Waiting on the Sidelines

“Oh, ok. That’s fine, I have a lot of homework,” I lied. I didn’t have a thing to do. Just like every other night, I would go home and sit on the porch, look out at the stars and let my mind get carried away with horrible, negative thoughts.

He leaned in and kissed me then whispered, “Thanks for talking.” He turned and walked away and I headed back to my car wondering when we’d actually start talking for real. Or if he ever would.

Friday’s game was a disaster. Kyle threw four interceptions and the Bears lost 41-7. I could tell Reed was pissed from my view in the stands. His dad was pissed, too, but still so much more approachable. When I was leaving the stands, I stopped to talk to Buck, hoping he might give me a glimmer of something to hold onto. Per usual, he pulled me into a giant hug and warmed my heart as only he could.

“Reed’s having a tough time,” I grimaced.

He just put his hand under my chin and tilted my head up to look in his eyes. “Hey, no getting down, you hear?” he insisted. “Reed will get through this. He’s a fighter.”

I wanted to believe him, I did. But it felt like Reed was losing the fight, and in the process, I was losing Reed.

I left Buck and met up with Sarah and she motioned to the fence by the field. I turned to see what she was looking at and saw that Calley and Tatum were standing there next to Reed’s mother.

“What are they doing here,” I am sure I sounded as offended as I was.

“No idea,” she shrugged. “My sister didn’t even mention that she was driving back into town tonight.”

I hated that Calley and Tatum still lived together. It felt like a double betrayal. I hadn’t told Sarah about Calley sleeping with Reed, but seeing them here and knowing that they spent time with Reed over the summer was making it harder for me to maintain my cool. Even worse, Reed’s mother was talking with them. Accepting them, like she never would me.

I was only getting furious, and that wouldn’t do me any good. I decided I needed to get myself away from the situation in order to think clearly. “You mind giving me a ride? I don’t think Reed’s going to come home for a while, and he’s pretty pissed,” I asked Sarah.

She stopped to stare at me for a while, I knew she understood more than she let on, but she finally just gave in and did what I asked. “Sure, I get it,” she just shrugged.

During the entire ride home with Sarah I wondered if Reed even noticed I was gone. I also wondered if he stopped to talk to Tatum and Calley when they were with his mother, and if he was pleasant to them, unlike he had been with me lately. I wondered why his mother had shown up at all. She rarely came to his games, and Reed wasn’t playing tonight.

By the time Sarah dropped me off, I had worked myself up into quite a frenzy. My parents seemed surprised when I came into the house so early. I think they expected me to be out with Reed. Hadn’t they noticed we hadn’t been out on a date in weeks?

“You ok, honey?” my mom asked as I walked in and stopped to sit on the end of the sofa for a few minutes.

“Yeah… just tired,” I said. And I was tired, but I was also fueled with anger.

I headed back to my room where I sat on the edge of my bed for about half an hour, trying to talk myself into calling Reed. Finally, when I reached a boiling point, I dialed.

“Hey,” he answered, short.

“Yeah, hey,” I copied his tone.

We both sat silent for a few uncomfortable seconds and then he talked. “You just left? What the hell?” he seemed angry, which only set me off more.

“Yeah, I did. It looked like you had a lot of fans waiting for you and I didn’t want to get in your way, you know, cramp your style,” I was being a bitch now, but I didn’t care. And I couldn’t stop.

“Noles, you’re being stupid, stop it,” he threw back.

I didn’t like that word – stupid. “Really? That’s all you’ve got? I don’t know Reed, you spend the summer with two girls you slept with, one who bullied me to near breaking point, and you’re just going to chalk it up to me being stupid right now?” I was breathing heavy, fuming.

Reed just let out a long sigh.

“What’s wrong, Reed, nothing to say to that?” I wasn’t letting him off so easily.

“Nolan, you’re overreacting. You need to let the Tatum thing go. We hardly talked all summer, and I was just being polite. Come on, give me some credit,” I could hear his eyes rolling.

I sat there in stunned silence for a while, not sure what to say next. We were not in a good place, and Reed was just ignoring it because that was easy. But I couldn’t ignore it any longer. I knew he was hurting from his arm and not being able to play, but he was taking it out on me, on us!