Waiting on the Sidelines

“Well, we know you were in the accident with Reed, and I was hoping I could just get your perspective on what happened…and how you think it affected Reed…” she was waiting, hoping I’d take the bait. But instead I was hyperventilating a little. I didn’t know how to do this, or even if I should.

“I know it’s an uncomfortable thing to talk about, and I’m sorry to call you out of the blue, but you’re sort of my last piece to finish this article. I’d really appreciate just a few minutes,” she said. She seemed genuine, so I relaxed a little. I didn’t want to hold up the article, and Reed’s story was an amazing one that people should know. I was excited to hear that he was leaning toward Arizona, too.

“OK, I guess…” I would be careful.

We spoke for maybe 10 minutes, mostly just clarifying facts about the accident and how much the students loved Reed and how the town really rallied behind him. I felt pretty good about the interview, until she asked me at the end how I was holding up after going through something so traumatic. That’s when I got a little too comfortable with Kendra and let my mouth run unfiltered.

“It’s been really hard. I mean, I didn’t have the broken bones and injuries, but I’ve had the guilt. I guess a part of me feels like the entire thing was my fault, like I caused him to miss out on his entire senior year,” this sparked her interest.

“Why would you think that?” she asked.

“He was driving me home. If he didn’t have to deal with me then this never would have happened,” as soon as I said the words I wanted to stuff them back inside. My eyes were wide in realization.

“Hmmmmm, I’m sure that’s not the case,” she was quiet for a moment. No doubt quoting me perfectly, word-for-word. Oh god! “Well, I think I’m set on my story. Thank you so much for your time, Nolan. I really appreciate it. Hey, and good luck next year at ASU! That’s where I went.”

And then she was gone. I replayed the interview in my mind over and over. By the time evening rolled around, I had finally convinced myself that my words just didn’t fit with the story and I would be safe. At least, that’s what I hoped.

I searched for the story online and in the paper for days after the interview. Reed had made his announcement as she told me he would. They covered it briefly during sports on the evening news. My parents and I watched and cheered that he was staying in Arizona. I had finally brought my mom up to speed on what had happened between us, though I left out the part where Reed made a dig at our poverty. That still stung me a little, and it wasn’t anything I ever wanted to share.

There were only a few weeks left before our senior year was over, and my homework was now pretty much non-existent. We were at the point where most of our classes were filled with busy work or movies. We’d been watching the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice in our writing and literature class, which was fine with me and most of the other girls in the class, but I was pretty sure Reed and the few guys taking our class wanted to nap.

I was looking forward to today’s viewing because we were going to get to see the end. I liked that part, not just because it was swoon-worthy, but because the main character, Elizabeth, stood up for herself. We settled into our desks and Sienna and I were getting quite comfortable, prepared for Mr. Bosch to turn the lights off, when he instead slid to sit on his desk like he had an announcement.

“I know, I know. It’s movie day. I promise, we’ll get to the movie,” he rolled his eyes a little. I wondered just how many senior semesters he’d endured. “But I had a quick announcement to make before we started, if that’s ok with you guys?”

He pulled his glasses forward a little to look out at us over the tops, overdoing it for our benefit. Mr. Bosch was everyone’s favorite. “Well then, if I could get a drum roll, please...” A few of the students started patting their desks, and soon the room sounded like it was full of messy thunder.

“Nolan Lennox.” My eyes shot wide. No, no… no attention, no thank you, no please? “If you could come up here, I have something special I want to present you with.”

I looked at Sienna, my shoulders scrunched up to my ears and my body stiff. I had no idea what this was about, and I was not looking forward to standing in front of this classroom of students again. Hesitantly, I walked up to the front and turned, rigidly, to face my teacher.

At first he laughed a little and told me to relax. I leaned a little onto his desk and then just turned to look at him, bobbing between his eyes and my feet with my glare.