Unspoken
Page 22He pulled on a pair of jeans and took the back stairs down toward the kitchen. The landing between floors was painted red, so the first flight of stairs was like a descent into hell. He went past hell to the next flight of stairs, past one wall that was a tableau in black-and-white mosaics of a woman standing caught between Aurimere and a lake, into shadows leading down to a gray hall. There was a marble bust against one wall, a man’s white profile that reminded Jared of Aunt Lillian.
Jared realized that a door was ajar and someone was awake, because he saw the slash of light bisecting the marble face. He turned toward the lit room as he descended the stairs, and he heard the murmur of voices. A family conference was going on in the library.
“… it’s clear it will not stop. We have to do something,” said a woman’s voice. It was Aunt Lillian, and not his mother, because she was talking about taking action.
His mother spoke next. She said, “You can’t trust a half-breed.”
Jared went still for a moment, and in that moment Ash opened the door all the way and slipped outside the room. He looked up at Jared on the stairs, and his blue eyes went wide.
Jared lunged from the step across the floor and pinned Ash up against the stone wall.
“Half-breed?” Jared said in a furious whisper. “Do they mean Kami?”
At the mention of Kami’s name, Ash’s eyes narrowed. “No,” he said, and his voice was suddenly like his mother’s, crisp and cold. “They mean you.” He shoved Jared away and disappeared back into the room where they were holding the family council.
Jared didn’t wait to see what Ash told them. He walked through the dining hall and then the entrance hall and out the front door, slamming it behind him. He sat on the top step of the entrance of Aurimere House, Sorry-in-the-Vale stretched dark and quiet below him.
Half-breed.
Jared had never belonged anywhere. This was the first time he had been glad of it. He wasn’t one of them. He didn’t want to be. He knew where, and to whom, he wanted to belong.
They could keep their secrets, as his mother wished. He didn’t want to be involved.
Kami got to school the next day without any incidents like being kidnapped by pirates or having the earth open up and swallow her, which on the whole Kami thought was a pity. And on her way up to her headquarters for her first free period, she ran into the person she least wanted to see. “Ash,” she said, breathless with horror.
“Hey,” said Ash.
Kami stared at him with blind panic and offered: “I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah,” Ash said. “You mentioned that already.” He fell into step with her, going up the stairs. “Look,” he said. “Don’t worry about it. Really. I feel like I should be the one to apologize.”
“No,” Kami told him. “No, I’m pretty sure that it should be me. Over and over and over again.”
“I knew you were upset. Taking you out was meant to be about cheering you up, not getting all offended and making you feel worse.”
“Oh no,” said Ash. “It wasn’t the worst date I’ve ever had. The worst date I’ve ever had was with a girl who had a pet fire extinguisher.”
Kami blinked up at him.
“I found it puzzling myself,” said Ash. “So you see.”
“I could take on the pet-fire-extinguisher girl,” Kami considered. “I’ve done some very strange things.”
Ash’s laugh floated down the corridor, light as Kami’s heart suddenly was. Everything could be all right, she thought. “I’ve got faith in you,” Ash said. “So—how about it? Let’s give going out another try.”
You’d better not come in, Jared said. I’m in here. He didn’t hurl the comment at her resentfully. He just said it, as if he was resigned.
Kami stood at the door to her headquarters and looked in through the square of wire-covered glass. Jared was sitting at his desk, big shoulders hunched.
“No,” she told Ash, and saw him blink with surprise. “I really like you,” she continued, because Ash deserved to hear it. “But I’ve got a lot of stuff going on right now, and I just don’t—I don’t know how I can.”
She hardly heard Ash’s polite mumble saying “right” and “of course” and “somewhere to be,” meaningless words strung together to get himself out of this situation. She felt awash in horror.
Kami opened the door and went into her headquarters. The half-open blinds sliced the sky into bars of light and shadow over desks and floor, red lamps and Jared’s bright hair, making the room into a cage. She went over to stand at the window, behind Jared’s chair. Then she gave up and leaned against the back of Jared’s chair, almost touching but not quite.
“I’m glad you’re real,” she said. She was glad he was real. She couldn’t wish him out of existence, or even wish he was somewhere away from her. She wanted him with her: she wanted him right here.
Yeah? Jared asked.
Kami felt his slow-blossoming relief. There was no way to live a normal life, even if he wasn’t trying to interfere. She couldn’t be happy when he was unhappy. There was nothing she could do. Jared’s pain felt like her pain, and mattered a thousand times more than hurting Ash. There had been no way to smile at Ash and say yes to a date with a perfectly nice guy, when most of her heart lay behind the door.
Kami bowed her own head over Jared’s bowed head, and hated the link between them. She didn’t know if anything she was feeling was real.
