this is the start of something good. It’s the start of my future.

I can’t wait to tell Parker. Dr. Olson isn’t sure how my visitations will work out quite yet, and won’t be until after the transplant. I can have people with me but, once I’m admitted, everyone has to leave. I can accept that.

I will accept that.

Genna is surprised when I tell her I want to stop by the clinic to tell Parker. I can’t wait until tonight, and I don’t want to tell him on the phone. I’m happy and want him to be a part of it.

Walking into the clinic, I’m thankful when no one is around besides Shannon behind the desk. I keep my distance with my head lowered, afraid to meet her eyes. I don’t want anyone to see me like this. Even though I have my wig on, I’m still missing two key features on my face.

“Aundrea! Hi! Parker should be out in a minute.”

“Hi.” I give a small wave, tucking my chin into my chest to hide my face.

“Genna, I think Jason is in his office,” Shannon says.

Just as I start to follow her down the hallway, I hear my name. “Aundrea?” He sounds surprised to see me.

I turn back around to see Parker standing at the front desk. “Hi.” I smile up at him.

My eyes meet Shannon’s and she smiles.

“Is everything okay?” he asks, concerned. He sets down the papers in his hands and walks over to me.

“Yeah. I just wanted to talk to you.”

“Sure, come on.” Taking my hand, he leads me back to his office.

As much as I want to tell him my good news, I really just want to feel his lips on mine, since I know I’ll have to go four weeks without them.

We walk in silence. He gives my hand small squeezes every few steps, and I already feel the anticipation building for when that door closes.

He puts the key in the lock and turns the handle, letting me walk in first. The door closes quietly. I almost expect him to come up to me, but he doesn’t. He walks over to his desk instead.

He motions for me to sit on the opposite side. I look at the chair and then back at him. This seems way too formal for my liking, so I walk over and sit on top of the desk directly in front him.

“I’d rather sit here,” I say with a devilish grin.

“Aundrea … is everything okay?” He sits up anxiously.

“Everything is great, actually.” I lean down and give him a kiss on the lips.

Lightly pushing my shoulders back, he holds me inches away. “Are you sure? How did the appointment go?”

“Good.” I move to sit on his lap sideways, crossing my legs. He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me into him. “My tests came back great. I get to have the transplant in the morning.”

Loosening his grip, he moves me back to look at my face, “Aundrea! That’s great! But … so soon?” He searches my face then gives me a tight hug and a soft kiss on the side of my head.

“Yeah! My counts are better than Dr. Olson was expecting at this point and she doesn’t want to wait. The only thing that sucks is that she doesn’t know when I can have visitors. You can come with me in the morning, but once I’m brought to my room it may be days or weeks before I get to see you. It just depends on my immune system and labs.”

“I’ll be right here waiting. Just think of all the books you’ll get to read,” he says with a laugh.

“You going to miss me?” I ask.

“Nah.” I can see him fighting to keep a straight face.

“Not even a little?” I pout.

“Nope.”

“What if I’m going to miss you?”

“You’re just going to miss my body.”

“Not true. Okay, maybe a little true.” He nudges me playfully when I say that part. “Okay, I was kidding!”

“Will you at least send me naughty pictures?” he asks.

Laughing, I shake my head. “No! But maybe, if you’re good, I’ll sext you.” I giggle.

His eyes perk up at the thought. “I like where this is going. Maybe you should give me a preview now.” He whispers into my ear, pulling me closer.

I close my eyes at the feel of his breath against my neck.

“Come on, Aundrea. Say something … dirty.” His wet tongue is on my earlobe. Sucking it into his mouth, he bites down hard, and I moan. My heart starts to pound, and I’m sure he can hear it over my suddenly labored breathing. “Tell me. Tell me what you would say to me. What you would do to me.”

He starts to kiss down my neck, bringing one hand between my thighs and forcing my legs to uncross. His other hand grips me around the waist tighter. “Aundrea …”

Closing my eyes, I find my voice and whisper faintly, “I’d tell you how I wish you were with me.”

“What would I be doing to you if I were there?”

“Your hand between my legs would be replaced by your mouth.”

“Do you want my mouth between your legs?” Do I ever!

I nod, and his hand slowly begins to move in small circles, rubbing against me through my jeans, the ache between my legs getting stronger.

“Tell me, Aundrea.”

“Yes. I want your mouth on me Parker. Right. Now.”

