Uninhibited

Dex lets out a sharp breath. “I told them, I needed some time to clear my head.”

“And they gave it to you.” Tegan looks at him plaintively. “Dex, what are you doing?”

“Trying to have a nice breakfast with my sister and my guest.” Dex stares back at her, until Tegan looks away.

I shift, uncomfortable at the tension. Suddenly, it feels like there’s a crescendo of unspoken words hanging over us, a history I can’t begin to understand.

“Austin’s playing a show tomorrow night in the city,” Tegan continues, a defiant note in her voice. “It would mean a lot to him if you went.”

Dex pauses, looking interested despite himself. “Solo? I heard he was writing some stuff, but I didn’t realize it was ready to go.”

Tegan nods. “It’s great, what I’ve heard of the demos, anyway. It’s the first time he’s playing on his own, a secret show, and you know how he gets…”

Dex gives a nostalgic smile. “I know.”

“So, think about it?” Tegan looks eager. “It’s just a few hours away.”

I see the struggle on Dex’s face, then he shuts down again. “I can’t. I have a guest, remember?”

Tegan turns to me. “Alicia, you don’t mind going to an awesome show, do you?” Before I can answer, she looks back at Dex. “See? She wants to come. We can all go.”

“Tegan…” There’s a warning note in Dex’s voice.

“You can’t keep hiding out here forever,” Tegan says quietly. “You have to face them eventually.”

Dex doesn’t reply for the longest time. The shadows are back in his eyes, the demons I thought we’d chased away last night.

I reach out and take his hand again, on top of the table this time, not caring if Tegan sees. “Hey,” I murmur, until he turns to look at me. “I’m here, remember? Whatever you decide, I’ll be right next to you. But if you’re not ready…”

Tegan frowns. “What do you know about it?”

I stare back evenly. “Enough. If he’s not ready to go back to that scene, you shouldn’t be pushing him.”

Tegan gets a pissed look on her face, like I have no right to be interrupting, and maybe I don’t. But Dex is holding on to me, and as far as I’m concerned, he’s the only one who matters right now.

“It’s OK.” Dex speaks up. “I guess…we can go to the show.”

Tegan leaps up, throwing her arms around him in a hug. “You won’t regret it, I promise. He’s going to be so pumped to see you. And I think he said Eddy’s coming too, so you guys can talk about everything, maybe see about that reunion, or solo record—”

“No!” Dex barks, pushing her away. “It’s one show, that’s it, Tegan. None of the rest of that bullshit, you have to promise me.”

Tegan bites her lip, looking stubborn.

“I mean it,” he warns her, scowling. “We’re going to support Austin, but nothing else. If I’m lucky, nobody will even know I’m there.”

She sighs. “OK, have it your way.” She backs away to the doorway, already reaching for her phone. “I’ll text him now and tell him to put us on the guest list. This is going to be great!”

Tegan hurries inside, her sandals clattering on the ground.

I look over to Dex. He give me a rueful smile. “Meet my sister, a force of nature. Nothing can stand in her path.”

“Are you sure about this?” I check.

“No, it’s OK. She’s right,” he adds with a sigh. “I can’t hide away here forever. This’ll be simple. I mean, I’m not the one playing the show.”

Still, something in his expression is shadowed. Not tense or angry anymore, just…sad.

I feel a strange wave of protectiveness. I’d do anything to make those ghosts disappear, help him be the happy, teasing guy I’ve come to know so well. I get up and circle the table, sitting in his lap. I rest my arms around his shoulders, and lean my head down, until our foreheads are touching. “You just give me the word,” I whisper, letting my hair fall forwards, blocking out the world around us. “If you want to leave, if we even arrive and you want to turn around and come right back here, just say.”

I feel Dex’s body relax, warm against me. He smiles. “Thank you. I don’t think I’d be doing this without you.”

His hands slide over my hips, pulling me closer against him. A shiver of response ripples like clockwork through my body. “The show isn’t until tonight, you know,” he adds, reaching up to cup my cheek and bring my face down that final few inches. “We’ve got the whole day until then…”

His lips find mine in a slow, hot kiss. I melt into his arms, savoring the taste of him; the touch. The waves crash softly in the distance, and I stroke his cheek, his stubble rough against my thumb.

For just a moment, it’s us again: private and hidden, perfectly at ease. Then there’s a sound. Tegan clearing her throat.

I lift my head. She’s in the doorway, watching us with a look of amusement. “We’re all set, your name’s on the list,” she says, beaming. “This is going to be great!”

22.

DEX

I sit on the beach and watch the waves break, steady on the shore. After breakfast, Tegan went to get settled in, and Alicia disappeared back to her bedroom fast, murmuring something about catching up on work emails. I don’t blame her. After a few perfect days together in our own little universe, the outside world has suddenly come crashing in: my sister hauling a mountain of old issues and bullshit back through my doors along with that suitcase of hers.