Waiting on the Sidelines

“Damn it,” he yelled to the sky. I scrunched my forehead at him, pinching my brow, confused. “Oh, it’s nothing really. I just owe Sarah $20.”

I was still confused, and he could tell.

“She said you’d pack anything I told you to, and I didn’t think you would. You know, because you’re so pig headed,” he pulled at my hair a bit like a fifth-grade boy. “I threw that on the list as a test, and she won!”

He went back to work, building a spread of sandwiches and fruit slices. “I could just sort of pretend I didn’t bring it, you know,” I smiled, willing to do what it takes for my boyfriend to win $20.

He just shot me a huge smile and shook his head, taking the crayon from my hands and tucking it in his other back pocket. “No, that’s ok. I don’t go back on my bets,” he touched his thumb to my lip and then sat down next to me, handing me a paper plate with half a sandwich on it.

We ate our picnic spread and cuddled close to stay warm in the cooling air. The temperatures at this height were so much nicer than the desert campgrounds near home. When we were done eating, I pulled on a sweatshirt and followed Reed down a short trail thanks to my flashlight to a small lake. It was small enough to see the other side of the shore in the moonlight, but the stars still reflected beautifully along the surface.

We took turns picking up flat stones and trying to skip them across the water. Naturally, Reed was much better at this than I was. When I finally felt defeated he gave me a lesson, and he celebrated when I finally skipped one with three bounces.

We kicked our shoes off and splashed water at each other at the shoreline, the water freezing cold. When my feet started to go numb, Reed picked me up and let me wrap my legs around him as he held me to his chest and kept me close, kissing me over and over until my cheeks hurt from the constant smile spread on my face.

He carried me and my shoes all the way back to our small campsite where he set me down on the sleeping bag he had spread out. He lay sideways, propping his head up with his elbow, while I sat and stared straight up at the stars. There were millions and I could never take them all in up here.

“So, do you want your present?” he said, sounding more excited to give it to me than I was to receive it. Honestly, I hadn’t expected anything else. Just this night was enough for me.

“OK,” I said, closing my eyes and holding my hands out like Reed had done for me on his birthday. I felt the folded up paper in my hand and I opened my eyes. Squinting, I stared at the plain, lined paper with notebook shreds along the side and then looked back up to Reed, not sure what to make of it.

“You…wrote me a poem?” I questioned. He started laughing immediately.

“Oh, god no. You don’t want me to do that, trust me. It’d be awful!” he laughed. “It’s a letter.”

I looked back down and started unfolding it. It was two pages and it was well creased and took me a while to pull at the ends and unfold it to flatten it out. Before I could take in the words, Reed blocked the top from my view with his hands.

“Wait, you need to know something first,” he started. I stared at him, my eyes wide, unsure of how this night could get any more amazing. “You need to know when I wrote this.”

I held my breath, waiting. “OK? So…when did you write this,” I asked, my heart suspended.

“That night after the winter dance our sophomore year,” he swallowed, his gaze holding mine as if he was trying to prove to me that he was being honest.

My hands were a little shaky now and I bent my head forward to read the words this boy, so much a man, had written to me a year and a half ago.

Dear Nolan:

Dear seems so sappy, sorry. I don’t really know how to write things like this. I’ll probably just shove this in my desk drawer for nobody to ever find. Damn, I’m already so f**king mushy, I hope they don’t find it.

I looked up at Reed, matching his shy smile with my own and I looked back down and continued to read.

I don’t know what took me so long to see it, but you are so beautiful. Like, yeah, you’re hot! But not in a stupid sounding way – I know, I sound stupid now, huh? Anyhow,...sure, I’m going out with Tatum, and yeah she’s hot. But, you’re different.

I’m not going to lie, I went out with Tatum because all of the guys think she’s hot, she’s a senior, and she’s a lot of fun. Well, not like I can really do things with her, but… OK, I’m not going to sound like a prick in writing, but you know what I mean.

Focus, Reed Johnson.

So, I’m writing this as sort of a confessional. I guess this is like my diary, huh? I’ve never had one of those, but maybe I should start one. Not that I have a lot to say. But I’ve got this. I’ve got what happened tonight. Tonight I danced with a girl that stole my breath away.