Uninhibited

Wired for adventure, for passion. I remember Dex with a shiver, the intensity in his eyes. Spontaneity came as easily as breathing for him, when for me, it went against every careful instinct in my body.

It’s why we could never be together, I remind myself.

That, and the fact that I’m hopelessly, completely in love with someone else.

Down at our regular lunch spot cafe, Lily and I grab our food from the counter and wait in line. Music is playing, some rock song I don’t recognize, but Lily lights up, humming along. “The Reckless! I love this song!” she exclaims. “I can’t believe you got to see him play live. I’m so jealous. I had tickets for the tour right before they broke up.”

I blink, not following her rapid-fire gossip. “Who?”

Lily rolls her eyes. “Dex Callahan!” she exclaims. “Only the hottest rock star on the planet. Honestly, Alicia, you’re so oblivious. I swear, he could walk past us right now, and you wouldn’t know the difference.”

I blush. She couldn’t be more wrong. I may have been oblivious about the rock star a couple of months ago, but now, it’s his face that’s branded on my fantasies; dreams of his dark eyes that keep me tossing and turning, late into the night.

Dex Callahan is my mystery man.

I haven’t told a soul, but the sexy stranger I spent the night with is none other than the rock star himself. I didn’t realize his true identity when I kissed him, but the truth hit me like a ton of bricks when I saw him up onstage, performing to an adoring crowd.

Yes, I could pick him out of a line-up with my eyes closed. That man has a presence that can’t be denied.

Had, I correct myself. Past tense. Of all the reasons why I’ll never see Dex again, his status as international rock star is pretty high up the list. He’s probably used to groupies and wild-child supermodels. And me? Well, I can’t even switch my lunch order without having an internal debate about it.

With a sudden burst of decision, I put my salad back and order the special sandwich of the day instead.

“You sure?” Lily looks dubious.

“I can be adventurous,” I declare, but when we settle at a table by the window and I take a bite of the mung beans and tofu, I regret it.

See? This is why predictable is a good thing. You don’t wind up with rabbit food for lunch.

Or memories of a mind-blowing night with a rock star that can never be repeated.

“So,” I start brightly, choking down my lunch. “What’s new with you? Did that blind date turn out to be a total disaster like you thought?”

“Nope.” Lily gives me a shy smile. “It was amazing.”

“What?” I exclaim. “How come you didn’t say? Come on, details!”

“He’s perfect,” Lily sighs, her eyes getting glazed. “He’s hot, and smart, and doesn’t live in his parents’ basement.”

“Always a good thing,” I laugh.

“He brought flowers to the restaurant for me,” she continues, “and then I got food poisoning from the salmon, and he took me home and stayed with me, even when I was curled up on the bathroom floor. We spent the whole weekend together,” she adds with a swooning sigh. “I really think this guy is the one.”

“I’m so happy for you,” I tell her, and I mean it—even if I do feel a pang of lonely regret seeing the sparkle in her eye. Lily is the last of my friends to stay single; everyone else is paired up, picking out furniture or wedding color schemes. “But you won’t rush into anything, will you?” I caution her. Lily is a hopeless romantic, always jumping into things without thinking them through. “You don’t want to get hurt.”

Lily shakes her head. “It’s not like that. We just…fit together, you know? We have the same sense of humor, and all the same interests. All this time I’ve been trying so hard, worrying about if some guy will call me, or whether or not they’ll like that outfit. It doesn’t matter with Greg. I’m so relaxed with him, he makes me happy, you know?”

“I know,” I answer quietly. A knot suddenly wells in the back of my throat, and I have to swallow it down. “That’s amazing, Lily. You’re lucky.”

“Aww, don’t say it like that,” Lily protests. “You’ll find someone, too. I can’t believe you haven’t already. What is wrong with the guys in this city that they haven’t scooped you up?”

I give a little shrug, forcing a carefree smile. She means well, but she’s asking the wrong question. It isn’t about what’s wrong with the men here, it’s what’s wrong with me. Dating is a waste of time when my heart has already fixed on its mate; endless small-talk with hopeful bachelors just seems like a chore when I know at the end of the night, theirs aren’t the lips I want pressing against mine.

Even Dex couldn’t blot out my feelings for long. I may have been swept up in the physical connection between us that night, but I still felt I was betraying my heart by being with him. And when I fled his apartment, I felt as if I’d cheated somehow—on a man who didn’t even realize how much I adore him.

I push my food away, my appetite gone.

“We’re having dinner again tonight,” Lily chatters happily. “And we’re spending the weekend together, too. He just moved into a new place, so we’re going to have brunch and check out the flea market for vintage stuff, and then maybe catch a movie. They’re playing a Bogart and Bacall classic festival this weekend, you should come.” She brightens. “I can ask Greg if he has any single friends—”