The Vampire's Assistant

 

I stood frozen with fear for more than an hour, staring into the snake's deathly cold eyes, waiting for it to strike.

Finally, with the light of the strong morning sun shining through the canvas of the tent, the sleeping shape in the hammock shifted, yawned, sat up, and glanced around.

It was the snake-boy, and he looked shocked when he saw me. He immediately rocked back in the hammock and raised the covers, as though to protect himself. Then he saw the snake wrapped around me and breathed easily.

"Who are you?"he asked sharply. "What are you doing here?"

I shook my head slowly. I didn't dare speak for fear that the movement of my lungs would cause the snake to strike.

"You'd better answer,"he warned, "or I'll tell her to take your eyes out."

"I... I... I'm Duh-Darren Sh-sh-Shan,"I stuttered. "Mr. Tuh-Tall told me to cuh-come in. He said I wuh-wuh-was supposed to be your new ruh-ruh-ruh-roommate."

"Darren Shan?"The snake-boy frowned, then pointed knowingly. "You're Mr. Crepsley's assistant, aren't you?"

"Yes,"I said quietly.

The snake-boy grinned. "Did he know Mr. Tall was putting you in with me?"I nodded and he laughed. "I've never met a vampire without a nasty sense of humor."

He swung down out of the hammock, crossed the tent, took hold of the snake's head, and began unwrapping it. "You're okay,"he assured me. "In fact, you were never in danger. The snake's been asleep the whole time. You could have tugged her off and she wouldn't have stirred. She's a deep sleeper."

"She's asleep ?"I squeaked. "But... how come she wrapped herself around me?"

He smiled. "She sleepcrawls."

"Sleepcrawls !"I stared at him, then at the snake, which hadn't moved while he was unwinding her. The last of her coils came free and I could step away to one side. My legs were stiff and full of pins and needles.

"A sleepcrawling snake."I laughed uneasily. "Thank God she's not a sleepeating snake!"

The snake-boy tucked his pet away in a corner and stroked her head lovingly. "She wouldn't have eaten you even if she had woken up,"he informed me. "She ate a goat yesterday. Snakes her size don't have to eat very often."

Leaving his snake, he threw back the tent flap and stepped out. I followed quickly, not wanting to be left alone with the reptile.

I studied him closely outside. He was exactly as I remembered: a few years older than me and very thin, with long yellow-green hair, narrow eyes, and strangely webbed fingers and toes; his body was covered in green, gold, yellow, and blue scales. He was wearing a pair of shorts and nothing else.

"By the way,"he said, "my name's Evra Von."He held out a hand and we shook. His palm felt slippery, but dry. A few of the scales came off and stuck to my hand when I pulled it away. They were like scraps of colored dead skin.

"Evra Von what?"I asked.

"Just plain Von,"he said, rubbing his stomach. "You hungry?"

"Yes,"I said, and went with Evra to get something to eat.

The camp was alive with activity. Since there had been no show the night before, most of the freaks and their helpers had gone to bed early, and so now they were up and about earlier than usual.

I was fascinated by the hustle and bustle. I hadn't realized there were so many people working for the Cirque. I'd thought it would just be the performers and assistants I'd seen the night I went to the show with Steve, but as I looked around I saw that those were just the tip of the iceberg. There were at least two dozen people walking or talking, washing or cooking, none of whom I'd seen before.

"Who are all these?"I asked.

"The backbone of the Cirque Du Freak,"Evra replied. "They do the driving, set up the tents, do the laundry and the cooking, fix our costumes, clean up after shows. It's a big operation."

"Are they normal humans?"I asked.

"Most of them,"he said.

"How did they come to work here?"

"Some are related to the performers. Some are friends of Mr. Tall. Some just wandered in, liked what they saw, and stayed."

"People can do that?"I asked.

"If Mr. Tall likes the look of them,"Evra said. "There are always openings at the Cirque Du Freak."

Evra stopped at a large campfire, and I stopped beside him. Hans Hands (a man who could walk on his hands and run faster on them than the world's fastest sprinter) was resting on a log, while Truska (the bearded lady, who grew her beard whenever she wanted) cooked sausages on a wooden stick. Several humans were sitting or lying around.

"Good morning, Evra Von,"Hans Hands said.

"How are you, Hans?"Evra replied.

"Who's your young friend?"Hans asked, eyeing me suspiciously.

