The Understorey

“‘kay.”

“Okay, I’m staring at your lips and that makes me feel a need to kiss you.”

I had an overwhelming want to press my lips to hers and involuntarily leaned forward but she backed away.

“No, no. Try not to share the feeling.” She laughed. “I know it’s hard but just try to figure out the way it tastes and feels first. Here, let me try an easier one.”

She placed her hand back onto my throat and closed her eyes.

“Okay, I’m thinking about my little art studio at the house and that makes me feel....”

“Happy,” I said. “You’re feeling very happy and inspired.”

“Right! What did it taste like?

“Like chocolate and wine?”

We both laughed.

“Is that what it tastes like to you?” I asked.

“No, your happiness tastes like pumpkin pie.” She smiled.

“This is so weird. I don’t even know how I know that it was happiness. I went with my instincts.”

“Okay, let’s try another.”

Just then Taylor Williams, who shared first period with Jules, walked past us with a look of disgust on her face before going into the classroom.

“You’re feeling smug........with a twinge of guilt?” I said, almost laughing.

Jules let her hand drop to her side and her cheeks burned a bright red.

“That was embarrassing.”

“Oh Jules, don’t be silly. It was a gut reaction and you immediately corrected yourself. I felt it. Now, let’s do another.”

I picked up her hand and placed it back around my throat.

“I like this game,” I said.

She smiled, stared at me for a moment, then let her hand slide to the back of my neck.

“Okay, now I’m thinking....”

She pulled her hand away at lightning speed.

“Wait,” I said, confused. “What was that?”

She turned her head away and clenched her hands into fists. I pushed her back into the tiled wall and pinned both of my arms beside her to keep her from fleeing.

“You know,” she said, breathing deeply, “I think that’s enough for one day. You’ve been an excellent student. The bell is about to ring. See you next period.”

She ducked underneath my arm, too quick to catch. I waved at her inside the classroom and went to History with Coach Miles. It was a game day and he usually just played a movie. I loved that because it was going to give me time to think about the emotion Jules was trying to hide from me. I was still racking my brain trying to figure it out when I sat at my desk next to Jesse.

“Hey,” I said, distracted.

“Hey,” he said sarcastically. “Care to explain why your arm was around Julia Jacobs back there in the hallway?”

“Huh?”

He crossed his arms smugly around his torso.

“Please tell me she’s nothing more than a tiny distraction right now, a bug to get out of your system.”

“What? Why would you say that? Do I look like the ‘tiny distraction’ type to you? Where in my past behavior have I ever given you reason to think that about me?”

“I don’t know Gray. I guess I’m just hoping is all. You have no idea what you’re doing do you? I mean, jeez Gray! She’s freakin’ Julia Jacobs. She should be a stepping stone on your way to Taylor Williams.”

My blood was beginning to boil.

“Jesse, I find it so hilarious that you’re suddenly so interested in my dating. It’s also fascinating that you are equally as interested in who I date. Your opinions are comical because, last time I checked, you aren’t even this picky for yourself. Why are you so hell bent on my dating Taylor Williams anyway? If you like her so much why don’t you date her?:”

“She’s too yippy for me,” he amended and waved me off.

“Oh, and I enjoy yippy so much, right? Give me a break. I’ve never said a word about the girls you date and I’d appreciate the same courtesy dude.”

“Fine,” he said through clenched teeth. “You’ll see though. It won’t last.”

“Yeah, yeah. So, are you excited about the game tonight?” I asked, desperate to change the subject.

The fuming seemed to subside and he leaned back in his desk.

“Yeah, coach said he won’t be putting Farley in after all. Can you believe it? Doc says his knee doesn’t look one hundred percent. Farley said he could play with no problem but coach doesn’t want to risk it the first game.”

Whew, I thought, barely listening. So annoying. Too bad he’s so loyal.  

Coach started the movie and Jesse finally shut his blubber mouth. I wrapped my ankles around the legs of my desk and tipped my chair back. I wrapped my fingers around the back of my head and stared at the ceiling, just thinking. What in the world was that? She was so quick to pull away. Let’s see. I definitely felt distraction. Then she slid her hand to the back of my neck. That was awesome. Must have her do that again. It was a warm feeling that turned blazing hot. Tasted like what I would think my mom’s Egyptian Cotton candle would taste like. If I didn’t know any better I..........I let my chair fall hard back to the ground in sudden realization. I swallowed hard. She loves me. She’s in love with me. I haven’t even taken her on a proper date yet! Haven’t even kissed her! Yet, she loves me!

My breath trapped in my throat and I almost began to hyperventilate. I planted my hands on the desk in front of me to anchor myself from falling over from the sheer shock of it. Shock. Shock and happiness? Why doesn’t this scare me? Shouldn’t I feel like running the opposite direction from her or something? I mean, yeah, so I’ve known her my whole life and all but do I really know know her? I thought about it for a moment. Yes, I do.

