Unrequited

The sharp sound of the phone ringing cuts through our haze.

Alicia tenses.

“Ignore it,” I whisper. “It’s just for Ash.”

I reach behind her, unfastening her bra and tossing it aside. Now she’s totally naked, spread beneath me, the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. She bites her lip and then reaches for me, pressing hesitantly through my jeans, feeling my hard length.

Goddamn.

I groan, thrusting against her. Alicia’s breath quickens as she slides a hand inside my jeans, stroking me through my briefs, her delicate fingers driving me crazy. “Stop,” I gasp hoarsely, too close to the edge. I feel like a teenager again, ready to lose myself completely in her. Alicia answers with a teasing smile. She licks along my jaw, her words whispering against my ear.

“Make me.”

With pleasure.

I grab her hands and pin them above her head with a growl. I thrust against her, yanking my jeans and underwear off and reaching for the bedside table.

I’m tearing the foil wrapper open with my teeth when the goddamn phone starts ringing again. This time, the answer machine by the bed clicks on.

“Dex, what the hell man, you’re ignoring my calls now?”

It’s my manager, Eddy. His voice cuts through the haze of lust, ringing in the dark.

“You’re a f**king hit, everyone’s talking about the show tonight!” He keeps talking, sounding like he just won the lottery. “Why didn’t you tell me you were playing? Someone filmed the set on their cellphone. The internet is going crazy. I’ve had calls all night from labels, the Tonight Show, the Grammys. Everyone wants you, Dex, this is it. Comeback time!”

My blood runs cold as ice.

“I told you, buddy, you couldn’t stay away for long. The past is the past; you’ve got to let it go. You belong up there, we both know it. So call me back; let’s make this happen.”

He hangs up. The room falls silent again.

“Dex?”

Alicia’s voice drags me back. I turn. She’s looking at me funny, and I realize, I’ve let her go. I’m sitting, frozen on the edge of the bed, blood pounding in my ears.

“What’s wrong?” She sits up, hugging her knees to her chest. “Who was that?”

“My manager,” I answer numbly.

Damn, I should have seen this coming. I thought I could fly under the radar, but everyone has a cellphone these days. The video was probably streaming up online before I finished my encore.

“He sounded pleased.” Alicia watches me with a confused expression. “That’s good, right?”

“Wrong.”

It all comes crashing back to me, and suddenly, I can’t breathe. I have to get away from her. I need a moment to think. I stride to the bathroom and slam the door behind me, sinking my head against the wall.

“The past is the past; you’ve got to let it go.”

Eddy makes it sound so simple. And to him, maybe it is. He doesn’t know how it haunts me, waking me at night in a cold sweat, a chorus of guilt in my mind. He doesn’t know the scars that are branded on my soul.

“Goddammit!” I yell, spinning to sweep the counter bare. Soaps and bottles go crashing to the floor, smashing everywhere.

There’s silence as I try like hell to pull myself together, to beat back the storm of memories and confusion swirling in my mind.

There’s a tap on the door, light and hesitant.

“Dex?” Alicia’s voice shakes a little. “Are you OK?”

Shit.

I catch my breath and pull the door open. Alicia’s standing there, wearing her slip again, looking at me with a concerned expression. “I’m fine,” I lie, my heart still racing with panic.

If she knows I’m lying, she doesn’t say. She folds her arms, looking down, her cheeks flushed. “I think I should go.”

“No!” I protest, but Alicia shakes her head. “I promise, this isn’t about you,” I tell her, feeling a hollow desperation rise in my chest.

“It’s OK.” She offers me a wistful smile. “This... This was wonderful, but it wasn’t meant to be. Let’s just say goodnight and take it as a sign.”

A sign of what? That my manager has the worst timing in the entire universe?

I watch helplessly as she slides her feet back into her heels and pulls her dress over her head. Her hair is a copper tangle, wild and free, but she smoothes it back into a low knot, taming the chaos. In just a few seconds, she’s neat and restrained, as if the girl who was moaning in my arms was just a dream. She gives me an embarrassed smile across the room.

“I can show myself out.” She pauses. “Thanks, for... Well... everything.”

I didn’t give her everything. Not even close. But as Alicia turns and walks away, I realize I’m frozen in place, still gripping the door frame, caught up in nightmares of my past. I listen to her footsteps tap down the hallway, and then the sound of the door closing echoes through the apartment behind her.

She’s gone.

What the f**k are you doing?

I sink back against the wall, torn. I want to go after her, everything in my body is screaming at me to run down that hallway and make her stay, whatever the price. But just as strong, I feel it: the dark, greedy ache twisting in my bloodstream, ordering me to forget the girl and call Eddy back instead.

There’ll be other girls, the voice taunts me. Fuck, you could make a call right now and have a dozen of them scratching each other’s eyes out for the chance to spend the night.