Unseen Messages

“It took longer than I thought to find the stick.”

“I told you not to worry about it.”

“And I told you that you had half an hour to turn off the douche-bag agenda and be nice.”

“I’m always nice.”

“Ha!”

We glared at each other. Her chest strained and her breaths came in shallow spurts.

I pointed at her chest. “Instead of trying to find half a tree to tie to my leg, you should’ve strapped your ribs.”

“Don’t worry about me. Worry about yourself.”

“I could say the same about you.”

Another stalemate.

Without the kids, the freedom to speak frankly untied the gag around my vocal cords. I let loose. “Who exactly are you, anyway? You’re hurt—just as much as the rest of us—yet you’ve taken control and put yourself in charge. Who made you—”

“I didn’t want to put myself in charge. Do you think I enjoy this? That I wanted to find myself in a situation where two children lost their parents and now look to me to make it better? If anything, I wish you were—” She snapped her lips together, but her eyes glowed with what she wanted to hurl.

“That I wasn’t such a loser and could take over. Is that what you were going to say?”

She tore her gaze away, balling her hands.

I wanted to curse her. All the questions I needed answers to demanded to be shouted, but I couldn’t do that to her. Not now. She wanted comfort, just like the rest of us. But she wouldn’t find comfort from me because I didn’t know how to offer it. All I knew how to do was screw up an already screwed-up situation.

“Look, I’m sorry.” Rubbing my eyes, I wished I had my glasses so at least something would be right in my world. I hated the fuzzy lines and shadowy colours. I could make out Estelle’s features well enough, but she wasn’t in high definition and it strained.

She didn’t reply.

Unconsciously, I stopped rubbing and fumbled on my lap for non-existent lenses—so used to taking them off and putting them back on without thinking.

Christ, I can’t do anything right.

“Can you see okay without them?”

My head wrenched up. “What?”

She motioned to my face. “Your glasses. I noticed you were wearing them in Los Angles and again in Nadi. I take it they’re not just for show but are legitimately required.”

She’d noticed a simple thing like that? Was that because she was an observant person or because she’d been drawn to me as much as I’d been drawn to her?

Either way, it gave me relief from the edgy agony I’d been wallowing in. I cracked a genuine smile. “They’re not a pompous decoration if that’s what you’re asking. I literally need them to see.”

Her shoulders relaxed a little, but she didn’t return my smile. “Are you blind without them?” Her hand came up with three fingers. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

I chuckled. “Seriously? You’re right there. I can see you.”

“So how many?”

“Five.”

Her face fell. I’d stared at her so much I’d already begun to recognise her quirks and facial features. Her mouth formed a worried ‘o,’ and her eyebrows battled between rising and frowning.

I’d freaked her out.

I laughed harder. “Relax. Three. You were holding three.”

“Oh.”

“I’m not blind, okay? I know I’m a cripple, but at least you don’t have to worry about another disability.”

“I wasn’t thinking that—”

“Yes, you were. And it’s fine.” Corrosive frustration filled my tone. “I’d be pissed too if I were you. Having to look after a broken patient when there’s so much else to worry about? Dealing with orphans when you don’t know how to keep yourself alive? Hell, if I could walk, I’d be running as fast as I could.”

“I would never run, no matter how bad things get.” Her face darkened. “I’m not a quitter, especially when others are relying on me. And besides, that’s not what I was thinking.”

It was a joke. A bad one, I admitted. But she’d successfully made me feel like even worse scum than I was.

“Doesn’t matter.” I flinched as my leg throbbed with renewed pain. “It’s what most people would be thinking. But I get it. I annoy you and you want nothing to do with me. I can fend for myself, so you don’t have to worry about me, all right? Worry about the damn kids and leave me—”

“Oh, for God’s sake.” Her hands slammed on her hips. “Dammit, you piss me off.”

I froze.

The fire in her eyes, the rosy pink of her cheeks, and the sharp angle of her jaw made me swallow hard. She was beautiful when she was caring and doing her best to reassure, but goddammit, she was exquisite when she was mad.

My heart thundered as she pointed a finger in my face. “Let’s get something clear, right now.”

I couldn’t move. All I could do was stare and do my best not to fall. Fall and fall for this creature who I didn’t know but wanted to. Fall for a stranger who looked at me with scorn and irritation. Fall for the only woman on this godforsaken island.

There was no such thing as love at first sight. But I did believe in lust. And Christ, I lusted.

“I am not the type of person you can swear, be nasty, or act like a jerk to because I won’t put up with it. I’m not like others who will scream at you when you’re being a dick or give you a second chance when you screw up. I’ll just cut you off and act like you’re invisible. I’ll take care of those kids because they need me and I need them to need me to ensure I don’t collapse in despair. But I don’t need you. I don’t need you to antagonise me or get under my skin. I want to help you but only if you’ll help yourself and shut the hell up and be nice for a change.”