Thoughtless

I felt like throwing up. I considered bending over the sink and just letting it happen right there. Kellan paused for a moment at the entryway, his back to me. "Do you think Denny would be intrigued or upset, if she opens the wrong door?" he said over his shoulder casually.

I gaped at him, speechless. He finally turned to look at me, an odd look in his eyes for half a second, before calmness settled in his features. He took a few steps towards me. I felt like backing away, but I held my ground. "You said before, that you wanted to know when I was...seeing someone. Well...I guess I'm seeing someone."

I still couldn't find any words in me, so he continued. "I'm going to date. I told you, I wouldn't keep it a secret from you, so..." He paused for a deep breath. "I'm going upstairs now, and-"

I made a face that could only have looked like horror and disgust, and he immediately stopped explaining just what he was going to do. I had pretty much figured that out anyway.

"I said I wouldn't hide it. I'm not. Full disclosure, right?"

Irritation flashed through me. I hadn't exactly wanted him bringing home strange women for me to listen to through our very thin walls when we had talked about this. I guess, I had just meant that if he found someone he liked, and dated her for months and months, then maybe, they could go to a hotel room far, far away from me and I would then...understand. I suppose that scenario had been a bit unrealistic.

"Do you even know her name?" I whispered heatedly.

He stared blankly at me for a second before answering. "No, I don't need to, Kiera," he whispered. I gave him a cold, icy look. He returned it, as he snapped, "Don't judge me...and I won't judge you." With that, he turned and left the room.

My thirst completely gone, I practically ran back up the stairs once I could move again. The laughter and erotic noises that later came from his room, turned my stomach for the rest of the night...

The next morning, I stayed in bed and waited for Denny to wake up. The image of that woman's hands running up and down Kellan's jeans wouldn't leave me, the sounds still echoed in my head. I swallowed back tears at the memory of hearing them last night; she had not been quiet. I had heard her leave in the middle of the night (apparently, sleepovers were not encouraged), but I had no desire to be alone with Kellan this morning. I wasn't sure what was more surreal to me, my odd dream of us together, or seeing him with that woman. Was that really what he considered dating?

Denny woke up awhile later and smiled over at me still in bed with him; I usually ducked out while he was still sleeping. He reached over to me and started kissing my neck. I stiffened, and he stopped with a sigh. I was not in the mood right now. I waited patiently for him to sit-up, stretch, and stand, and then I sat up and walked over to him, smiling as best as I could.

"Are you all right? You look tired," he asked, sweetly running his hand through my hair.

I nodded and tried to brighten my smile. "I just didn't sleep well...I'm fine."

We both got dressed and ready for our days. I took as long as I could, without making Denny late, and he watched me get ready with a soft smile on his lips; always patient, always willing to spend a little time with me where he could. I swallowed the lump in my throat from that thought, and taking his hand, we went downstairs to the kitchen together. Kellan was awake, of course, and was watching TV in the living room. Upon hearing us, he shut the TV off and walked into the room. Denny smiled at him while I rolled my eyes and stifled a sigh.

Kellan greeted us, then looking at me oddly, asked Denny. "I was thinking of having a couple friends over tonight. Would you guys be okay with that?"

Denny answered for us, "Sure, mate, whatever...it's your place." He smiled and clapped him on the shoulder, as he went to the fridge to make a quick breakfast for us.

Kellan glanced over to where I was silently standing by the table. "Are you okay...with that?"

I blushed and looked down, catching the pause in his question, and what he was really asking me. "Sure...whatever." Looking back on that later, I probably should have been honest and said, no.

My head was in a fog the remainder of the day. All throughout school, and all throughout my shift at work, my mind kept flipping between our last tender kiss in the kitchen, my dream of having an affair with him, and his leggy brunette pressed against the fridge.

In the middle of my shift at Pete's, the D-Bags rolled in, but Kellan wasn't with them. He must already be home, entertaining. If he wasn't having the band over, I wasn't sure who I was going to find at our house. The anticipation tied my stomach into painful knots. I honestly had no idea what to expect. I had no idea what Kellan had meant by "a couple friends".

I was handing the band their beers, when Evan noticed my fog. "You okay, Kiera? You seem kind of out of it?" he asked politely.

Griffin was not so polite. "Yeah, you raggin' or something?"

Matt smacked him across the chest, in a move so similar to what Kellan would have done, that I had to swallow. "No, I'm fine...just tired." I looked at them thoughtfully for a second, then blurted out, "Are you guys going to Kellan's thing at our house?"

Matt looked over from Griffin, surprised. "Kellan's having a party?"

I frowned. "He didn't tell you?"

Griffin looked affronted. "We do have lives outside of Kellan Kyle, you know."

I blushed and Evan quickly answered, "No. I'm not going anyway. I have a date." He winked at me, his warm brown eyes sparkling at the prospect of a new love.

Matt shook his head too, running a hand back through his spiky hair. "No, I don't feel like hanging out with Kellan's groupies tonight." He looked over at Griffin. "You?"

Griffin surprisingly scowled. "Hell, no! Fuck Kellan and his stupid-ass parties."

Matt laughed at him. "Dude, are you still mad about that? That was forever ago."

He crossed his arms over his chest, pouting like a five year old, and glared at Matt. "I clearly called dibs."

Evan sighed. "You can't call dibs on a human being, Griffin."

