Too Late

And a chair to stand on.

Fuck my life.

Asa pulls me against him and kisses the side of my head as we both watch Carter step onto the chair. The room is incredibly quiet. He’s commanded the room in a way that Asa didn’t even command it, and Carter hasn’t even spoken a word yet. It feels like they all care more about what Carter has to say than what Asa had to say. Something I hope Asa doesn’t notice.

Carter doesn’t look at me. He winks at Asa and brings his glass of champagne to his mouth. He downs the entire glass in one gulp before he even makes the toast. When his glass is empty, he holds it out to Dalton, who is holding the bottle of champagne. He refills Carter’s glass, and then Carter pulls it to his chest and looks straight at Asa. I can see him blow out a quick, pent up breath right before he begins speaking.

“It’s hard to believe we’ve reached the age of engagements. Marriages. Creating families. But it’s even harder to believe that Asa Jackson is the one beating us all to it.”

A few laughs break out around the room.

“I’ve never really seen myself as the type of guy who would settle down. But after spending time with Asa and getting to know him better-witnessing firsthand how much he values his relationship with Sloan, he may have just changed my mind. Because if he can end up with a girl as beautiful as her, then maybe it’s not too late for the rest of us.”

People begin to raise their glasses, but Carter waves a hand in the air to hush them. I can feel Asa tense at my side, but I’ve been tense since Carter started speaking.

“I’m not finished,” Carter says, his eyes roaming over the crowd. “Asa Jackson deserves a longer toast than this, you impatient fuckers.”

More laughs.

Carter downs his second glass of champagne and then waits for Dalton to refill it for a third time. My pulse is racing so hard, I’m praying Asa doesn’t grab my wrist and feel it.

“While Sloan is very, very beautiful,” Carter says, making sure not to look at me. “Looks have shit-all to do with love. Love isn’t found in the attraction you have to someone. Love isn’t found in the laughter you share. Love isn’t even found in all the things you have in common. Love is not, in any way, shape or form, defined by nor found in the abundance of bliss it brings two people.” He downs his third glass of champagne and with the same routine, Dalton fills Carter’s glass for a fourth time. I take a sip of my own glass now that my mouth and throat have completely run dry.

“Love,” Carter says, his voice a little more slurred and a little bit louder. “Love is not found. Love finds.”

Carter’s eyes move across the room until they land on mine. “Love finds you in the forgiveness at the tail end of a fight. Love finds you in the empathy you feel for someone else. Love finds you in the embrace that follows a tragedy. Love finds you in the celebration after the conquering of an illness. Love finds you in the devastation after the surrender to an illness.”

Carter raises his glass. “To Asa and Sloan. May love find you in every tragedy you face.”

The room erupts in cheers.

My heart erupts in my chest.

Asa’s mouth finds mine and he kisses me, then he’s gone. Disappeared into the crowd of people clamoring to pat him on the back, congratulate him and inflate his ego.

I’m left standing on the stairs, staring at the guy who is still standing on his chair, staring back at me.

He stares for several seconds and I can’t look away. Then he downs his fourth glass of champagne, wipes his mouth and steps off the chair, disappearing into the crowd.

I put my hand on my stomach and release all the breath I’ve been holding since he began his speech.

Love finds you in the tragedies.

That’s certainly where Carter found me. In the midst of a series of tragedies…

My eyes scan the crowd until I spot Asa on the other side of the room, staring straight at me. Suspicion has replaced the smile that’s been affixed to his face all afternoon. His eyes are focused on mine with the same intensity mine were just focused on Carter’s.

I can’t even find the strength to fake a smile.

Asa downs a shot and slams it on the table next to him. Kevin refills it and he downs that one. Then another. His gaze never once wavers from mine.

Asa-27

Asa

“Another.”

“That’s five already, Asa,” Kevin says. “It’s barely after nine. You’ll be out by ten if you keep this up.”

I tear my eyes from Sloan and glare at Kevin. He concedes, pours the sixth shot and I down it. When I look back at the stairs, she’s gone.

I glance around the room, but I don’t see her. I immediately part through the crowd and make my way up the stairs, toward our bedroom.