He stands effortlessly, lifting me with him in one swift movement, then placing me on his desk. He sits in the chair, scooting it closer. Reaching up, he unbuttons my pants and pulls them down until they reach the floor, followed by my ballet flats. His eyes never leave mine as he lightly pushes me flat against the desk. He rests my legs on each side of the chair. My hands reach for the edge of the desk in anticipation and I squeeze tightly.

He glides his hands up my legs to my pale pink thong. He pulls it down slowly, trailing kisses down my thighs as he guides my underwear all the way to my ankles. He doesn’t stop kissing my leg as he lifts one of my ankles and grabs my thong with his other hand, tossing it to the floor.

I quiver at the thought of him touching me with his tongue. I feel his mouth above me, a cool breeze on my bare skin; then the tip of his tongue moves slowly up my wet center. He licks me in smooth strokes up and down, between my folds and around my swollen bud.

“Fuck, Aundrea. You’re dripping wet.” I moan at his words, letting my head fall off the back of the desk, causing my wig to fall to the floor. He starts to move his tongue faster, making sure to touch every part of me, and I tremble with each movement.

“Parker.” His name falls from my mouth hoarsely. He continues to flick his tongue and his fingers slide into me. My breath hitches in my throat and I buck my hips, rocking against him. His hands grip me tighter, guiding me against his face and fingers.

As I try to bite down on my lips to keep the moans from getting louder, Parker picks up speed, forcing my cries out.

“Shh, babe.”

“I can’t. Oh, God. Parker.”

I can feel my inner muscles tightening around him.

“That’s it, baby.”

My climax starts building within me, sending electrical waves through my body. Panting loudly, I try to catch my breath to speak, “Parker. I’m going to …”

“I know, baby,” he says as he pauses to speak.

“Don’t stop!” I shout, and he immediately makes contact again, sending me over the edge.

Chapter Twenty

“You don’t have to say anything, Aundrea. I get it. You’re scared, but just because you can’t see your future, doesn’t mean I can’t. I see it clearly because I can see mine.”

One week after I enter the hospital, my blood counts are high enough for my immediate family to come visit me. They are given strict instructions as to what they can and cannot bring into my room, as well as a strict time limit for their visit. Parker had yellow roses, my favorite, sent to my room with a small note: “ Thinking of you.”

Parker comes to visit the second week. I’m not sure how he persuaded the nursing staff to let him into my room, but I make sure to thank them numerous times. We are given specific instructions not to kiss, as my immune system is still weak and I can’t risk catching anything. One of the nurses makes special rounds on my room just to make sure we are obeying.

He helps me set up an app on my Kindle so that we can video chat, and as soon as he leaves he chats me.

Over the next days, he brings me with him wherever he goes via video chat: the car, clinic, his house, and, once, to the grocery store. One night we watch the Wild game together, and the next night he puts on a movie at his place, props his IPad up, and we watch it together. Of course, we talk the entire time.

It’s as if we’re never apart.

There are times he calls me to see what I’m having for dinner, then insists on making the same thing. The second time he visits he surprises me with Chinese food, which, unfortunately, doesn’t go unnoticed by the staff for long. The smell of the fresh noodles, vegetables, and chicken fills the room and wafts down the hallway. The charge nurse takes it away because it can bring in bacteria. Blah. Blah. I just roll my eyes as she walks away with my lo-mein.

The best surprise is the day he has a book delivered to my hospital room.

“Parker!” I scream into the phone.

“Yes?” he asks, laughing.

“How did you know to get me this?” It’s the second book in the paranormal series I’ve been reading.

“I noticed you were reading the first one, and this one was just released, so I thought you’d enjoy it.”

“Thank you! I can’t wait to read it.”

“You’re welcome.”

I have more blood tests and, in the third week, a spirometry test to check my breathing. My blood counts are coming back right on track, but my blood pressure has been increasing and my heart rate is rapid. Dr. Olson puts in a consult for a cardiologist to see me who, in turn, orders an echocardiogram and an EKG. My parents are concerned when I tell them the results showed tachycardia. Despite the nervousness in their voices, I tell them to stay home. There is no need to panic or freak out before I even have news myself.

I meet with a cardiologist who starts me on beta blockers to help with my heart rate. He explains that with the chemotherapy elevated heart rate is not uncommon, and explains that I may not need to be on them long. He isn’t too concerned, but insists I be monitored closely, and orders a full heart workup after my release, when all my counts are within normal range.