The Silent Waters

My eyes darted to his shaky hand and when I looked back at his eyes the hope he once held was swallowed whole by confusion and worry.

“Maggie?” he whispered, extending his hand more.

I stepped backward, and hit the end table in the foyer, shaking my head back and forth.

“Come on, Maggie. We have to get going,” he said.

I knocked on the table once. No.

What was wrong with me? I was too old to be so afraid. I was too old to be broken. I saw it in Daddy’s eyes, something he spent years trying to hide from me—his exhaustion. His hairs were almost all gray, the bags beneath his eyes were deep, and his smile resembled a frown all the time. When had he stopped smiling fully? He was tired. Tired of worrying. Tired of waiting. Tired of me.

His heavy stare grew grim. “No…” He ran his fingers through his hair. “No. Don’t do this. Please.”

My throat tightened and I felt the devil’s fingers wrapping around me again. He was cutting off my air supply. He suffocated me. My fingers wrapped around my neck, and I gasped for help. Mama studied my movements and raised an eyebrow, watching my panic, seeing my shadows of the past start to emerge. She and Daddy started talking—shouting. They began shouting again. Their lips were moving in a hurried fashion, but I couldn’t comprehend what they were saying, because the devil was loud in my ear, drowning me once again. My hands slammed against my ears, and I shut my eyes tightly. Go away, go away, go away…

“Leave it alone, Eric!” Mama finally screamed, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. I couldn’t remember the last time she held me in a protective manner. “She doesn’t have to leave. Leave it alone.”

Daddy’s eyebrows dropped, and he took off his glasses, rubbing the palms of his hands against his eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pressure you. I just thought…” He released a weighted sigh. “I don’t know what I thought.” As he left, he closed the front door behind him, and I closed my eyes, hearing his footsteps grow farther and farther away.

A terrifying realization flashed before my eyes: I’d never be able to leave those four walls.

When did it happen?

When did my safe haven turn into my own personal hell?

Mrs. Boone was alone, she wasn’t waking up, and I wasn’t strong enough to go see her. I fell apart in my bedroom. That night I sat on my floor and I did the only thing I knew could make everything better.

I called him.

“Maggie?” Brooks yawned. I hadn’t thought about what time it was in Europe; it was almost eight in the evening at my house, so it had to be pretty late for him. “What’s up? What’s going on?”

My lips parted and I began crying into my hand. I cried for how lost I felt, and how the sound of his voice was so quick to remind me of home.

“Okay,” he whispered, unsure of what was happening, but positive that I needed him. “I’ll be there.”

He was back in town thirteen hours later, and he didn’t come alone; the whole band came back with him. Brooks didn’t come to my house, though, and I wasn’t certain why. I wasn’t sure what hurt more—knowing he was so close, or still feeling as if he was so far away. Rudolph, Oliver, and Calvin came straight to my room and sat with me the whole time, though. They hadn’t left my side since they’d landed in town.

“We’re a team, ya know, Maggie? And if it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t be where we are today,” Rudolph said, sitting on the edge of my bed.

“When Brooks said he was leaving, it was pretty much impossible to stop him. Plus, The Crooks are a unit. We couldn’t perform without him. Plus, plus, family first, right?” Oliver said.

“We’re always here for you, sis, even if we’re over there. I mean, I’m pretty sure management is going to disown us for a while, but I’m not too worried.” Calvin smiled and nudged me in the arm.

We sat there quietly. They didn’t even know that their silence was helping me breathe easier.

“He still loves you,” Calvin told me. “You know that, right?”

I shrugged. I’d hoped that was true for a long time, but based on his Twitter posts and the way his fans hung all over him, I wasn’t certain if love was enough. The saddest fact in the world was that you could meet a person who changed your life forever, and they weren’t the one you ended up with. The people who taught you to love weren’t always the ones who stayed.

Why isn’t he here?

Calvin read my words. “After we spoke to Dad and he told us what was happening, Brooks knew where you needed him most. When we got to the airport, he had a taxi take him directly to the hospital to be with Mrs. Boone.”

My hand covered my mouth, and in that moment I loved him more than I ever had in my life. It was amazing to me how he could make me fall more in love with him without being anywhere near me.

I love him.

Calvin nodded. “I know. If there are any two people worthy of being in love, it’s you two. I just wish life would stop getting in your way.”

I closed my eyes and lay backward on my bed with my feet hanging off the edge, and Calvin lay beside me. The twins went to the floor to lie down, and Rudolph played music on his phone. We stayed silent, letting the music take us over as we waited for Brooks to find his way home to me.

I’d been sitting in the same chair, in the same room, for the past twelve hours staring at Mrs. Boone, tubes running through her, the IVs pumping fluids into her system. Her body was bruised all over, but she wasn’t broken. I couldn’t imagine what she had gone through being alone, driving, and crashing. What thoughts had raced through her mind? What kinds of things did a person experience when going through that kind of panic? Had she thought of her loved ones? Had she forgotten all things within that moment? Had she been so lost in the moment that memories were hard to grasp?

“I’m sorry, Mr. Griffin, visiting hours are up,” a young nurse said as she stepped into the room. “And I know this might sound super inappropriate, but do you think maybe I could get a picture with you?” she asked, her voice filled with hope.

Before I could reply, another nurse, Sarah, stepped into the room. “You’re right, Paula. That is super inappropriate. I’m glad you noticed how inappropriate it was and decided to leave the room.” Without another word, an embarrassed Paula left the room.