This Is How It Ends

“TMI,” I said, trying to calm the anxiety racing through me. I’d smelled French fries in mine and had felt a weird nervousness that definitely wouldn’t have been part of a fantasy or hallucination.

“But it was like it was really happening,” Tannis insisted. “Or would. And now this.”

“It’s impossible,” I said again.

“How do you know?” she demanded.

“It’s against the laws of physics. We studied it in class last year.” Another of Mr. Ruskovich’s lessons. But even as I said it, I wondered if it was true. You couldn’t go to the future, but did that mean you couldn’t see it? I wasn’t about to share any doubts with Tannis. “All that stuff in books and movies . . . it’s all just fantasy.”

“Really?” she asked hopefully.

“There’s one way to find out for sure,” Trip chimed in.

I knew immediately what he meant. “I’m not going back there,” I said. “That’s crazy, Trip. After what happened?”

“You’re not curious?” he countered.

Oh, I was definitely curious. Could it really be my future? Me with Sarah? I glanced at her and saw the weirdest expression on her face. Nervous, almost guilty. What had she seen that she was afraid to tell?

“What are you guys talking about?” Tannis asked.

“Going back to the binoculars,” Sarah said. “Right?” She looked at Trip.

He nodded. “You just said it couldn’t be the future, so what can looking hurt?” he asked me.

“It was definitely something, though,” I said. “Hallucinations or whatever.”

“So?” Trip said.

I looked around but could see that none of them got it. “What if it’s what we first talked about—subconscious desires or something? What if whatever happened that night called up things we’d been thinking deep down.” I saw Tannis about to interrupt. “Maybe so deep we’re not even aware of it.”

“And . . . ,” Trip prompted.

“And changed how we think or act. Maybe it didn’t predict what happened to Nat’s dad but caused it.”

No one said anything for a minute.

“You really think she did it?” Trip said quietly.

“Not the Nat we’ve always known,” I said. “But what if it was a hallucinogen? Something chemical that got on our skin? Into our brains? That night last year when we were on acid? We were acting pretty weird.”

“You think?” Trip said sarcastically.

“And to tell you the truth, I didn’t feel right for a few days after.”

He nodded slowly.

“What if this is like that and somehow it changed Natalie?” I said, then added, “We have no idea what we’re dealing with.”

Trip pursed his lips, thinking. Finally he said, “Don’t you think we should figure it out, Ri? I mean, the police are investigating a murder and holding our friend—maybe as a suspect. She saw it coming. Don’t you think we should check out the thing that showed it to her?”

I was silent because I didn’t want to go back. “You didn’t even see anything,” I said to him.

“All the more reason to look again,” Trip countered. “So I can see if you’re all just nuts. We’re the only ones who know about the binoculars,” he continued quietly. “If they have anything to do with what happened to Nat’s dad—by changing things or predicting them or whatever—the police will have no idea to even consider them.

“Which could be good or bad,” he added after a few seconds.

“Depending on . . . ,” I said.

“On whether or not Nat had anything to do with it.”

I realized that for all his certainty, Trip actually wasn’t that certain at all. Typical.

“So let’s just tell the cops about them and be done,” Tannis said. A confused look passed over her face. “Actually, that wouldn’t be a very good idea, would it?”

“They’d think we’re crazy,” Sarah said.

“Or worse,” I said. “Find out that we’re not.”

“We have to go back,” Trip said. “I don’t think there’s really a choice.”

“There’s always a choice,” I said, but it was halfhearted. I didn’t want to admit it and definitely didn’t want to do it, but Trip was right. We had to look again.

CHAPTER 10

“TELL ME AGAIN WHY WE’RE we doing this?” Tannis asked as she climbed into my car.

“Because you live close to me and I’ve got the car tonight and I’m gentleman enough not to make you walk.”

“No, you moron. I meant, why are we going back to those binoculars?”

I knew that’s what she’d meant, but I was trying to avoid thinking about it, my stomach a tight ball of knots.

Tannis poked my shoulder. “Hey. Loverboy.”

I rubbed the spot where she’d jabbed me. “Could you please stop calling me that?”

She snorted. “Truth hurts?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I snapped, wishing immediately I hadn’t. I suspected Tannis knew I had a thing for Sarah, but I sure didn’t want to hear it out loud.

She smirked. “I think you know.”

“Whatever.” I waved it off. “You heard Trip,” I said, returning to her original question. “We’re going back because we need to know what the binoculars are. And whether they had anything to do with what happened to Nat’s dad.”

“And if they did?”

“I don’t know. I guess it depends on how they’re connected.” I didn’t want to think about turning Nat in. Or turning the binoculars in. Though I wouldn’t mind seeing the look on Lincoln Andrews’s face if he saw the crazy shit we had.

She was quiet for about ten seconds. Which might have been a world record for Tannis. “What if it really is the future?”

“It’s not,” I said automatically.

“But what if it is?”

“Okay, fine,” I said. “Let’s just say—for the sake of argument—that it is. So what?”

“So what?”

“Yeah,” I said. “Does it matter? Does it change anything?”

“It changes everything.” Tannis’s voice broke on the last word.

I looked over, surprised.

“It’s all wrong,” Tannis said.