Griffin shot him a look, while I blushed deeply, realizing what they were talking about. "Yes, yes you can...and I did, and he clearly heard me. He even said 'whatever, Griffin' in total agreement. But who did that fucker take to his room later?" He pointed angrily to his chest. "My chick!"

Matt laughed again. "Since when is 'whatever' total agreement?" He laughed some more and Evan joined him.

Griffin took a swig of the beer I had just handed him. "Dude, it's not cool to kype another man's dibs. I'm not playing on his home turf anymore." He sulked in his chair while Matt laughed hysterically.

Evan chuckled and said, "Riiight....that's why Kellan got the girl, home field advantage."

Griffin exhaled loudly and then scowled at the both of them. "Shut it...fuckers." Then he chugged his beer.

Blushing deeply, and sorry I even brought it up, I quickly left the table. Now I was really dreading going home.

Jenny gave me a ride that night after my shift. "Want to come in?" I suddenly asked Jenny, as she pulled up to the extra-packed street and driveway. "Kellan's having a...thing." I shrugged. I just had a feeling I would need her support tonight, even if she didn't realize it.

"Oh...sure, I can come in for a little bit." She smiled, and managing to squeeze in behind Denny's car, parked hers, and we made our way to the front door.

I held my breath as I opened it. The first thing I noticed was Denny and Kellan on the couch, chatting and laughing easily. I walked into the entryway, set my bag down and hung up my jacket, feeling more relaxed. It was wonderful to see them happy together again. It felt like ages ago that they had really talked to each other. As I started walking towards them, however, my mood suddenly shifted. A dark-haired, dark-skinned and outrageously beautiful girl, plopped right down onto Kellan's lap and kissed him. He laughed and kissed her back. Denny smiled and looked away from them, and over to me. He smiled warmly at me and waved, but then he frowned. I realized I was scowling at Kellan and his hussy, and attempted to fix my face.

"Wow...do you know all these people?" Jenny asked, as she moved up beside me.

It was only then, that I realized there were a good dozen people in the living room, with more voices drifting over from the kitchen. A few friends, huh? I looked over at her. "No."

She waved at Denny sitting on the couch and laughed a bit. "Well, Kellan sure seems to know them."

Grudgingly, I looked back to the couch. Kellan was still kissing the girl, rather intently, his hand running up her thigh. I turned away from the sight, when flashes of his tongue in her mouth made my stomach rise and fire burn through me. I slid my eyes over to Denny, who was still watching me curiously. He stood and walked over to us as we entered the living room.

"Hey Jenny," he said politely to her. Then he turned to me. "You okay? I know there's kind of a lot of people here. Kellan said we only had to tell him, and he would kick them out." He smiled warmly at me and pulled me in for a hug.

I managed a weak smile as I hugged him back. Over his shoulder, I could see Kellan. He'd stopped making out, and was now running his fingers through the dark-haired girl's locks, while talking to a strawberry-blonde girl in the spot Denny had just left. To my surprise, he leaned over and gave her a soft kiss; the woman on his lap didn't seem to care in the least.

"No...it's fine. I do need a drink though." I hoped there wasn't too much venom in my voice. My anger was starting to simmer, which I didn't quite understand.

"Sure, come on." He pulled me through the crowd, while Jenny followed behind our wake.

Denny grabbed a beer from an open pack on the counter and handed it to me. I thanked him and quickly opened it, taking a swig. Really, I needed to relax. So what if he's...spreading himself around. No great shock there. I already knew he was like that.

Forcing myself to get through the next couple of hours without making an embarrassing, and question-inducing scene, I sat in an empty chair at the table and concentrated on making polite conversation with Jenny and Denny. I watched the half-dozen strangers around us. I was a little surprised that the band hadn't shown up here anyway. Surely they would have enjoyed something like this? But the group, ninety percent of which was women, were people I hadn't seen before. Actually, now that I was watching them more closely, a couple did look vaguely familiar...fans maybe?

I was listening to Denny talk to one of the few guys in the room and watching the crowd, when I turned to people-watch in the living room. A break in the bodies gave me a view of Kellan. He was standing and dancing with the strawberry-blonde, the dark-haired woman watching them from the couch. My jaw dropped in remembered surprise. He was dancing with her, exactly the way he had danced with me at the club. He was behind her, his arm around her waist, hand resting on her jeans, pulling her into his hips, and they were moving together in a way that made me blush. Smiling, he lowered his head to her ear and whispered something to her, making her bite her lip and sag against him. Our intimate moment being used on another, made me curiously furious.

Still smiling, he glanced up and for the first time, caught my eye. His smile slipped for half second and he looked at me oddly, almost sadly. Then the smile was back and his eyes warmed. He nodded politely to me, and turned his attention to the dark-haired woman, who had come up behind him and was pressing against his back. He grinned widely at her and leaning back, kissed her deeply. I turned away, sickened and furious.

Jenny, who had been watching me watch him, noticed. "Are you okay?" She glanced at Kellan dancing with his two floosies, then back to me. She whispered, "Is that bothering you?"

Panicked, I wasn't sure how to explain why that made me angry. I shook my head and looked down at my bottle. "No, no of course not. It's just...it's gross." I looked back up at her, trying to look prudish. "Two women...really? That's just asking for trouble."

She laughed a little and looked over at him. "Yeah...I suppose it is." She shook her head, like it didn't really matter to her. "Well, he says he's careful, so, I guess, whatever floats your boat, right?"