There You Stand

“Something like that,” I said, pausing. “It was a struggle to get him to talk at the beginning, still is.”

“Do you think he feels the same way about you?” she asked, looking down at her row of cards.

I shrugged. Then I decided I needed to tell somebody. Or I would lose my mind.

“Thing is, his past seems pretty messy and I’m not sure what his story is. I’m afraid I’m in over my head.”

She looked at me thoughtfully. No judgment. No fear. “He does seem to have plenty of rumors swirling around him.”

I nearly choked on my tea. “Guess you’ve heard all of that stuff, too.”

“Take the time to understand Jude. And maybe give him the benefit of the doubt,” she said, patting my hand. “Sometimes things aren’t always as they seem. Just . . . be careful, especially with your heart.”

“I will,” I said.

***

It was Thursday night, so after visiting with my grandmother, I met the Raw Ink crew up at Zach’s Bar. I only considered heading to the Hog’s Den for a split second before giving up on the idea. Besides, I needed to connect with my friends.

Keeping my distance from the MC was the right decision even though it was killing me to figure out what had Jude so freaked. But it was like coming upon a locked door time and again with no solid way inside.

Besides, I didn’t want the Disciples to think I was heading to the bar for the wrong reasons. At least I thought my logic was valid. It had become so twisted in my brain that I couldn’t even think straight.

“Hey, man,” Dex said, and I could already tell he was a pitcher deep.

“Good to see you,” Jessie’s boyfriend, Nate, said. I settled into a seat across from them. Emmy was nursing a drink next to me and gave me a small smile.

“You seem off lately,” Jessie said after scrutinizing me across the table. “You okay?”

God, what was with everybody? Couldn’t I be a little more quiet and introspective without people getting on my case?

“Yeah, sure,” I said.

“Still having issues with your back?” Jessie asked.

“Actually, it’s been better the last couple of days.” I thought about Jude and the tennis balls and tried hard to hide my smile. “But still think I’ll call the holistic center.”

Jessie nodded. “They’ll hook you up. They have plenty of patients with messed-up spines.”

“Why do you have problems anyway, bro?” Bennett asked. “Something happen to your back?”

“From his accident,” Dex slurred into his beer and I stiffened. I probably should’ve guessed the day would come when he’d blurt shit out about me.

For the life of me I couldn’t get my mouth unstuck, so I just narrowed my eyes at him. He was oblivious, though, and when Bennett continued to look confused he said, “It happened before we came to work at Raw Ink. His boyfriend, he . . .”

Even in a drunken state it was difficult to say the words, apparently. His gaze swung to mine and right away he realized his mistake. “Fuck, Cory, sorry. Can’t take my drunk ass anywhere.”

The whole table grew silent as if they knew this was something big. But things felt different now. I was different. So I just shrugged and let it out. Besides these guys were like an extension of my family, I should’ve told them a long time ago. “Nah, it’s cool, man. It was a motorcycle accident. My boyfriend at the time . . .”

“The love of his life,” Dex mumbled and his beer spilled down his shirt. Dumb fuck.

“David,” I said, his name rolling off my tongue. It sliced my gut a little less this time. “He died.”

Emmy gasped and immediately threw an arm around me. “Cory, we didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”

Jessie looked stricken and she reached out her hand.

“It was over three years ago, guys,” I said, eyeing each one of my friends. “But thanks.”

Bennett’s eyes softened. “So your back hasn’t hurt since then?”

“It has, just not like this,” I said. “But it’s all cool.”

I could tell they all had more questions but I had shared enough for tonight.

“Who’s up for a game of flip cup?” I said with a goofy grin on my face and everybody laughed.

Jessie shook her head. “Guess your back isn’t that sore.”

I had always played the role of the jokester in this dysfunctional family, but I didn’t think I could pull it off anymore. It was no longer effective anyway. Maybe it never was. The only benefit has been warding off dealing with my feelings for a short period of time.

But now everything seemed to mean more, weigh more. Like a heavy blanket that doused the light, but still created warmth.

After one round of that idiotic game, I noticed Emmy fidgeting next to me.

I nudged her and arched my eyebrows. Her gaze darted toward the door and I saw Tristan from the shelter enter the bar. He looked around anxiously so I lifted my hand and motioned for him to join us. Emmy smiled appreciatively at me.

“Hey, dude, glad you could come.” I gave up my seat so Tristan could sit near Emmy. She introduced him to the gang and I ordered him a beer.

After a while he seemed to settle in and I heard the two of them talking about classes and animal rights shit—in that regard, they were the perfect fit.

Jessie kept flashing me goofy grins because of how much Emmy was blushing. We were on the same page about another thing: If Tristan hurt her he’d better hide his ass, because we had a whole crew willing to take him out.