Waiting on the Sidelines

I was one of the last to board the bus, when I made a spur of the moment decision so completely out of character for me. Sean was standing a few feet behind me with his bag slung over his shoulder. I looked up into the bus window and saw Tatum snuggled into Reed and turned to face Sean, walking right up to him without missing a beat, kissing him full on the lips, from my tip toes and my hand grabbing the back of his neck. That was it, my first kiss. I had spent it now. Sean looked at me with wide eyes, biting the corner of his lip to suppress a big grin.

“So, wanna sit by me?” I asked, riding out my brief moment of confidence and caution-to-the-wind.

“Oh yeah,” he said, taking my hand and pulling me on the bus. We settled in a few rows ahead and across the aisle from Tatum and Reed. I put my feet up across the aisle and leaned my head on Sean’s chest and put my headphones in. He stroked my hair, tucking it behind my ear for the entire four-hour trip home. I pretended to have fallen asleep, but was acutely aware of what I had started and pondered if I was ready for or even wanted it. Finally, relenting that it was too late now, I decided to give it, meaning dating Sean, a try.

7. Understudy

The summer flew by. Sean and Reed had spent most of the summer at a football camp up north and I dedicated myself to complete couch-potato status. It helped that I spent a weekend or two with my grandparents in the Valley and most other days I was with Sienna and Sarah. Sarah couldn’t believe I was dating Sean, but she was in full support of me getting the most of it, trying to push me beyond the comfortable make-out sessions I had kept things to before he left for camp.

I talked to Sean a few times a week while he was at camp, finding myself eager to hear stories about Reed as well. I knew that wasn’t the right way to feel, but after trying to talk myself out of it for two weeks I decided it wasn’t the worst indulgence to allow myself.

The boys were coming back from camp just in time to start official practice at school and I was getting ready for tryouts myself. Tatum had been friendly over the summer, inviting me to open gym volleyball sessions at the school and working with me to improve my hitting before the school year started so I could make the varsity team. I still felt like there was a certain manipulation to everything Tatum was doing, so I kept my guard up. But I took advantage of her help anyhow.

It was a text from Reed that first alerted me that the boys were back.

We’re at my house – pool party! Bring your suit, and tell the girls

I knew he meant Sienna and Sarah, so I called them and begged them to come along. I was feeling a little unsteady about being around Sean after so long apart. I was also feeling a little strange about seeing Reed.

Calley picked us up and drove us to Reed’s house. I had just cut my hair into long layers, but it wouldn’t all fit in a pony tail, so I had small pieces that fell along the side of my face. I wore my gray sporty two-piece swimsuit with a pair of board shorts over the bottoms, still not confident in my curvier body.

As we pulled up, the boys were all gathered around a Jeep in front of the main garage. I was barely out of the car when Sean swooped me up and lifted me with a hug, twirling us around. “I missed my girl,” he said, his lips completely taking me by surprise. I forgot how easy he was to kiss and was instantly back in form. Dizzy from the spinning, I tapped him on the shoulder to put me down and smiled.

“Oh, sorry. I was a little excited to see you,” he said, sneaking in one more kiss on the side of my neck, his finger moving a curl of hair out of the way. “I love your hair.”

He was so affectionate and attentive. I was willing my heart to swoon as I reached down and held his hand. “Hey, come check out Reed’s new ride,” he said, pulling me over to the Jeep.

“Jeep? Not a Buick?” I laughed. Reed smiled as he hopped out of the driver’s seat and walked around to the front where I was standing. “Nah, I wanted a Jeep. My dad got a hell of a deal, though,” he laughed.

Reed’s 16th birthday was just a few weeks away. I was pretty sure that I would not be getting a Jeep for my birthday, embarrassed at the thought of what I would be pulling up to school in. That is, if I had a car to drive at all. I was more likely to be doomed to rides with Sarah and the bus for the rest of my teen years.

We followed the guys inside where bowls of chips and ice chests filled with sodas filled the kitchen. I saw Buck outside on the grill wearing shorts with his shirt off. His belly falling way beyond his waistband and the white of sunscreen not fully rubbed in on his head and chest. Tatum was sitting on a lounge chair outside by the pool rubbing lotion into her legs. She called for me to come sit next to her when I came through the door. Our relationship was truly strange.