The True Meaning of Smekday (Smek 1)

No one answered, but all eyes turned to Vicki Lightbody. She picked at a hangnail and didn’t meet our gaze, but I understood. She mumbled something about checking on Andromeda, and left the museum.

I sighed. “Can anyone help him?”

“Just need a bag of ice,” said the Chief. “Got any ice?”

“I don’t know, Chief,” said Kat. “I don’t think anyone has ice.”

“Go outside,” he said. “Get some snow.”

Everyone exchanged worried looks.

“And whiskey,” the Chief added. “Ask one of the pilots.”

“Can anybody help him?” I asked again.

“I can,” said Trey. “My ex-girlfriend was a nursing student.”

“That doesn’t really count, Trey.”

“Can any of you do better?” he snapped. “I used to quiz her before tests, and before the big exam. I’m practically a nurse myself.”

The Chief looked up at my face.

“Always said you were the prettiest nurse,” he creaked. “Don’t care what the other boys think.”

I wiped at my wet eyes with the heel of my hand.

“Don’t tell anyone I said,” he added. “Gota girl back home.”

“Chief,” said Kat, and the Chief blinked his eyes a couple times. He looked around at the other faces.

“Chief,” said Kat, “do you know what year it is?”

He didn’t answer.

“What’s the president’s name?” Beardo said. “The last one.”

“Roosevelt,” said the Chief. Beardo frowned.

“Roosevelt was the last real president,” the Chief said. “Every one since has been a jackass.”

When it became clear that Trey really did know what he was doing, I relaxed a little. Beardo and I walked out to the street.

“We all have to get out of Roswell as soon as possible,” he said. “It’s getting dangerous. Those…Gorg?…were flying around all afternoon, shooting at cats. You’d better keep a close eye on yours.”

“What, were they eating them?” I asked. “I thought they liked cats.”

“I think they just like shooting them. I mean, after those guns erase them, there’s nothing to eat.”

“Erase them?”

“Yeah,” said Beardo, looking up at the stars. “You’ve seen how those guns work, right? No noise, but they make stuff disappear? Kat thinks they emit antimatter particles. I don’t know.”

“But those erasing guns are the kind the Boov use,” I said. “Gorg like loud noises and explosions and stuff.”

Beardo looked at me hard for a moment. “Where’s JayJay?”

“Still at the Chief’s place. I’m going to go back for him now.”

“You know,” said Beardo, “Kat is convinced your brother’s a Boov under that sheet. She hasn’t figured out what you are yet.”

I paused too long before answering.

“That’s ridiculous. Why would my brother be a Boov? It’s impossible. That Kat should have her head—”

“I don’t care,” said Beardo. “Just go get your brother and stay close to me after that. Kat’s pretty worked up about it.”

That was that. J.Lo and I had to leave right away.

“What’s your name?” I said. “I never asked.”

“David.”

“Okay,” I said, and took off toward Slushious. I opened the door and pushed the car around until it was pointed at the Chief’s house again. I noticed that Pig wasn’t inside the car anymore. Had I left a window open? No—they were cracked but not open. Maybe she’d slipped out in all the confusion surrounding the Chief. Maybe J.Lo had her.

“J.Lo!” I hissed.

The headlights hadn’t worked for a couple days, but the parking lights still did. I flashed them on and off and on, and that’s when I saw someone in the dull orange glow.

It was Vicki Lightbody, and she was holding Pig.

“Oh. You found her,” I said, trying to be civil. But then I got a good look at her, hunched over Pig like a blond goblin, hands tight around the scruff of her neck. You could see in her eyes she was having a full-on crazy.

“I found your little J.Lo all right,” said Mrs. Lightbody. “And we’re all lucky I did! She’s a cat! You still have a cat!”

Sometimes you really want to say “Duh,” but you can’t. It’s a part of growing up, I guess.

“Why don’t you let me take her,” I said. “I’m sorry she got out—”

“Oh, no. No one’s taking little J.Lo except the aliens. Do you know what could have happened to us if they knew we were harboring a cat after sundown? Do you? I don’t think you do.”

Pig began to yowl. Mrs. Lightbody was hurting her. I looked in every direction, hoping to see David, maybe, terrified I’d see lights in the sky or hear the whir of one of those cat hunters.

“This is just what I’d expect from little Grace. I know all about you. You’ve fooled the others, maybe, but Iseeright throughyou.”

What she didn’t see was J.Lo creeping up behind her. He’d found a new sheet, and was in ghost costume again. I was trying to think how I might signal him to crouch behind Mrs. Lightbody while I gave her a push. I’d seen it done once in a Marx Brothers movie and had always wanted to try it out. But my mind went blank when J.Lo pulled off his sheet and retracted his helmet. He had no costume, and all Vicki Lightbody had to do was turn around.

He said, “Excuse me.” She turned around.

I was only a little pleased to hear her shriek at the sight of a Boov so close. But I couldn’t imagine what he thought he was doing.

“Good evening,” said J.Lo. “I am Chief Animals Control Officer Cher. I understands you have a cat for us.”

Vicki was frozen in place. Pig made a sound like an electric toothbrush.

“How…how did you know to come?” Vicki asked.

“Powerful telescopes.”

“Oh. Uh-huh.” Mrs. Lightbody nodded.

“Put now the cat in the bag, please,” J.Lo said, holding his sheet out in front of him. Mrs. Lightbody did as she was told.

“It was this girl that was keeping it.” she said, “I was going to bring it to you!”

Pig scrambled around a bit, but went limp as J.Lo drew the sheet tight.

“We know. You have our thanks. For your good service you will receive prizes. Flowers! And an expensive hat.”