Unrequited

He leaves it at that, so I don’t press, but privately I wonder what the story is. For the first time, I wish I paid more attention to the gossip magazines the other girls would leave around the office. I know he was in a huge band, and then quit a while back, but aside from that, I’m in the dark.

What secrets is he hiding? What’s going on behind that dark-eyed stare?

Finally, we reach the top floor with a ‘ding!’

“You’re not scared of heights, are you?” Dex checks, as he leads me into a hall.

“No, why?” I ask.

He doesn’t reply, just pushes through a door marked ‘emergency exit.’ I follow him outside, and whatever I was about to say fades from my lips.

“Wow,” I breathe, staring out at the most incredible view I’ve ever seen.

We’re on the rooftop of the building, high above the city downtown. Other office blocks and buildings rise up around us, lit up in a glitter of neon against the dark night. The stars are bright overhead, as clear as the headlights on the highway below.

I drift to the edge of the roof and look down, holding tight to the railing. Dozens of stories beneath us, I can see the bright trail of red lights, people on the sidewalks, the bustle of the city so far out of reach.

“This is incredible.” I turn to Dex, grinning in amazement. “It’s so beautiful up here. How did you find it? Are we even allowed to be here?”

Dex waves away my concern. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” He joins me at the edge of the roof, gazing out at the view. “I love it up here. It’s so peaceful, you know? When I’m down there in the middle of things, it feels like everything’s piling up on top of me. But here... I can take a step back, and just breathe.”

I look at him with fresh eyes. It hadn’t occurred to me that Dex had anything weighing on his mind, but now I see he needed an escape from that party just as much as I did.

As if reading my mind, Dex looks over at me. “Why were you crying?” he asks softly. “When you came out into the alley...”

I cringe. “I wasn’t crying,” I lie quickly. “I just had something in my eye.”

Dex doesn’t look as if he believes me, but to my relief, he doesn’t press it. Instead, he changes the subject. “So tell me about yourself.” He keeps his dark gaze fixed on me, filled with naked curiosity. “Who are you, Alicia?”

“Who am I?” I echo. “Just... me.”

The words are automatic on my lips. It’s a reply I’ve been giving more and more these days. To the landlord, the delivery men, the cable guy. Yes, I live alone. No, there’s nobody else.

Just me.

“I work in consultancy,” I add, trying to pull myself together. I’m a successful career woman, aren’t I? The one all my friends envy for having her life running so smoothly and put together. “I partner with artists and designers, help them run the business side of things.”

Dex laughs. “We do need help with that stuff.”

I smile. “Tell me about it. You creative folks would barely make a dollar if you were left to your own devices.”

“So you’re the girl who keeps everyone taken care of.” Dex nods. “What about you? Who takes care of you?”

My smile fades. I shiver, feeling that old familiar tug of loneliness. The shard of ice that slices through everything, impossible to forget. I can block it out with work; drinks with friends, a late-night movie, but it always comes creeping back in the end.

The ache of being alone. Of seeing my friends, so full of love and intimacy, but knowing I can’t have the happiness they’ve found.

At least, not with the man I love.

“I’m sorry.” My distress must have shown, because Dex moves closer, touching my arm in gentle sympathy. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, it’s fine.” I paste on a bright smile. “I take care of myself just fine!”

“I can tell.” Dex’s gaze lingers on me, so I cross the roof, checking out the view from the other side. Traffic blurs in a stream of lights below me, a bright grid in the dark night.

I can’t help but wonder if he’s down there right now. What he’s doing. How he feels.

I let out a sigh, wishing I could just forget him. Wake up one morning not even remembering his name, instead of it being the first one on my lips, my last thought at night.

How much longer are you going to waste your life, thinking about someone who doesn’t feel the same as you? How many more years will pass you by, while you’re hung up on this stupid unrequited crush?

I told Dex that I wasn’t with anyone, but that was only half the truth. Is it a lie if my heart is with him, even if he doesn’t know it?

“Alicia.”

Dex’s voice is low behind me. I turn. Just the sight of him -- his eyes dark in the dim light, leather jacket slung over his tight muscles -- sends all thoughts of another man scattering from my mind. He couldn’t be more different. Something about his presence is so dominating, his quiet power demanding attention, I can’t help but have all my senses filled by him, just him, right here.

“What’s going on in there?” he asks, reaching to gently touch me on the temple. “If you’d rather be somewhere else right now...”

“No,” I answer before thinking, but then I realize it’s true. For whatever reason, being here with Dex feels right somehow -- like we’re alone on top of the world.