Waiting on the Sidelines

He was talking a mile a minute and his body and hair was still warm and damp from his shower. I could feel his shoulder muscles under my fingers as I slid them to his back and tiptoed up to kiss him. He reached around and lifted me up so I could reach his lips and hair, tangling my hands in the wet strands. He walked me backwards until I was sitting on the hood of a truck. I laughed inside realizing I had become one of those couples that made me feel so uncomfortable the year before.

Things stayed heated for about the first hour as we kissed and Sean ran his hands over my thighs and around the back of my shorts, grabbing my butt and pulling me close to him. I was nervous but also felt a bit of a thrill, so I let myself go for a while until we were both nearly dehydrated from the heat and the make out session.

“I’ll be right back,” Sean said, kissing me one more time so hard that my head leaned back.

I rubbed my lips as he walked away, they were actually raw. I slid from the hood of the truck and was straightening myself up a bit when Reed slid into me with a bump. “Heya,” he said, crooking the side of his mouth into a dimple. “Missed ya, how’s it going?”

A little rattled by what he said, I shook my head and blinked my eyes a few times. “Uh, good. Hey, great game! Those were some pretty spot-on passes! Gutsy!” I said, knowing that he was really the orchestrator of the great catches that Sean was riding high on.

“Oh, yeah. Thanks! Well… I knew my dad had some friends in the stands, so I wanted to put on a show,” he looked at me, his eyes a little troubled.

“Yeah, I … uh, saw them,” I responded, showing I understood what he meant.

“You know, I could get in serious trouble if anyone said anything about my dad meeting with those guys. It’s all pretty harmless, right now. But if someone took something the wrong way, or made up something just to embellish the story a little, that would be it,” he looked frightened, and I understood the look on his face. For the first time ever, Reed was wearing anxiety. It was a look I knew all too well. I just wasn’t accustomed to seeing it in his eyes.

“Hey, hey,” I said, pulling his sleeve to get his attention, reaching my arms around him to hug him. “Seriously, this kinda thing goes on everywhere, every game, all the time. I promise. I know, because we had people over for dinner a lot when my brother was graduating. And I know in the city it’s waaaay worse. So don’t worry, ok?” I tried to reassure him.

“You’re right; it’s just starting so early. I guess… I just… I want this all too much, you know?” he hugged a little tighter, digging his chin into my shoulder and letting out a deep breath. The wind was knocked out of me at his vulnerability. I let him go just before Sean walked around the front of the truck with a water bottle for me, relieved that no one had seen our exchange. I don’t know why I felt that I had to hide it, but I expected it had something to do with the aching in my heart when he squeezed me in his arms.

“Hey, man” Sean said, reaching for knuckles from Reed. “Nice tosses tonight. Seriously, it was like pulling apples from a tree, man. Perfect!”

I was comforted to hear Sean praise Reed so. He was a good guy. My stomach twisted a little at my position, and I pushed it down to ignore it.

“Thanks, man. Hey, I’ll see you at films tomorrow, ok?” Reed said, walking back to the center of the party and putting his arm around Tatum, who was eyeing me suspiciously. I decided to play dumb and just smiled back and gave Sean a squeeze to throw her off of my scent. It seemed to work when she held up her beer and smiled at me.

Sean opted for water only so he could drive me home. He walked me to my door and kissed me good night at about 1 a.m. I told my parents that I was going to the tailgating party after the game, but didn’t bring up the alcohol. I knew it would worry them, or they wouldn’t let me go. And I was always going to be responsible, so I didn’t see the need. I watched as he ran down my steps and gravel driveway and pulled away in Cole’s truck. He would be taking home a lot of the guys tonight, I suspected.

I washed my face and tiptoed into my room, shutting the door and turning on my lamp for a little light. I sat on the end of my bed pulling off my shoes and pulling my shirt over my head. I pulled on my XL overly worn Dr. Suess T-shirt and kicked off my shorts and pulled up a pair of cut-off sweats. I clicked off the light and lay on top of my covers, still mulling the night over in my head when the ceiling lit up from my phone. It was a text from Reed.

Hey, you up?

I stared at it for a minute or two before replying. I wasn’t sure why I was hesitating, but something about it felt like I was hiding something from Sean.