Chapter Eighteen
The Water Rising
It was only half an hour after the end of school, and the Internet had already failed Kami completely. It was supposed to be a superhighway of information. She had exactly one hit on a Henry Thornton, living in Notting Hill. It was on a dating website. Apparently he was single, looking for a long-term relationship, and his interests were jazz and cricket. He had not been considerate enough to add “ritual animal slaughter” to the list.
“Easy, tiger,” Angela said from her prone position on the sofa. “You’re wasting good aggression on computers when you could be turning it against mankind.”
Kami glanced over at Angela. Angela lay serenely with her hands folded across her chest and her lashes like black lace against her white cheeks. “You look so sweet when you sleep,” Kami said. “Like an emo ten-year-old’s first Vampire Bride Barbie. Pull the string on the back and she says cruel things to her hardworking friends.”
“Why don’t you and Jared go to the library?” Angela suggested, eyes still closed. She said “you and Jared” as if they were a unit.
“Angela,” Kami said sharply, “Jared and I are not dating.”
Angela lifted her eyelids a fraction of an inch. “Oh no. He asked you out and now you spend all your time together, sometimes having epic fights in the hallways. Where did I get such an outrageous idea?”
“We’re not and we never will!” Kami heard her voice go a little high.
Angela winced. “No loud noises. It is naptime.”
Kami leaned across her desk. “I’m not one of those girls, am I?”
“Those girls who disturb my naptime?”
“Those girls!” said Kami. “You know the ones. Who are always joined at the hip to some boy and all they talk about is some boy and they don’t hang around their friends anymore because they’re spending time with some boy. We hate those girls!”
“I hate practically everybody,” Angela pointed out.
“We should have a girls’ night,” Kami said. “Tonight. Hot chocolate made with cream, and a box of my mum’s pastries. You in?”
Angela’s eyes fell closed. “Only for the pastries.”
Kami returned to contemplating Henry Thornton, who was tempting her to be an Internet Mata Hari by having a green “User online now” on his profile. She stared at his thin, serious face. “Men are nothing but trouble,” she said. “Thank God for girls’ night.”
“Girls’ night?” Holly asked from the door.
“Come,” said Angela, without opening her eyes.
“Yes, do come,” Kami said after an instant.
Angela opened her eyes all the way. “Somewhere with other people? But other people bother me.”
“I know, Angie, but I’ll keep them away, and besides, they don’t bother you as much as you say they do.”
“Are you willing to bet on that?” Angela asked. “Like, a sizable amount? Fine, but afterward we’re having hot chocolate and pastries and lots and lots of sleep.”
“Cool,” said Holly, and hugged her legs. “I haven’t been to a sleepover in years.”
Kami thought this was an excellent plan to lift her spirits. She just had to work out a few details first.
When Kami reached Angela’s house that night, she found Holly parking her motorbike behind the gate. Holly looked up and smiled when she saw her. “Just give me a second.”
Kami leaned companionably against the bike. “Yours is much shinier than Jared’s.”
“That is because the way Jared treats his is a disgrace,” Holly said, with unusual sternness. “I like things to be nice. Plus I like working on the bike myself. It’s a Triumph—that’s a classic bike.” She gave its shining blue surface an affectionate pat.
“Jared works on his,” Kami said defensively. “He just uses it—I think—as a bit of an escape.”
Holly shrugged. “Well, sure. That’s why I got the bike myself. When things get too much and everyone is packed in yelling at each other, it’s wonderful to be able to get away, to be peaceful and on your own, moving away fast. But you have to care for your escape as well. That’s Jared’s problem. He doesn’t care about much.”
“He cares,” Kami protested.
Holly gave her a doubtful look, then she rose, dusting off her jeans, and Kami took her arm. Kami hadn’t thought about how crammed Holly’s family’s farmhouse might feel, especially if the family was arguing. Holly didn’t talk about her home life much. Of course she didn’t: Holly liked things to be nice.
“I have a serious girls’ night question for you,” said Kami. “I know you’re new to this, but I will require an answer quickly. Are you prepared to eat at least five éclairs tonight?”
“I don’t know,” Holly returned, laughing and pushing the door open as she shrugged off her jacket. Underneath she was wearing jeans and a pink backless top that was all sequins. “That’s a big commitment.”
They stopped on the threshold at the sight of Angela, sitting at her kitchen island being radiantly beautiful in a red silk shirt and dividing her scowls between Jared and Ash. “They were not invited,” she said. “But they won’t leave. Now you two are here, I’m willing to kill them if you’ll help with the cleanup.”
“I thought you could all use a bodyguard,” Jared suggested. He looked at Kami, and she felt that he was happy to see her. She could not quite help smiling.
Kami looked away and took off her coat. She wasn’t long-legged in tight jeans like Holly and Angela, but she was wearing a white dress that tied low down in front, swung bell-like about her, and had a bright pattern of apricots. She hoped that she looked pretty.