This Man

Denial! Just how bad is this? I’ve never seen him drunk before.

He’s on top of me, looking down at me. This close up, his eyes are even more hollow and dark.

‘You need help.’ I say on a cracking voice. I’m going to need help too.

‘I needed you and…you…you left me.’ His breath is hot, but it’s not his usual minty smell. All I can smell are alcohol fumes, so whoever claims you can’t smell vodka is lying.

I plant my palms on his bare chest to push him away, applying only a little pressure for fear I might push him over. It’s laughable. This tall, lean, strapping man, but he’s so unstable on his feet. His chest feels like him – that I recognise, but it’s the only part of him that I do at the moment.

He takes a step back, tipping the bottle to his lips again. I want to grab it and smash it on the floor. ‘Sorry, am I invading your space?’ He laughs. ‘It’s never bothered you before.’

‘You weren’t drunk before.’ I retort.

‘No…I wasn’t. I was too busy f**king you to think about having a drink,’ He looks at me with disgust, leaning forward. ‘I was too busy f**king you to think about anything. And you loved it.’ He smirks. ‘You were good. In fact, you were the best I’ve had. And I’ve had a lot.’

Rage flies through me like a rocket. So fast, I don’t even notice that my hand has flown out and slapped him clean across his face – not until the sting sets in and it starts throbbing. Fuck, that hurt!

He holds his face to the side, where my vicious hand has put it, before slowly turning it back to me. He laughs mildly. ‘Fun, wasn’t it?’

I look at him in complete contempt, shaking my head. I feel like I’m being dragged through a madcap movie. This sort of shit just doesn’t happen, especially not to me. Sex houses, crazy madness and alcoholic arseholes. How did I get caught up in all of this freakiness?

‘You’re one f**ked up sorry state.’

‘Watch your mouth.’ he slurs.

‘You don’t get to tell me what I can say!’ I shout. ‘You don’t get to tell how to do anything. Not anymore!’

‘I’m.a.fucked.up.sorry.state.and.it’s.all.because.of.you.’ He punctuates each and every word on a slur, jabbing his finger in my face. I fear I might actually punch him in his drunken face if I don’t leave now. But all of my stuff is here, and I need to get it. I don’t want to ever come back.

I brush past him, hurrying for the stairs. With any luck, he’s too drunk to climb them, and I can snatch my things up without any further vicious exchanges. I take the stairs fast, barreling into the bedroom and standing for a few moments wondering where he would’ve put my bag.

Finding my overnight case tucked neatly behind some shoe boxes in the wardrobe, I yank it free, pulling down my clothes from the hangers and scooping up my things from the floor at the same time. I rush back into the bedroom, finding Jesse stood in the doorway. It’s taken him a lot longer than usual, but he’s made it up the stairs. I ignore him and run into the bathroom, all but flinging my toiletries into my bag without checking they’re sealed. I’ll probably have a pile of clothes caked in shampoo by the time I get out of here, but I couldn’t care less. I need out, and I need out quickly.

‘Does this bring back memories, Ava?’

I look up, finding him stroking the top of the vanity unit, his face straight as he caresses the marble counter. I try to blank out our launch night encounter. In this very suite was where I finally surrendered to this man. In this bathroom was where we made love for the first time. No, we f**ked for the first time. And now it all ends here too.

He’s blocking my path with his tall, swaying body. I notice the bottle of vodka has been abandoned, his towel working its way loose. I try to side step him, but he moves with me, hampering my attempts to pass.

‘You’re really going?’ he slurs softly.

‘You think I would stay?’ I ask exasperated. After everything that’s transpired today? I’d thought I could overcome The Manor and all the crap that accompanies it, but this on top of all that has just catapulted my already crumbled world into complete obliteration. No amount of love or feelings could ever fix this mess. He’s led me on a merry dance. He’s purposely deceived me and manipulated me.

‘So, that’s it? You’ve turned my life upside down, caused all this damage, and now you’re leaving without fixing it?’

I look up at him in shock. Does he think that he’s the only one affected by all of this? I’ve turned his world upside down? Even in a paralytic state, the man is delusional.

‘Goodbye, Jesse.’ I push past him, heading straight for the stairs, fighting the urge to look back. The devastating man I fell I love with, the man that I thought would be engraved on my mind’s eye for the rest of my life, has been cruelly replaced by that nasty, drunken creature.

‘I wanted to tell you, but you had to be your usual difficult self!’ he roars at my back. ‘How can you walk away?’ I flinch at his harshness but keep going. ‘Ava, baby, please!’

Half way down the stairs, I hear a loud clatter and a collection of bangs and crashes. This just makes me run faster. Any dream of falling into his strong, loving arms has been sensationally dashed. My happy ever after with my lovable rogue has been chewed up and spat out. I could have tumbled into a relationship with Jesse without a clue about his dark secrets. When would I have eventually found out?

I should be thankful. At least I know now, before it’s too late.