This Same Earth
Page 47“I don’t know what I want,” she whispered.
“And I finally do.” He embraced her, feeling the race of her heart against his chest. “I’ve spent five hundred years waiting to feel toward anyone the way I feel toward you.” He clenched his jaw when he spoke again. “I know you want to be cautious, but remember that, too.”
Beatrice’s pulse began to even out as she calmed herself, taking deep breaths until her shoulders relaxed. She took a step back and her hands unclenched.
“I feel like I’m falling sometimes. I feel like my life is out of control, and I don’t know my way around.” She shrugged helplessly. “I’m a stranger here.”
He reached his hand out and she took it. “You’re not a stranger to me.”
Chapter Twelve
Northern Wales
January 2010
A week later, Beatrice and Giovanni travelled by horseback through the rugged mountains of Snowdonia in northern Wales. They followed Carwyn, who was hospitable enough to travel above ground for the benefit of his guests. They were stopping in Carwyn’s house in Wales for a few nights before continuing on to London to meet with his daughter and her fiancé, a water vampire who ran London and had extensive contacts throughout Britain and the continent.
The leads into Ioan’s death had dead-ended in Dublin, but Beatrice had found two boats in the port that were owned by shadow corporations that looked promising. One was headed to London, and the other had been tracked to La Havre. Either could have been Lorenzo, but they would have to go to London before they could find out more.
“I’m sorry you’re visiting my home for the first time under these circumstances.”
He pulled his mount back and kept pace with her as they made their way along the trail. Giovanni had ridden ahead, familiar with the terrain and, she suspected, wanting to give her and Carwyn some time alone to talk.
He shrugged. “It’s a crazy world you’ve found yourself in, darling girl. I can hardly blame you for not feeling entirely yourself.”
“I’m glad to be visiting anyway.”
“How’s the bike?”
“Good,” she smiled. “I’m happy you convinced me to buy the Triumph.”
Carwyn nodded. “Anyone looking after things? While you’re away?”
“Well, officially I’m still on my vacation time, though Dez and Matt know what’s really going on and are watching the house. I’m going to have to figure out something to do about work, though.”
“Ah, so Dez is finally in on the secret, is she?”
Beatrice nodded. “She is. And she and Matt are dating now.”
“About bloody time,” he muttered.
Carwyn chuckled and looked around the snowy valley. “That I do, though I hardly think any of them are out on a night like this.”
Though she was bundled in the warm woolen clothes she had bought in Ireland, Beatrice still shivered as they made their way through the cold, desolate hills leading toward Carwyn’s mountain home.
“So Matt and Dez are finally together,” he continued.
“Yep.”
“And you and Gio?”
She fell silent and looked sideways at him. “What about us?”
Carwyn shrugged and gave a wry smile. “Distract an old man with some juicy gossip. What’s going on with you two? I know you and Mano broke up.”
“Yeah,” she said quietly, surprised by how much it still hurt, “we did.”
“And you and Gio are obviously more than friends. You always were. Anything else is pure denial. So why aren’t you two together now?” She may have been glaring at him, but the priest only offered a wink.
“He left me, Carwyn. For five years he stayed away, and he knew where I was the whole time. Am I supposed to just forget all that time because he comes back and tells me he loves me?”
She shrugged and looked at the mounded cairns that started to appear at regular intervals along the path.
“Do you love him?”
She wouldn’t have answered for anyone but him, but Carwyn was one of the people she trusted most in the world.
“Honestly? I don’t know. I think part of me never stopped, but the other part of me doesn’t quite trust him to stick around.”
They rode in silence for a while longer.
“I understand where you’re coming from, B—and heaven knows I told him he was wrong to stay away for so long—but at the same time, I do understand why he did it.”
Beatrice scowled at him. “You know, I’m pretty sick of everyone thinking they know what I want more than I do.”
Carwyn chuckled and brushed at the red hair that fell in his eyes. “I’m sure you are, but let me tell you, the time you were in L.A., without him, you did a lot of growing. It was lovely to watch, you know, to see you come into yourself. Do you think you would have grown the same ways if he had been there? Or if you had stayed in Houston with him?”
She clenched her jaw. “It’s not that I don’t agree with what you’re saying. I do, but—”
“Or what kind of life would you have had if you were traveling all over the world with him? The work he was doing, B—tracking your father, shoring up alliances—it was important. And then he found Ben—”