Unbroken
Page 58All that time wasted, that I’ll never get back.
When she died, I felt the guilt cut through me like a thousand sharp blades, but I was determined I’d made the right decision. Emerson was all that mattered now, the only one I had left in the world—at least, that’s what I thought.
Until the terrible afternoon he walked away and left me there, broken in the rain, and proved her right after all
It takes a moment to gather all my courage before I finally ease it the envelope open and pull out the folded page inside.
The paper crackles as I unfold it, and I inhale in a sharp rush of air. My heart contracts with a deep ache seeing her familiar cursive loop, slanted across the page.
Mommy…
I feel the tears pool in my eyes, and I have to wipe them away with the sleeve of my hoodie before I can focus enough to read.
Dear Emerson,
She loves you, we both know that. But you and I also both know that staying here with you would ruin her. She may think this is what she wants now, but there’s nothing for her in this town, you have to see. Ask yourself, is this the life you’d choose for her? Is it really everything she deserves? I chose to give up everything for her father over twenty years ago, and there’s not a day that passes when I wish I hadn’t chosen differently.
Juliet is stubborn, she wouldn’t listen to me. I can’t stay to make her understand: once I’m gone, that falls to you. I beg you again, if you love her, don’t let her throw her life away. She will resent you for it soon enough, trust me on that.
I’m putting my faith in you to do what’s right. Please. If you love her the way you claim to do, give her the life she deserves.
Yours,
Jeanette.
I lower the letter, my hands shaking.
I can’t believe it.
He never told me!
I’m reeling. It still doesn’t make sense to me, but looking back now at that final, terrible fight, I can see. How agonized he looked, pulling away from me. How my insults about him being just like his parents must have struck, so harsh and close to home.
He was hurting me to protect me. He was trying to do the right thing.
And now he’s doing the exact same thing, all over again.
My heart splits in two for him. What must it have cost him, to do this for my mom? He must have known I could never have walked away from him, not even if he’d begged. That’s why he acted so cold and harsh to me—not because I wasn’t enough for him, but because he believed I was too good, that I deserved a life without him.
He loved me so much, he let me go.
I feel tears come again, but this time, they’re happy ones: hot with relief, and joy, and the faint edge of bittersweet regret. I think of my mom, even at the end, trying to make a better life for me.
She built her whole life around him, hanging on to every word. She loved him so much, even when the drinking started, even when she knew it was destroying her.
He was everything to her, and it was her downfall. She thought Emerson would be the same for me, but it’s not true: in letting me go, he proved how different he is. He made the sacrifices for my sake that my Dad never even considered: putting my happiness above everything, even his own heartbreak.
I sob with joy. He loved me!
And maybe he still does now.
I cling to that precious hope like it’s a firefly in the dark night of my soul. I knew he couldn’t mean it, all the things he said today. Not when his body told me a different story last night. He was just trying to get me to leave town again, the same as four years ago. He thinks I’m still better off without him, as if a life without his love is worth anything at all.
I let him push me away once. I can’t make the same mistake again.
I take a shaky breath and put the car in drive, circling carefully back around the lookout point and down the cliff road into town. The storm is howling around me, winds blowing so hard I can feel the car rock. I feel a tremor of panic seeing the rain gush down the steep hill, but I force myself to stay calm, and slowly inch my way back to town.