Waiting on the Sidelines

“No, I’m really not, Sean. I’m just so confused,” I said.

He took a deep breath, looking up for a bit before settling back on my face. “I’m not going to lie, Nolan. It’s not good. Tatum is just so…” I stopped him.

“I know, you don’t have to tell me how she is, Sean. I know,” I said, putting my hand on his heart. He really was one of the good ones.

“OK, but you have to know…you are all Reed asks about, Nolan. I just don’t want you thinking that he did this on purpose...”

I smiled a little, but it was fake. The girls came outside just then, so our conversation ended. We piled into the truck and Sarah unzipped her duffel bag to reveal all the liquor she had stolen from her parents bar. They had parties frequently and were always ordering things in bulk. Sarah would slip a bottle here and there so they never noticed. I wasn’t planning on drinking tonight, still a bit too nervous to walk on that wild side. I knew Sienna would be my partner in crime. Goody two shoes ‘til the end, her and I.

The truck kicked up dust when Sean pulled a sharp right into the desert. It was about 20 minutes in on a hidden dirt road. But there it was. The picnic tables were already full of people. Bon fires were lit, headlights were on and radios were blasting.

“Way to be late to your own party,” I yelled at Sarah over the noise.

“Bullshit,” she said. “Party doesn’t start until I get here!” Sean stopped the truck and Sarah hollered as she stood up on the edge of the bed of the truck, holding a bottle of vodka in her hand.

“Who’s drinking with me tonight?” she asked. It didn’t take long for a very built, very tall senior from the football team to help her from the truck and carry her over to a table for some making out and underage delinquency.

I shook my head a little as I slid off the tailgate with Sienna. “Shall I grab you one of our usuals?” I asked. She just nodded and smiled. I headed to the front seat cooler to grab a couple of Diet Cokes.

I was glad my hair was up. And as much as I thought it was a risky idea at first, I was also glad I listened to Sarah and wore one of her bikini tops with my cut-off shorts. It was really hot out.

Sienna and I sat on the tailgate of Sean’s truck, swinging our feet back and forth. It was the first time in days that I felt almost normal. I wasn’t happy, but I also wasn’t sad. I let my mind go, looking behind me from time to time to see how Becky and Sean were getting on sitting on the hood of his truck, kissing and giggling. While I could easily resent their happiness, I couldn’t help but smile at it.

Sarah came over to grab my hands and dragged me out to the middle of the camp ground to dance to one of our favorite songs. She had made me learn this simple hip-hop routine that the cheerleaders did during basketball games. It was a great Usher song, with a really strong base. I laughed as I slung my head back and looked up at the stars while we kicked and moved our hips. I was pretty sure I looked ridiculous, but she had promised me I didn’t when we practiced in her room earlier.

Sienna had joined us now, which made me laugh even harder. For a girl who was so dang musical, she had absolutely no dancing ability. She kept looking at me and shrugging, asking if she was getting it right, which only made me laugh harder. I was having a good time with my friends, just what my soul needed, and then it ground to a stop.

I could barely make out Reed’s frame, leaning against the hood of the black Mustang backed into the brush and low trees. He was staring at me, taking long drinks from his beer. A few empty bottles were lined up by his feet. How long he had been here, I didn’t know. My throat was closing up and breathing became difficult. I turned to Sarah with wide eyes as I backtracked on my feet and headed back toward the safety of Sean’s pickup bed. I was mumbling to myself, I know, but not really words…just short, panicked phrases speckled with the occasional ‘shit!’ I passed up the back of the truck and climbed into the cab instead, shutting the door and sinking down into the seat. I must have startled Becky and Sean because they both jumped and turned to look at me.

Sean stood up on his hood and then jumped down on the ground and came over to my window. He rapped his knuckles on it gently, a silent plea for me to let him in. I did and slid over to the driver’s side. He closed the door, propped his leg sideways on the seat and turned to look at me.

“I was hoping you wouldn’t run into him tonight, Noles, I’m so sorry,” he said, reaching his hand to hold my shaking shoulder.

“I saw him,” I said, tilting my eyes up to look at him. “He’s drunk, isn’t he?”