The Virgin Billionaire's Hot Amish Escapade

“It's nice to meet you, Sister Sturmtrimmer,” Matthias said. “I'm Matthias and this is my friend, Luis. We're staying at an old cabin not far from town that belongs to a friend.”

She shook Luis's hand and smiled. She had the softest, puffiest hand Luis had ever touched. A chill literally ran up his spine. Luis tried not to look at her shiny black hair for too long. It reminded him of a lacquered motorcycle helmet. When he thought about Pennsylvania Dutch women, he thought of the tasteful, simple women he knew from the market back home, wearing pale gray dresses and little white caps over mousy brown hair tied back in tight buns.

“It's nice to meet you both,” Sister Sturmtrimmer said. She gave Matthias a second glance and thought for a moment. “You look familiar. I can't seem to place you.”

Matthias shrugged. “I've never been here before in my life.”

She smiled. “I suppose you're right.” But she continued to look him up and down with her finger pressed to her lips.

“We're very interested in your local Pennsylvania Dutch culture,” Matthias said. “And we were wondering if you could tell us where the Glatenfrissle compound is located so we can see it for ourselves.”

She tossed her head back and clasped her puffy hands together. Then she laughed and said, “We're not the Pennsylvania Dutch you see and hear about all the time, not in this town. We're not Amish and we're not Mennonite. Our church was founded on reformation and change and we're nothing like what you've heard. We keep to ourselves. In fact, there aren't many of us left anymore. And I know nothing about a compound in this area and I've lived here all my life. We're just a quiet little community that's based around tolerance and diversity. And we like to keep it that way, small and quiet.”

Luis heard a crash in the back room. Sister Sturmtrimmer turned, glanced over her shoulder, and frowned.

“I read about the Glatenfrissle compound on the Internet,” Matthias said. “I'm certain I did. It's supposed to be right outside of town.” He maintained an even, sincere tone.

She smiled. “There are a lot of old abandoned farms in these parts. That's probably what you read about. But I can assure you there's no compound of any significance around here.”

Luis could see they weren't going to get anywhere with her, and for all he knew, she could be telling the truth. So he smiled and said, “It was nice talking with you. You've been very helpful.”

“Ah well,” Matthias said.

Luis grabbed his arm and said, “We should leave now. We've taken up enough of Sister Sturmtrimmer's time.” Like most aggressive men, Luis had a feeling Matthias wanted to stand there and question the woman. But Luis wanted to get out of there. Then there was another crash in the back room and Luis squeezed Matthias's arm harder.

“It was nice talking with you,” Sister Sturmtrimmer said, “Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to something important I was doing in the office.”

When she was gone, Matthias put his hands on his hips and gazed down at the wooden floor. “She's lying. She's hiding something. I know it.”

“I agree,” Luis said. “But she's obviously not going to tell us anything. I'm starting to think it might be better if we just left these people alone.”

They heard the sound of high-pitched laughter coming from the back office and Matthias set his jaw. “Well, I'm going back there to ask her a few more questions. I know I read about the compound and I know I'm not imagining this. I'm going to get to the bottom of this.”

Luis rolled his eyes and followed Matthias down the aisle and up to the altar, praying Matthias would be nice to her. Luis wanted to leave, but he knew he couldn't stop Matthias. He was a lot like Jase in this respect: too much testosterone sometimes. If Jase wanted something badly enough, he would be willing to stop at nothing to get it.

But when Matthias opened the office door and they stood in the doorway and looked inside, Luis reached for Matthias's arm and held his breath. Sister Sturmtrimmer was sitting in a rocking chair, with her back facing them. Her yellow and white tent dress was up to her waist and her huge legs were spread as wide as they would go. On the wooden floor, in front of the rocking chair, they saw the creepy little guy they'd almost run over the first night they'd been there, the who had been sitting in the middle of the dark road doing absolutely nothing. His face was up between Sister Sturmtrimmer's dimpled legs and his head moved up and down, with his eyes closed and his crooked little hands braced against her soft white thighs. Luis knew it was the same little guy they'd almost run over, because the guy going to town between Sturmtrimmer's legs didn't have any feet, he wore the same shirt, and he had that bumpy mushroom-like skin condition all over one side of his face. It made Luis shudder when he thought about how easy it would be to pick his face piece by piece.

Luis stepped back and clenched his fists. Matthias closed the door very slowly so Sister Sturmtrimmer wouldn't know they'd seen her. Then he grabbed Luis by the arm and whispered, “Let's get the fuck out of here. There's something wrong with this whole fucking town.”

By the time they reached the gazebo, Luis was out of breath and he was still clutching Matthias's arm. When Jase saw Luis, he jumped down three steps and ran over and put his arms around him. “What happened in there? You look like you've seen the devil.”

Jase and Matthias helped Luis up to the gazebo. When he sat down next to Hood, Matthias went into a short version of what they'd just seen in the church office. Thankfully, he spared them the details. Luis's stomach was still turning after what he'd just seen, and he'd broken out in a cold sweat.

“Hey,” Beth Anne said. “I want to go back and see this.” She poked Blaze and laughed. “Let's go. We'll say we just went inside to say a fast prayer and light a candle.”

“Oh no, you don't,” Matthias said. “There's something strange going on around here and I'm not sure what it is. You just sit still and be a good girl. We're not letting you out of our sight. Besides, this isn't a Catholic church. There are no candles.”

Beth Anne slumped back and folded her arms across her chest. “You get to have all the fun and I just sit here.”

Matthias ignored her. He turned to Jase and asked, “Have you seen anyone walking up and down the street?”

Jase shook his head and frowned. “Not one single person. I haven't even seen a car drive down the main street. And no one has come out of any of the houses, either.”

Matthias pulled out his cigarettes and lit up another. He offered one to Jase, but Luis reached for Jase's arm and said, “I think you've had enough smoking today.” He was ready to fight to the finish on this one.