Waiting on the Sidelines

“How could you,” I shook my head. Looking down, I noted the new pedicure on her toes. She was wearing tiny shorts and a tight shirt. Her hair was perfect as always. It was like nothing had ever happened. She was just moving on to her next day, her next victim. She was truly crazy and thought nothing of the lie she spun.

“Whatever,” she said, closing the door in my face.

I stood there for a few minutes, stunned. When I realized she didn’t matter and there was nothing I could say that would make her feel, I turned to leave. I walked back home and my parents were making bacon and eggs when I came in.

“Breakfast, honey?” my mom offered. It smelled delicious, and I had worked up an amazing appetite. For once, in weeks, I was hungry. Honestly hungry. I just nodded and smiled, stealing a piece of bacon on my way to the bathroom. “Let me take a quick shower. Keep it hot?” I asked.

“Will do,” my dad said.

I let the water pour over my face. Every so often I would shudder, trying to force myself to cry, but nothing happened. I wasn’t sad anymore. I was tired. I felt grief, in a way, but I wasn’t sad. I just didn’t have it in me.

Piling my hair in a towel on my head, I threw on a clean shirt and shorts and joined my parents for the most delicious breakfast I had enjoyed in years.

Tyler picked me up promptly at 4. I let him come to the door to meet my parents. I could tell my dad had questions since he had never heard of a Tyler before. My mom nudged me a little because he was cute, and I smiled at her with my cheeks flushed. My dad shook his hand and asked him a few questions about his car, like he always did. Tyler seemed to pass their test as they let me get in the car with him.

It took almost two hours to get into the city and park for the game. We rushed from a parking lot a few blocks away and managed to get into the ballpark before the free shirts were gone. We both were giddy about it and put them on over what we were wearing right away. They said “Diamondback Red, White and Blue” and were hideous, but they were free. I liked that Tyler had the same silly respect for freebies as I did.

The game was awesome. I had never sat in a suite before, and it came stocked with free food and a private restroom. I licked wing sauce from my fingertips and gulped Diet Cokes the entire time. The game was a close one, but the Diamondbacks pulled out a win in the bottom of the 9th. This sent the crowd into overdrive and everyone stayed for the fireworks display after the game.

I jerked a little from surprise when the stadium lights went out. I realized they needed to make it dark for the show, but I wasn’t expecting it to be so sudden. Tyler put his arm around me to let me know he was close. I let him leave it there through the entire display.

As we walked out through the crowds, he grabbed my hand. I let him lead me because I hadn’t been to a game in years and he seemed well versed in how to best get to our parking lot. I expected him to let go when we made it through the gates onto the streets, but he held on instead. It felt strange. Part of me liked it, but another part knew I just liked not feeling alone.

We got to his car and he opened the door for me and closed it. He got in and then we spent the next 20 minutes trying to dodge the crowds of people leaving the game and the festivities. He managed to find the highway quickly and we were well into our trip back home.

The ride back through the desert was uncomfortably quiet. I was thinking about calling Sean, wondering if Reed made it through the party for his dad. But I also knew Tyler was thinking about kissing me goodnight. And I didn’t know how to make the two connect.

I slipped my phone onto my lap and sent Sean a quick text. I lied to Tyler and told him I was letting Sarah know something for the morning. He just smiled, buying it hook, line and sinker.

We pulled into my driveway a little before midnight. I felt bad that Tyler had to drive so much out of his way, but I wasn’t very comfortable driving alone at night yet, especially so far.

“Thanks for tonight, I had a really nice time,” I said, pulling my buckle off and closing up my purse.

“I’m glad you came,” he said, stopping and just looking into my eyes. He was considering his next move, and I was cowardly waiting, unsure how I would react. When he slowly started to lean forward, I heard my phone buzz and I startled. Blinking and shaking my head a little I told him I should get inside.

He got out of the car and came to open my side. A little overly gentlemanly for my taste, but I appreciated the gesture. He placed his hand on my back as he walked me to the door. Before I reached the step, I turned to look at him and just gave him a sideways smile.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know how to do this yet,” I said, hoping he wouldn’t be offended. He just smiled back.