"This is Darren Shan,"Evra said.

"The Darren Shan?"Hans asked, eyebrows raising.

"None other."Evra grinned.

"What do you mean, The Darren Shan'?"I asked.

"You're famous in these parts,"Hans said.

"Why? Because I'm a"- I lowered my voice - "half-vampire?"

Hans laughed pleasantly. "Half-vampires are nothing new. If I had a silver dollar for every half-vampire I'd seen, I'd have..."He scrunched up his face and thought. "Twenty-nine silver dollars. But young half-vampires are a different story. I never saw or heard of a guy your age living it up among the ranks of the walking dead. Tell me: Have the Vampire Generals been around to inspect you yet?"

"Who are the Vampire Generals?"I asked.

"They're -"

"Hans!"a lady washing clothes barked. He stopped speaking and looked around guiltily. "Do you think Larten would enjoy hearing you spreading tales?"she snapped.

Hans made a face. "Sorry,"he said. "It's the morning air. I'm not used to it. It makes me say things I shouldn't."

I wanted him to explain about the Vampire Generals, but I guess it would have been impolite to ask.

Truska checked the sausages, pulled a couple off the stick, and handed them out. She smiled when she came to me, and said something in a strange, foreign language.

Evra laughed. "She wants to know if you like sausages or if you're a vegetarian."

"That's a good one!"Hans chuckled. "A vampire vegetarian!"

"You speak her language?"I asked Evra.

"Yes,"he said proudly. "I'm still learning - it's the hardest language I've ever tried to learn - but I'm the only one in the camp who knows what she's saying. I'm excellent at languages,"he bragged.

"What language is it?"I asked.

"I don't know,"he said, frowning. "She won't tell me."

That sounded weird, but I didn't want to say anything to offend him. Instead, I took one of the sausages and smiled thanks. I bit into it and had to drop it immediately; it was piping hot! Evra laughed and handed me a glass of water. I drank until my mouth was back to normal, then blew on the sausage to cool it down.

We sat with Hans and Truska and the others for a while, chatting and eating and soaking up the morning sun. The grass was wet with dew, but none of us minded. Evra introduced me to everyone in the group. There were too many names for me to remember at once, so I just smiled and shook hands.

Mr. Tall soon appeared. One minute he wasn't there, the next he was standing behind Evra, warming his hands over the fire.

"You're up early, Master Shan,"Mr. Tall remarked.

"I couldn't sleep,"I told him. "I was too - "I looked over at Evra and smiled "- wound-up."

"I hope it will not affect your ability to work,"Mr. Tall said.

"I'll be fine,"I said. "I'm ready to work."

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure."

"That's what I like to hear."He pulled out a large notebook and flipped through the pages. "Let's see what we can find for you to do today,"he said. "Tell me: Are you a good cook?"

"I can cook stew. Mr. Crepsley taught me."

"Have you ever cooked for thirty or forty humans?"

"No."

"Too bad. Maybe you'll learn."He flipped through another couple of pages. "Can you sew?"

"No."

"Have you washed clothes before?"

"By hand?"

"Yes."

"No."

"Hmmm."He flipped some more, then snapped the book shut. "Okay,"he said, "until we find a more permanent position for you, stick with Evra and help him with his chores. Does that sound fair?"

"I'd like that,"I said.

"You don't mind, Evra?"he asked the snake-boy.

"Not at all,"Evra replied.

"Very well. It's settled. Evra will be in charge of you until further notice. Do what he says. When your colleague-in-blood arises,"- he meant Mr. Crepsley - "you're free to spend the night with him if he so desires. We'll see how you do, then make a decision on how best to utilize your talents."

"Thank you,"I said.

"My pleasure,"he replied.

I expected him to suddenly vanish then, but instead he turned and walked away slowly, whistling, enjoying the sunshine.

"Well, Darren,"Evra said, sticking a scaly arm around my shoulders, "looks like you and I are partners now. How do you feel about that?"

"I feel good... partner."

"Cool!"He slapped my shoulder and gulped down the last of his sausage. "Then let's get going."

"What do we do first?"I asked.

"What we'll be doing first every morning,"Evra said. "Milking the poison from the fangs of my snake."

"Oh,"I said. "Is it dangerous?"

"Only if she bites before we finish,"Evra said, then laughed at my expression and pushed me ahead of him to the tent.