The True Meaning of Smekday (Smek 1)

Shh “Yes! Whento you clone—no, Pig, no biting—when you clone the complicated things, there are flaws. Errors. And if you clone a clone, it only gets worse. A clone of a clone of a clone, much worse.”

We reached the base of a ladder and the smallest boys started up first. And let me tell you, being chased by thousand-pound aliens with guns did not improve their climbing any.

Chh “All of the Gorg are now clones of clones, or clones of clones of clones. Some are even clones of clones of clones of clones! This is why they can get sick! And they cannot clone food too much, or it turns into poison!”

For a moment it seemed like Christian and I were going to have a contest to see who could be last to go up the ladder, until finally I just grabbed him by the arm and shoved him up.

“J.Lo?”

Chh “Yes.”

“I’m coming back. What was that last part you said?”

Chhhk “Cloning food turns it—down, Pig!—to poison.”

I began to climb, sweating and wheezing, and at that point I really should have put the walkie-talkie down.

“Wait,” I said. “We’ve been…eating nothing but milk shake for six months, and it’s…it’s poison?”

“Chukk No no. Simple—stop that, kitten—simple sloppy cloning works fine. Evens teleporting works fine. But complicated cloning, not so good I said stop, kitten!”

That was it. That was why the Gorg pillaged planets for food. That was why they didn’t just overrun them with clones.

Of course, my planet still had more Gorg than was healthy. Two of them turned the corner and began to fire, and I was still on the ladder. I threw the walkie-talkie up through the hatch and scrambled up as fire burned all around me. I wasn’t even hit but I still cried out in pain. My left leg was charred and bleeding. My shoulder felt wet and hot against my shirt as the boys pulled me through the trapdoor. I kicked it shut and threw asprin until it was buried under snow.

Now I heard meowing. A lot of meowing. A cat chorus. It was getting light out, and I turned to see hundreds of cats milling around, sniffing each other. And every one of them was Pig. Hundreds of heads turned. Two thousand eyes watched me.

“Hi, Pigs,” I said.

“Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow 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meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow,” said the Pigs.