This Man Confessed

‘Turn around.’

I pull back and watch his delighted eyes as he nods over my shoulder. I slowly pivot and stand for a few moments, scanning the car park for whatever I should be looking for, but nothing is jumping out at me. His arm appears over my shoulder and a set of car keys are dangling in front of my face, and it’s then I spot a dirty great big, bright white, sparkly wheeled Range Rover Sport. Or tank—whichever.

Oh no!

I can’t even think of any words. How did I miss it? It’s blinding me now. I squint as the keys are jangled in front of me, like he doesn’t realise that I’ve clocked my present and he’s trying to hint further. No need. I can see it. And I hate it!

‘Over there,’ he prompts, jangling the keys again.

‘You mean that spaceship?’ I ask dryly. I’m not driving that thing, no matter how many countdowns or sense f**ks I get as a consequence.

‘You don’t like it?’ He sounds hurt. Oh shit, what do I say?

‘I like my Mini.’

‘It’s not safe.’ Now he sounds affronted, as I knew he would. He makes his way around me and looks down at my shocked face. ‘This is safer.’

I can’t help the incredulous look my face is naturally morphing into. ‘Jesse, that’s a man’s car—a John car. It’s f**king huge!’

‘Ava! Watch your f**king mouth!’ He scowls at me. ‘I got it in white. That’s a lady’s colour. Come on, I’ll show you.’ He takes my reluctant shoulders and leads me over to the giant snowball. The closer I get, the more I hate it. It’s far too showy. I love my Mini. ‘Look,’ He opens the door… and I gasp.

It gets worse.

White… everywhere. White leather steering wheel; white leather gearstick; white leather seats. Even the carpets are white.

I look up at him, my deluded husband, and shake my head, but I can’t be ungrateful. He looks so pleased with himself. I thought this man had taste. ‘I don’t know what to say.’ I really don’t. ‘You could’ve just bought me a watch or a necklace or something.’ I wish he’d have bought me a watch or necklace or something.

‘Jump in.’ He ushers me towards the thing.

I gasp. Oh no! Stitched in the headrest of the front seat is Mrs Ward.

Now that’s going too far. ‘I am not driving this!’ I blurt, before my brain filters the insulting declaration.

‘You f**king are!’

Well, that just got rid of any guilt I had, and now my heels are firmly digging in. ‘I am not! Jesse, it’s way too big for me!’

‘It’s safe.’ He picks me up and places me on the driver’s seat. I feel small. ‘Look,’ Reaching in, he presses a button and a compartment pops open, revealing a computer screen. ‘Everything you’ll need. I’ve loaded all of your favourite music.’ He grins, pressing a button and Massive Attack seeps through all of the millions of speakers. ‘You can think of me.’

‘I think of you every time you call and I hear that track.’ I jump out. ‘I want your car. You can have this.’ I signal to the gleaming heap of metal.

‘Me?’ A worried looks passes over his face. ‘But it’s a bit…’ He runs his eyes over my present. ‘… girly.’

‘It is, and I know your game, Ward.’ I look inside and my mind conjures up images of baby seats and child booster seats. And a pram in the boot. Oh no! I point my finger at his chest. ‘The only reason you want me to drive this thing is because it’s enormous and there’s less chance of injury if I crash. Prettying it up isn’t going to convince me.’ I turn and storm off towards my lovely little mini, in which there is no chance of squeezing a pram in the boot.

I’m stunned when I make it into my car without any Jesse style intervention. I look in the rear view mirror as I settle in my seat and see him leaning against his own car with his arms folded over his chest. I ignore the heavy glower on his stunning face and start my Mini, quickly reversing out of the space and heading for the gates. ‘Impossible man,’ I mutter to myself, reaching up to smash the button on the little black device that will open the gates.

It’s not there.

‘What!’ I yell disbelievingly to absolutely no one. ‘Fucking hell!’ I slam my brakes on and jump out, finding the glower has morphed into a dazzling smile.

‘Planning on going somewhere?’

‘Oh f**k off!’ I yell across the car park, grabbing my bag from the front seat and leaving my car exactly where it is, driver’s door open. I stomp my angry heels towards the pedestrian gate, but I’m not lucky enough to avoid a Jesse style intervention this time. I’m swiftly grabbed and hoofed back to my shiny new wedding present.

‘Will you watch your f**king mouth!’ He places me in the driver’s seat and puts the seatbelt on me before whipping the keys to my Mini from my hand. ‘Why do you have to defy me on absolutely everything?’ He starts transferring all of my keys onto my new car key.

‘Because you’re an unreasonable arse!’ I shift irritably in my seat. ‘Why can’t you take me to work?’

‘I’m already late for a meeting because my wife won’t do as she’s told.’ He grabs the back of my neck and yanks me towards his lips. ‘Anyone would think you’re after a retribution f**k.’

‘I’m not!’

He grins and hits me with a full on, hot, melt worthy kiss. A long one—one of those kisses that bashes all of the obstinacy right out of me. ‘Hmmm, you taste delicious, baby. What time are you finishing work?’