Unconditional

I pass over the ultrasound photo. Emerson whistles. “Congratulations.”

“And it’s a boy!” Juliet adds, excited.

“That’s great,” Emerson hands it back, meeting my eyes with a nod. “I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks.” I give a shy smile, feeling a burst of happiness.

If my relationship with Juliet has developed slowly, in fits and starts, Emerson and I have inched along at a glacial pace. I get it: he’s seen first-hand the damage I’ve done with my sister. Living under the same roof, we’ve awkwardly maneuvered around each other as best we can. Seeing them together every day has been bittersweet: a front-row seat to the kind of love I thought I could have, but that seems even further out of my reach than ever.

Even now, Emerson takes a moment to lean in and whisper something in Juliet’s ear. She blushes, beaming, and playfully pushes him away.

“Just you wait,” he winks at her, laughing, pulling her back against him to steal a kiss.

I turn away, taking a few steps back towards the front of the space to give them some privacy. But the look they share stays in my memory: hot and sweet and certain.

I feel an ache rise through my body, a wave of pure longing.

I miss him.

God, I miss Garrett so bad. I’ve tried to focus on my own life for now: work, Juliet, the baby, and everything to come. But in the dark of the night, I imagine his arms around me. I see his teasing smile, and the depths of those blue eyes. I feel him, holding me, whispering to me.

Loving me.

In those lonely moments, I imagine us together: the family I hold in my dreams. But then reality comes slicing through my fantasies with the cold blade of truth.

He doesn’t want me. He doesn’t want this baby. He made it painfully clear when he said goodbye.

And now.…Now I have to find a way to face him again and break the news. Juliet thinks I’m scared that he’ll turn his back on us, but I know Garrett too well for that. He would never walk away from his obligations; he’ll do the right thing by us, of course he will.

But secretly, he’ll hate me, every minute of it, for putting him through this again.

That’s what scares me, that’s the inevitable I’m trying to delay. The look of disappointment in his eyes. His noble acceptance. The knowledge that I’m bringing him more pain and dredging up all his memories of the past.

He’ll look at me and see his ex-wife instead. Remember the daughter he’s already lost, and how much hurt it caused.

This baby has already brought so much joy to my life, but I know it’ll cause nothing but pain in his, and that just breaks my heart all over again.

I wish it could be different. But three months have passed now without a call, and my hope has faded, just a little more each day.

If he loved you, he would have come for you by now.

I let out a sigh, stepping onto the sidewalk to sit on a bench and catch some sun on my face. Beachwood Bay will be filled with tourists by now, packing the bar and running Garrett off his feet. I wonder what he’s doing, if he’s found some other girl to fill his restless nights.

“Carina?”

I hear my name and start to turn before I recognize the voice, but when I see the man in front of me it clicks into place all at once. My stomach drops.

Alexander.

I haven’t seen him since that last fateful dinner party. Even now that I’m back in the city, I haven’t strayed near our old restaurants or hangout spots, too worried I would run into him unprepared. And here he is in front of me now: looking the same as he always did, dressed in a smart suit, his cellphone out in his hand, clearly on his way somewhere.

His face darkens in a scowl. “You didn’t return my messages.”

My heart skips nervously in my chest. I fold my hands over my lap. “I didn’t have anything to say to you.”

“Real mature,” he sneers. “Sneaking off in the middle of the night, packing your things while I was away. But then, you always were the selfish one.”

I look around, but Emerson and Juliet are still inside. “It was over, Alex.” I try to stay calm. “What else did you want me to do?”

He steps closer. “You left me in the lurch,” he says, his skin mottling red. “Do you realize how that looked? I had to tell people you were away on some family emergency. And then you came back for that party—oh, don’t think I didn’t hear about that,” he adds in a scathing voice. “It was all those bitches at the club could talk about for weeks. How do you think I felt, being the last to know?”

He’s furious, glaring down at me. I feel trapped, cornered, and in an instant, it all comes rushing back to me. His temper, and how he could rage at the slightest insult. All those nights I spent soothing him after a showdown at work or some doorman looked at him wrong.

“That’s enough,” I say quietly, rising to my feet. “Please, just go.”

“I’ll do whatever the hell I want.” Alex jabs his finger towards me then stops. His eyes swoop lower, over the curve of my belly, clear as day in my figure-skimming summer dress.

His mouth drops open.

“It’s not yours,” I say quickly.

Slowly, his expression changes. He lets out a chortle, spiteful and harsh. “You f**king slut.”

I gasp, recoiling from him, but I’m backed against the wall—there’s no place for me to go. My heart rate speeds, kickstarting with panic.

“How long did it take to spread ’em for some other poor fool, huh?” Alex demands, still staring me up and down, his gaze like grimy hands all over my body. I remember the nights with him in bed and have to hold back a shiver. “Jesus, look at you. Washed up, knocked up…I had a lucky escape.”