She’s the Julia Jacobs who forced me to suffer my mother’s wrath by arriving late to dinner one summer night of our fifth grade year because I had to help her rescue the feral kittens underneath Mr. Westburg’s wood porch. She’s the Julia Jacobs who helped me fix the flat in my bike’s tire so I wouldn’t get in trouble for riding near the construction site I was forbidden to go near off Main. She’s the Julia Jacobs who used to sing ‘American Pie’ at the top of her lungs with me at the pool in seventh grade and made me laugh so hard grape soda went up my nose. She’s the Julia Jacobs who would weave fantastic tales of adventure over a gleaming flashlight when we used to camp by the creek.

That girl was colorfully, gorgeously, brilliantly, and astonishingly in love with me. I felt it. That’s exactly what it was. The taste of it was remarkably similar to greatness. No, it beat greatness, to a bloody pulp. My heart inflated like a balloon, doubling, tripling in size with each beat when she revealed it to me, like a massive kick drum. Thump, thump, thump. It sang to me and was the sweetest melody that had ever touched my ears. It was beyond words, impossible to put into words. It was something that needed to be touched, heard, smelled, tasted to grasp its full meaning and I knew. I knew that it was mine only. It was a flavor only I could taste and smell, a feeling only my fingers could touch, and a song only I was meant to hear.

Unexpectedly, a choir of angels sounded. It dawned on me. It was a feeling I sincerely shared. She probably knew it too. I know she must have felt it as well. Now that I knew what the love she held for me tasted like it was suddenly easy to recognize my own distinct flavor I had for her and boy was it ever the dominant current. I had sent it streaming through my fingers to hers every single time I’d touched her. She must have gotten a private kick out of my revealing more than I had intended. I was a fool, an unbelievably happy fool.

“Hey Jules,” I said calmly, when I finally sat next to her in English.

I couldn’t let her touch me or look into my eyes or I’d give it away. I suppressed the feeling as much as possible so she couldn’t read any radiations of it either.

“Hi darlin’.”

She tried to act as casual as possible but even without our gift I could see through her cool facade.

“Hey Jules?” I said seriously, turning my body toward hers, resting my elbows on the desk and chair.

“Yes Elliott?” She said, her head buried in ‘Nineteen Eighty-Four’.

“I think I figured it out,” I said, and paused for a really long time, letting her sweat it out.

She kept her nose buried but her eyes began to look for mine. She was worried.

“Hmm?” Her voice cracked, her eyes resettling on the wrong page.

“I said, I think I figured out the theme I am going to write about for Mrs. Kitt’s book report due next month.”

“Oh,” she swallowed hard. “I think I’ve got a theme too. What are you going to write about?”

“Oh no. I can’t say. I wouldn’t feel right showing it to you. It’s too soon to reveal such intimate things to one another. Don’t you think?”

“Okay?” She said, furrowing her eyebrows. “You don’t have to. I guess.”

She raised her beautiful nose from George Orwell and turned her body toward mine.

“Why are you acting so weird?” She asked, suspicious.

Mrs. Kitt saved me from revealing too much when she began class.

As we walked to lunch, I grabbed Jules’ hand and revealed a little secret of my own but didn’t let on that I knew that she knew.

“What do you say I take you on a proper date tomorrow Jules?”

“Sh, sure babe.”

She swallowed hard from the reveal, but kept her mouth shut.

“Where?” She asked.

“I was thinking the Kanawha Library in Charleston to work on our paper and if it’s not too late maybe dinner?”

“That sounds perfect actually.”

“It’s a date then.”

The rest of the school day was pretty much a waiting game until I saw her again. I had come up with a plan to get her to come to the game. In French, I tore a sheet of paper out of my notepad, wrote ‘If you loved me, you’ll be there tonight’ and folded it into quarters. I wasn’t sure if she’d get it but I had never hoped for something so much.

After school, I met her at her locker and while she piled books into her bag I snuck the note in its front pocket. When she seemed to have gotten everything she needed, I grabbed her velvety hand and we walked side by side, laughing and joking ignoring every prying eye that shot our direction. I opened the double doors that led to the parking lot and I noticed from the corner of my eye an out of place group that lingered near Taylor Williams’ car. Taylor Williams, Marisa Hartford, and Jesse Thomas. All three were gathered around Taylor’s open driver’s side door talking and laughing. At first, I thought it might be nothing but when we passed by and I waved at Jesse each became quiet and went their separate ways. Jesse nodded his hello.

“That was weird,” Jules said.

“Hmm,” was all I could reply, narrowing my stare on Jesse.

I drove Jules home and walked her to her door before hugging her goodbye. It wasn’t a little hug either. It was a big bear of a hug. I squeezed the air from her lungs and lifted her feet from the porch. I left her as breathless as if I had kissed her. I got into my truck and turned the key, hoping she would check her bag before seven o’clock because that’s when the game started. I drove away with her standing bewildered at the door, staring in my direction, her keys still in hand and her hair mussed about her face.