Wanted: Undead or Alive (Love at Stake #12)
Page 23Phineas nodded. “You feel responsible for her.”
“Yes.” Brynley took a deep breath. “So after my mother died, Phil had his fight with my father and left. It nearly killed me. I kept leaving notes at Phil’s cabin, hoping he’d see them and come back. I begged him to come back. And then finally, nine years later, he shows up at the cabin with Vanda. A vampire! And I find out he’s been living with vampires all those years when I needed him so much.”
“You felt betrayed.”
“Yes! And angry. And happy, too. I was delighted to have Phil back in my life, but I was so angry that he’d chosen vampires over me, his twin sister. So I guess I channeled all that rage into a hatred of vampires. Vanda, especially. I’ve been so rude to her.”
Phineas rubbed her back. “It’s okay. I think Vanda understands.”
Brynley sighed. “She’s always been kind to me. I don’t deserve it.”
“Don’t say that. You deserve kindness as much as anyone.”
She gave him a sad smile and touched his cheek. “You’re such a good man, Phineas.”
He rested his hand on top of hers. “Brynley, I’m falling in love with you.”
With a gasp, she pulled her hand back. “Don’t say that. We can’t . . . there’s no future for us. You know that. You said it yourself.”
“I’ve changed my mind. I used to think we were all wrong for each other, but now I think you’re perfect.”
She shook her head. “No! I’m not perfect for anyone. My father would try to kill you.”
“I’m not afraid of him.”
“You should be!” She jumped to her feet with tears in her eyes. “You should stay far away from me. My father will track you down and punish you. You don’t know how terrible he can be. He—” She backed away, a tear tumbling down her cheek.
Phineas’s breath caught in his throat. She’d already admitted that her father had mistreated her mother. And other women in the pack. What had he done to his daughter?
“Brynley,” he whispered. “What did he do to you?”
With a strangled whimper, she pressed her hands to her mouth.
“Oh shit.” Phineas felt sick to his stomach. He thought back to the expression she’d used earlier when she’d called them survivors. “He’s the one, isn’t he? He wounded your soul.”
Chapter Fifteen
Brynley paced across the cafeteria, but the room wasn’t big enough. Her wolf clawed at her insides like a caged animal. Free, it had to get free. Panic swelled in her chest, threatening to explode.
She pulled open a glass door and dashed outside. Tears blurred her vision, and she stumbled to a stop in the middle of a basketball court.
Dammit, she should have never fallen for Phineas. Now she’d have to chase him away, and it was going to hurt like hell. Once again she would be left all alone.
You have me, her inner wolf growled, louder than ever before.
It’s not enough! she screamed back. I want more! But she couldn’t have Phineas. Ever. Her chest seized with a pain that nearly doubled her over.
“Brynley,” Phineas called after her. A door clicked shut behind her.
Oh God, no. He would want an explanation, and she couldn’t talk about it. The memories hovered over her like a toxic cloud. She couldn’t breathe. She swiped at the tears on her face and sprinted toward the woods.
“Brynley, wait!” Phineas ran after her.
She plunged into the woods and weaved through the trees, heedless of the branches that swatted her face and caught at her hair. She couldn’t run fast enough.
Flashes of memories bombarded her. Memories she’d tried so hard to forget. The night she was chased. Hunted. The fear. Terrible, escalating fear. Terror. Panic.
Footsteps pounded behind her. They were coming after her. Hunting her. Getting closer. No escape. Don’t look back! For God’s sake, don’t look. She’d made that mistake before.
“Brynley!” Phineas yelled. “Slow down! You’ll hurt yourself.”
His voice. His beautiful voice that made her melt inside. Her steps faltered.
“Brynley!” he called to her. Behind her.
With a start, she whirled around to face him, her hands lifted to defend herself. An animal-like growl escaped from her mouth.
“Whoa!” Phineas raised his hands, palms up. “It’s me. I would never hurt you.”
She struggled to breathe and looked around her. Oh God, what had she done? She’d freaked out again.
“Breathe slowly.” He stepped toward her.
She immediately stepped back, then halted. She wasn’t a cornered animal. And this was Phineas. He would never harm her. She ran a trembling hand through her hair, brushing away the leaves that had tangled in the wild strands.
She took a slow, deep breath. The scent of wood, fern, and spongy earth filled her nostrils and calmed the beast inside her. She’d stopped in a small clearing where the nearly full moon shone brightly.
Phineas was watching her, his expression alarmed and worried. Great. She wouldn’t have any trouble chasing him off. He probably thought she was crazy and already regretted any feelings he had for her.
He motioned toward the building. “You want to go back? We could talk.”
She shook her head. “You can teleport me back to the school. Those other guys at the cabin can help you. You don’t have to work with me anymore.”
“You don’t want to help me now?”
She steeled her nerves. “I . . . don’t want to see you.”
He frowned at her. “Are you trying to dump me?”
“We both know we can’t . . . be together.” Her heart ached with every word. “We should just say good-bye and—”
“No! I’m not giving up on you.”
“I—I don’t want you.”
“I don’t believe you. You were all over me last night.”
“That was nothing. Lust.”
“Really? Then jump me again, and we’ll see what happens.”
With a wince, she stepped back. “You don’t want me. I—I freak out. I’m damaged.”
“No, you’re beautiful. But some asshole has hurt you really bad. Tell me what happened.”
Tears filled her eyes. She shook her head.
He took a deep breath. “Fine. I’ll just figure it out. Nod your head if I’m right.”
“No. Please, don’t.”
