Waiting on the Sidelines

Reed stutter stepped when he saw me, pausing for a minute, his eyes full of sleeplessness and sadness. His hair was its usual disheveled mess, but adorable all the same. He was slowly approaching me and I found my knees starting to get weak. I slowly started to walk forward, avoiding his gaze, making my way to my car.

“Nolan?” he said, almost as if he was surprised I would try to ignore him. “Where are you going? Did you quit?”

I just stopped and turned to face him, staring blankly. “No. I didn’t quit.”

I turned around and started again for my car when I felt his hand on my shoulder. “Nolan, stop. We need to talk.”

“I don’t want to talk, Reed. I’m tired. I want to go home,” I said, turning to leave again. This time he reached for my hand, but I recoiled. His touch hurt so much.

“Where are you going?” he was starting to sound angry, almost desperate.

I turned to face him, still holding my rag tag bundle of belongings close to my chest, fighting to maintain my breathing. “I switched to mornings.”

And with that, he let me go.

Sarah welcomed me inside with her typical greeting. “Come on in, beee yatch,” she said, hugging me with one arm.

I needed to fill her in on everything, but I really didn’t know where to begin. I texted her during one of my breaks and told her I was in desperate need for a little best friends time. She called Sienna and Becky over and they were all waiting there for me.

I stashed my pile of sorry crap in the corner of Sarah’s room and we all headed into the kitchen. Sarah opened the fridge and started digging around for something. “Cookie dough. Always fixes everything,” she said, slapping the roll of raw dough down on the counter and then slicing it open with a knife. She dug out four spoons from a drawer and gave one to each of us and we sat there on the stools around her kitchen island digging in. I have to admit, the chunks of chocolate and the salted sugar goo was easing my pain just a little. But not for long.

“OK, so spill it,” Sarah said. Always a way with words, this one.

I spent the next hour bringing my friends up to speed. They held their hands over their hearts when I told them about how Reed kissed me, but I warned them not to get too comfortable. “Oh I’m going to break your hearts, girls. Get ready for it.”

By the time I was done, Sarah was dropping swear words like a paper boy serves up paper. “What a f**king whore,” she yelled, slamming the dishwasher door shut on our dirty spoons.

Becky was already conspiring with her, coming up with ways we could get back at Tatum for once again derailing a future of me and Reed. They were quickly on Facebook, trying to dig up dirt. Sienna, thankfully, my thoughtful friend, sat back with me and just held my hand.

“Nolan, I’m so sorry. I know how much you wanted this,” she said. “But… isn’t it possible that there’s more to the story? I mean, Reed doesn’t seem like the kind of guy to be a player, right?”

I nodded, sniffling a little. She was right. And I had that thought, too. But every time I wanted to call him and find out his version, I saw his lips carefully brushing along the side of Tatum’s neck as he held her close. I couldn’t even remember now if I had imagined that part, but something deep down told me I hadn’t.

I heard Sarah howling in the living room and we both joined her and Becky. She pulled up a picture of Tatum making out with some other guy, dated just a few weeks ago. “See! I knew she wasn’t just into Reed. I’m going to ruin her!” she gave out like a battle cry.

But I stopped her. I walked up and flipped the computer closed. Shaking my head, I sat down at the desk and just buried my face in my hands for a minute. Deep breath.

“I love you guys for wanting to avenge my broken heart, I truly do,” I paused. “But…I honestly have just got to get over this. I have spent half of my teenage years…high school…pining after a stupid boy and letting the same girl walk all over me. I think....”

I rubbed my head and stood up to look at them all, just waiting for me to give them the order. “I think I just need to stop. I need to make a turn, turn right or something like that. Pick a different path. Pick a new damn boy to pine after, know what I mean?”

They all sort of looked at each other for a minute, quiet. Finally Sarah broke the silence, as I knew she would. “Party, bitches!”

I had finished out that week and the next week on the morning shifts. It was hard at first to get used to getting up so early, but my body was adjusting. I actually liked getting done with work early. I was able to head to the gym for open volleyball practice and take out some aggression, practice my hitting and get in some exercise. It also helped that I was able to leave the campus before Reed showed up for his evening workouts.