Walk the Edge

“Good,” I answer, able to attain a somewhat normal voice.

“Good,” he repeats. “How’s your phone?”

“Terrific.” When did I become the queen of one-word answers?

“Terrific.” His eyes are laughing. At me. With me. I’m not sure, so I return to facing the front. Holy freaking crap, Thomas Turner is attempting conversation with me.

I’m greeted by two wide-eyed and slack-mouthed friends. Addison’s gaze flickers between me and Thomas so quickly that I’m afraid she’s going to make herself cross-eyed. So...yeah. I left out telling Addison about my few minutes alone with the motorcycle boy, so that would mean that Reagan’s also in the dark.

Please act normal, I mouth.

They tilt their heads as if I asked them to explain osmosis.

Addison blinks as she snaps out of her shock, then clears her throat. “So...it’s settled. As soon as you break free from babysitting prison, we’re going to Shamrock’s tonight.”

Thomas shifts in his seat and my neck twinges as I feel his eyes on me. We live in a small town in a sparsely populated county. Everyone knows Shamrock’s is a bar near the Army base. They allow anyone eighteen and older, but we’re not supposed to drink. Rumor has it the Army guys have no problem buying alcohol for any girl underage.

I’m going to admit, I’m not eighteen. I’ve never drunk before, not counting a few sips of my mother’s wine under her visual guidance, and a small glass of champagne at my grandparents’ anniversary party last year. Other than that—nothing.

I’m also going to admit, I’m curious. About drinking and bars and Army boys. I’m excited about a dimly lit room and neon lights and a glittering disco ball creating a rainbow.

The sane portion of my brain reminds me of the parental talks and just-say-no lectures I’ve heard in my life. All that common sense is fighting against the notion of going, but like wearing the short skirt to orientation the other night, I’m ready for something new.

I’m searching for magic—not the Christmas-morning type, but the type of magic that can be found by being courageous, being the girl who takes chances, being the girl who will dance. I want to be the girl who is seen.

“Shamrock’s can get rough,” Thomas says loud enough we can hear, but low enough that the three of us can’t figure out if he was intentionally joining our conversation.

The bell rings, the morning announcements start, and it’s the click, click, click behind me that gains my attention. It’s not fast, but persistent, and my instincts nudge me to turn to confirm it’s his pencil, but that would mean looking at Thomas, and I’m not sure that’s a good idea. I can already sense his warmth, and I recall how his fingers held mine when we shook hands.

Our teacher writes on the dry-erase board: Zhofrph edfn, Vhqlruv!

The sights and sounds fade as my mind rearranges and translates the letters. My notebook’s open and my pencil scrawls along the white paper. E is the most common letter used in the English language. T would be next followed by A, I, N, O, S.

Our teacher’s talking. Rambling how she’ll give a hundred extra credit points to anyone who can solve the puzzle by the end of class. She’s saying some other things, too. Like my name. After a push of Addison’s elbow to my desk, I absently say, “Here.” After another passage of time I’m pulled out of the zone when I hear, “I only respond to Razor.”

Then our teacher says other things. Things I should possibly pay attention to, but can’t.

The wheels are spinning. I write down each train of thought, watching the correct letters come up like dials of a combination lock. Each click audible in my head, and it sends me higher and higher, and when the last letter falls into place, my seat jerks beneath me.

Addison and Reagan turn at the sound, and so do others. I use my hand to cover my answer because I don’t want anyone to know I cracked it. I will not relive middle school again.

Our teacher assesses me, then continues to summarize our syllabus. Everyone else eventually faces forward and I allow myself to revel in the solution glory.

Forty minutes eventually pass. We hear about rules and projects. Books we’ll read and movies we’ll watch. As always, there’s a discussion of expectations. At the end, our teacher grants us ten minutes to tackle the problem and I spend that time doodling cloud-inspired sheep.

The bell rings. Addison and Reagan give me a quick ’bye and bolt, since their next class is on the opposite side of the building. My class is down the hall, so I’m slow packing my stuff.

The booted feet that were beside me are now drawn back, and there’s a squeak as the desk behind me tips forward. A quick scan confirms the classroom is empty. Our teacher stands in the doorway with her back toward us.

“Are you really heading to Shamrock’s tonight?” Thomas is so near his breath tickles my neck and I like it way more than I should.

“What if I am?” I inhale to calm the blood racing in my veins. He’s close, so close. Close enough I should be afraid. Close enough I wish he would edge nearer.

“I am your bodyguard.” There’s a tease in his voice and I laugh without thinking. Thomas chuckles along with me and a strange warmth curls below my belly.

I angle slightly. His head is next to mine and he’s wearing that heart-stopping smile. The breath catches in my throat. How can someone so beautiful be so lethal?

I hear you have to kill people to be a member of your club. It’s what I’m dying to say, but after my foot-in-mouth moment a few days ago, I choose safe. “I thought you weren’t allowed to wear your vest at school.”