This Man Confessed

‘You really do know everything now.’ His dry voice is still disjointed and his searching eyes are looking for mine but not falling where he knows them to be. ‘Are you leaving me?’

If my heart was breaking for him before, then now it’s just shattered. That simple, perfectly reasonable question and the unsure tone in which he’s asked it, has tears stabbing painfully at the backs of my eyes. ‘Look at me.’ I demand sharply, and he does, showing me unthinkable hurt. It cuts so deep and the tears roll freely. So do his. I know I’m his saviour now. I’m the key to redemption for him. I’m his angel. ‘Unbreakable.’ I weep, crushed by sadness for this man. Two weeks of emptiness has been flooded by happiness, but soon replaced with sorrow.

He gasps, but I’m not sure whether it’s in pain or relief. ‘Hold me.’ he begs, weakly lifting a heavy arm out to me. The no contact will be killing him, especially when he has to depend on me to feed his need.

Gingerly crawling onto the bed, I settle carefully around tubes and dressings. I’m pulled in closer. ‘Jesse, be careful.’

‘It hurts more if I’m not touching you.’

His fingertip connects with my chin and pulls my face up to his, and I reach up to catch a stray tear before running my palm all over his overgrown face. ‘I love you.’ I say quietly, pushing my lips gently to his.

‘I’m glad.’

‘Don’t stay that.’ I pull back and hit him with a disappointed glare. ‘I don’t want you to say that.’

His confusion is clear. ‘But I am.’

‘That’s not what you usually say.’ I whisper, giving his too long hair a warning yank.

My savageness tips the corner of his lips. ‘Tell me you love me.’ he demands, probably using far too much of his energy to sound stern.

‘I love you.’ I comply immediately, and he breaks into his full-on, glorious smile, reserved only for me. It’s the most incredible sight, even if there are tears accompanying it and he’s a little too washed out.

‘I know,’ He kisses me sweetly, then hisses, losing his momentum, then rides out the pain to kiss me again.

‘I’m getting the nurse now.’ I tell him determinedly. ‘You need some painkillers.’

‘I need you.’ he grumbles. ‘You’re my cure.’

Reluctantly releasing his lips, I prop myself up and clasp his face in both hands. ‘Then why are you still tensing and hissing in discomfort?’

‘Because it f**king hurts.’ he admits.

I give him one last peck and peel my body away from him before re-arranging the sheets over his waist. Whilst it’s horrible seeing him so weak and helpless, the thought of looking after him and nursing him back to health is something I’ll cherish.

‘What are you smiling about?’ he asks, lifting his arms to let me tuck the sheets in.

‘Nothing,’ I reach over and finally press the call button for the nurse.

‘You’re going to love this, aren’t you?’

I pause mid plump of his pillow and break out into a smile when I catch his disgruntled face. He’s a big, powerful man, who has been reduced to a weak, injured soul. This will be hard for him. ‘I have the power.’

‘Don’t get used to it.’ he grunts, just as the door swings open and the nurse hurries in.

‘Oh! Oh my!’ She’s by his bed and checking the machinery in a second, faffing around and feeling for his pulse. ‘Welcome back, Jesse.’ she says, but he just grunts some more and looks up to the ceiling. He’s going to hate this. ‘Feeling groggy?’

‘Shit.’ he confirms. ‘When can I go home?’

My eyes roll, and the nurse laughs. ‘Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Eyes, please.’ She gets the pen light from her pocket and waits for my grouchy Lord to drop his greens for her. When he does, she falters slightly before resuming medical duties. ‘Your wife has told me all about these eyes.’ she muses, flicking the pen from one to the other. ‘They really are quite something.’

I smile proudly and raise on my tiptoes to look over her bending body, finding him grinning from ear to ear. ‘Is that all she told you about, nurse?’ he asks cheekily.

The jolly woman cocks a warning eyebrow. ‘No, she’s told me about that roguish grin, too. Bed bath?’

He recoils on a grimace, and I laugh. ‘No, I’ll shower.’ he blurts, flashing me horrified eyes.

‘No can do, young man. Not until the doctor checks you over and we remove your catheter.’ She is putting him firmly in his place.

His horror increases, and the nurse lifts his catheter frame to demonstrate the obstacle. The mortification all over his handsome, hairy face is really quite a picture. ‘For f**k sake.’ he mutters, dropping his head back to the pillow and closing his eyes to hide from his embarrassment.

‘I’ll call the doctor.’ She chuckles as she leaves the room and I’m once again alone with my poor, dependant husband.

‘Get me out of here, baby.’ he begs.

‘No way, Ward.’ I pour him some water and stick a straw in the plastic cup, then put it to his dry lips. ‘Drink.’

‘Is it bottled?’ he asks, eyeing up the jug on the side.

‘I doubt it. Stop being a water snob and drink.’

He follows through on my demand and takes a few sips. ‘Don’t let that nurse give me a bed bath.’

‘Why not?’ I ask, placing the cup on the unit next to the bed. ‘It’s her job, Jesse and she’s been doing it very well for the past two weeks.’