Unstoppable

My heart breaks. All this time, I tried so hard, but it’s still crumbling down.

“They’re happy now,” I tell her, my chest aching. “You’ve seen them. Emerson has his restaurant, Brit is building a life now with Hunter. They’ve moved on, they’ve laid those demons to rest, but you don’t know how much work that’s taken, or the price they’ve paid to be free. It wouldn’t be fair to tear that all apart. I won’t do it, I can’t.”

She nods slowly.

“Promise me,” I demand. “Promise you won’t say a word.”

“I promise,” Tegan answers reluctantly. “But what will you do? He knows where you are now, and you said, he’s not the kind of guy to just give up.”

“I’ll think of something,” I tell her softly, and the lie tears me apart inside.

Because I already know what I have to do, talking to her right now made it clear.

There’s too much I love in this town to ever let that scum set foot here. Too many ways he could hurt them. Too many precious lives I won’t see torn apart.

Brit. Emerson.

Tegan.

I cradle her cheek in my hand, savoring the soft touch. God, she’s beautiful. “I love you,” I whisper, without even thinking.

She lights up brighter than the whole damn sky. “I love you too. And we’ll figure this out,” she promises me. Tegan folds her hand over mine. “I promise, baby, everything will be OK.”

Her words break what’s left of my bruised and beating heart. I can’t talk any more. I’ve already said too much. I should walk away right now, but gravity pulls me to her, and it’s more than I can resist.

I need her, one last time. A brief taste of the future before it fades away forever.

My lips close over hers. I want to take this slow and savor every moment, but Tegan moans against my mouth, rising up against me to demand more. My last thread of control severs clean away. Desire ignites, hot and desperate in my veins. There’s no holding back, not with her pushing me down to the floor, covering my body with her lush curves and clutching greedily at my shirt. I grip her hips, pulling her closer, and she wraps her legs around my waist until I’m pressed hard between her thighs.

She arches up, grinding into me, and fuck, I need her so much I can barely breathe.

I force myself to take a breath, wanting to be good to her, the man she deserves.

Tegan grabs my face. Her eyes blaze into mine, dark with desire. “Don’t wait,” she gasps, thrusting against me again. “Please, Ryland, I want you. Now.”

Her words unlock the fierce passion I’ve been trying to keep at bay. With a groan, I reach for her, and then we’re both in free fall, a tangled inferno of hot mouths and gasps and reaching hands. I strip off her clothes, claiming every inch of her body until she’s shuddering beneath me, her thighs parted, every kiss and arch against me an invitation. A demand.

I sink inside her, and I come undone.

Tegan cries out, rising up to take me deeper. I feel her clench around me, so tight, so fucking good. I feel everything, every heartbeat, every breath. For a moment, I’m more than my body, more than the crushing sum total of every stupid mistake and desperate choice.

For a moment, I see myself reflected in her eyes, and it takes my breath away.

She loves me. She sees everything, and she loves me all the same. It’s more than I could ever hope to ask of her, but she’s offering it without hesitation or fear. After everything she’s been through, the pain and darkness and doubt, she’s willing to trust in me, believe in me.

I have to protect her, no matter what the cost.

I could stay like this forever in her arms, lost in her fierce gaze and the feel of her body surrounding me, but it’s too much. The raw animal need takes us over and we’re moving, surging together as one. She trembles against me, and I cling to my self-control, feeling every pulse of her body around me, the rising pitch of her cries. I surge deeper, God, I give her everything, holding myself back from the edge until she shatters with a cry and I explode, breaking apart into the heat and pleasure and moment of pure release.

I hold her for hours, until our whispers fade and she drifts into sleep, curled safely in my arms.

I don’t sleep. I pace the yard outside, shaking with futile rage. I howl silently at the moon and search for some other solution, a way out of this mess, but there’s nothing else I can do.

Nothing, except break both our hearts just to keep her safe.

Dawn is streaking the sky when I finally tear myself away. I scribble a note and leave it on the blanket next to her. I lean down and breathe her in one final time, the scent of her shampoo, the silk of her hair.

I press a kiss to her forehead, and walk away.

I didn’t come here with much, and I’ll leave the same way. Half a tank of gas and a duffel bag in the backseat. I’ll call Brit from the road with an excuse about itchy feet and a better deal. She’ll believe me.

I’ll make them all believe.

But Tegan… I steal one final glance at her sleeping body from the doorway; the way her lips curl in a faint smile in her sleep. I wonder if she’s dreaming of me.

I wonder if she’ll ever forgive me.

I won’t deserve it, I know.

I drive away, towards the rising sun, and feel my heart tear clean out of my chest.

29.

TEGAN

One month later…

Los Angeles.

I wake up the same way I always do these days: slowly surfacing from dreams of Ryland until the morning sun slices through the haze and it hits me all over again.