He leaned against a large maple tree and folded his arms across his chest. “Let’s see. You were hurt and abandoned when your mother died and Phil was banished. You were eighteen, right?”
“So I guess you went to college then? You teach English at the academy, so that must have been your major.”
The flutter skittered up her chest to her throat.
“You felt alone, betrayed, and abandoned. So . . . you reached out to someone.” He grimaced. “I hope I’m wrong.”
He wasn’t. The flutter made her feel light-headed, so she rested a hand against a tree trunk to steady herself.
“Did you fall for someone?” he asked softly.
Her fingers dug into the bark. Her first lover. His arrogant face flitted across her mind. Why had she ever thought he was handsome? “Seth.”
“Seth.” Phineas said the name as if it left a foul taste in his mouth. “He listened to you. Made you feel special. Warm and fuzzy. And furry. I bet he was a werewolf, too.”
She nodded.
“And you were so damned lonesome,” Phineas grumbled. “And hurt.”
More like pathetic. A tear rolled down her cheek. “He said he loved me. He asked me to marry him, and I said yes.”
“You thought you were in love?”
“Yes.” She wiped away the tear. “I wanted to be in love. I wanted to believe love still existed, and someone could love me.”
“So you got engaged.”
She nodded. “I took him home to meet my family. My dad approved of him, and I thought everything would be perfect.”
“What happened?”
“I overheard him talking to my father one night. Dad was congratulating him on a job well done. And Seth asked how many ranches he would get for marrying me.”
“Damn,” Phineas whispered.
“Yeah.” With a groan, she leaned her back against the tree. “My father set the whole thing up.”
“Asshole,” Phineas growled. “And that Seth was an idiot if he couldn’t see how lucky he was to have you.”
She waved a hand. “It’s typical male werewolf mentality. All they can think about is acquiring territory. Land means power to them. They want power, prestige, big herds of cattle, horses, and sheep. A mate is just the bitch that gives them cubs.”
“That’s sick.” Phineas paced across the small clearing. “Why do the women put up with it?”
“They’re all hoping for the prestige of mating with an Alpha. Only a chosen few can do it. The other women—they’re not any different than the non-Alpha males. They’re all pack members and have to submit to their master.”
“It sounds archaic.”
She shrugged. “It’s how the pack works. There can be only one Alpha, and the others must submit. Or be banished. It’s drummed into us from birth that we must be in a pack. We can’t survive otherwise.”
“You’re brainwashed.”
“Most werewolves are very happy in the Lycan world. Everyone knows the rules and knows their place. There’s a strong sense of community and security.”
“Tell that to the Lost Boys.”
She winced. “Obviously, it didn’t work for them.”
It was true. Even as a child, she’d never wanted to obey. Her father had deemed it Phil’s fault, that he’d influenced his twin sister with his rebellious Alpha tendencies. But it was more than Phil. It was years of watching her mother suffer and seeing how totally oblivious her father was to the pain he caused.
Deep inside her gut, she’d known it was all wrong. She’d read about love in books, seen it portrayed in movies, and knew it had been twisted into something ugly in the Lycan world. There was no love there. Only manipulation and deceit. Users.
“I was alone with my mother when she died. She regretted that she’d always submitted. She said I should have a choice, that I could choose freedom if I was strong enough.”
Brynley sighed. “She wanted me to be strong, but after she died and Phil left, I became depressed. I felt lonely and weak. So I fell for the first guy to come along.”
“Seth,” Phineas muttered. “Please tell me you didn’t stay with him.”
“No, I broke off the engagement. His family already had a big ranch in Idaho, but he didn’t want to give up the ranches that were promised to him, so he pestered me until I managed to chase him away.” She tilted her head, remembering. “In hindsight, it was actually a good thing. It pulled me out of my slump. His betrayal made me angry, and the struggle to get rid of him gave me a purpose. It made me a stronger person.”
“How did you get rid of him?”
She shrugged. “Male werewolves like to think they’re especially gifted in the sack. It just took a few rumors flying around campus that I’d dumped him because he couldn’t perform. Then of course he had to prove the rumors wrong with as many girls as possible. He got one of them pregnant, the daughter of a local Pack Master, and he was ordered to marry her.”
Brynley smirked. “Over the years, I’ve gotten really good at chasing guys away.”
Phineas gave her a stern look. “It won’t work on me.”
She matched his look. “That remains to be seen.”
He prowled from one end of the clearing to the other. “So what happened then? Did your dad keep picking out suitors for you?”
“I really don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
“Why not? Are we getting to the bad part?”
She made a face at him.
“When did you join the rodeo?”
She crossed her arms. “After I graduated. Dad just sent the suitors there. I kept chasing them off. It was really frustrating.”
“I guess your father was pissed off.”
She swallowed hard and nodded.
“What did he do?”
Brynley turned to rest her brow against the tree. This was the part she didn’t want to talk about. She’d never told anyone. Not her sister. Not even Phil. If only her brother had been there. He would have protected her.
“Brynley.”
Right behind her. She whirled around. “I told you not to do that.”
“I told you I’d never hurt you.” He rested a hand against the trunk and leaned toward her. “I’m not leaving till you tell me.”
“Why are you so pushy?” She shoved him away and paced across the clearing.
Chicken, her inner wolf chided her. Tell him. Are you going to live in fear for the rest of our life? Will you keep on jumping in terror whenever someone comes up behind us?
No, she couldn’t talk about it. It was too painful.
A surge of power swept through her suddenly, taking her by surprise. It was the wolf, pushing at her restraints, urging her to rebel. Where is your anger? We’re a noble wolf! A fierce hunter! And they turned us into prey.