Waiting on the Sidelines

The nurse sensed my fear and came out to help me right away. “Are you family, miss?” I just nodded. I needed to know, so I thought I could pretend to be his daughter if I needed to.

“Buck Johnson, he just came in with a heart attack,” I blurted all the words out at once.

“OK, let me check,” she patted my hand and went to her computer. I stood there, my foot bouncing up and down with anxiety.

“Yes, he’s here. They are working on him right now. I’ll make sure someone comes out to update you as soon as they can. Why don’t you sit in our family room?” she gestured to a more private waiting area with comfortable chairs. I just nodded and slowly slid my feet to the seats. By the time my rear hit the cushions I was in full-on tears. I just leaned my head in my hands and let it out. I cried for a solid 15 minutes, my face red and the snot stringing from my nose. I got up to grab a tissue or two and came back to my seat to look for my phone.

It was 3 a.m. now and I knew I couldn’t leave. I had to call my parents. They would understand, I thought.

“Daddy?” I said softly when he answered on the first ring.

“Nolan?” he shot back. I could tell he was instantly worried.

“I’m ok, I’m ok. But I need you, daddy. It’s Reed’s dad. I’m at the hospital. He had a heart attack. Reed…wasn’t around. I had to help. I’m so sorry, but it was an emergency,” I gave him the edited version.

“OK, OK. We’ll be right there, sweetheart. Are you at Mercy?” I could hear my dad getting ready, the sink water flowing in the background.

“Yeah, I’m in emergency, in the family area,” I sniffled a little. “I’m scared, daddy.”

“We’re on our way,” he assured.

My parents had arrived within minutes. I hugged them both and my mom just let me cry in her lap until the sun started to come up. My parents took turns walking to the coffee center. The last trip, my dad came back with a muffin for me and I was nibbling on it.

I had explained that Reed was out with friends and I was checking on him because Sarah and I were worried and that was when I found Buck. My story didn’t make much sense, but I just didn’t want my parents to know the state Reed had been in lately.

I was sitting in the chair with my legs folded in front of me when I saw Reed stumble through the sliding doors. He looked terrible. He had managed to put the sweatshirt on that I had thrown in the back seat, but it was clear that he had no idea what was going on.

His eyes found mine and his eyebrows shot up. I leapt from my seat and ran over to him, grabbing his hands right away. He just stared down at our interlocked fingers and then back up at me, his mouth open. “Reed, listen to me. Your dad had a heart attack last night. They are performing surgery, but we should hear something very soon,” I stopped. I didn’t want to overwhelm him until I knew he understood what I’d said.

His face was white with shock and his eyes were starting to pool up. He was starting to shake his head no, and that’s when I just grabbed him and pulled him into a tight hug. I felt his arms slowly wrap around me and his face push deep into the hair at my neck. His body started to quiver a little and I knew he was crying.

Rubbing his back, I just kept whispering in his ear. “He’s going to be ok, Reed. I called 911. They came in time. He’s going to be ok.”

I heard my dad’s voice behind me. “Reed, son. Come sit with us. We should hear something soon.”

I held his hand tightly and led him back to our seating area. Instead of the chairs, I put us next to each other on the small sofa and put my arm around him, letting him lean on me while I rubbed his shoulder to distract him. And we waited together, silent, our hands glued together, for the next hour.

19. The Mend

Buck had made it through emergency bypass surgery and my parents went home later that morning. I stayed with Reed, waiting for us to be able to go in to see his dad. My parents said they’d come back to check on me in a few hours.

Alone, we sat in the waiting room just listening to each other breathe. I felt the heaviness around us. And I knew all the words Reed wanted to say. Part of me wanted to drag them out of him, but instead I waited.

When the nurse called us back, I held Reed’s hand tightly and walked with him down the hall. When we made it to Buck’s room, I heard his breath hitch a little. He was still sleeping from the anesthesia, but the nurse assured us he would wake up soon, though it would be slow. And he wouldn’t be coherent right away.

Reed slid a chair over next to his dad and then reached to hold his hand. I sat at a chair at the end of the bed and just watched. He reached up and brushed a hair from his dad’s forehead, putting it in place. He was so tender, so quiet. He just sat like this for about 30 minutes, watching his father breathe. His eyes tearing every so often, and he would wipe them with the sleeves of the sweatshirt.