The Scarlet Letter

After awhile, the minister fixed his eyes on Hester Prynne's.

"Hester," said he, "hast thou found peace?"

She smiled drearily, looking down upon her bosom.

"Hast thou?" she asked.

"None--nothing but despair!" he answered. "What else could I

look for, being what I am, and leading such a life as mine? Were

I an atheist--a man devoid of conscience--a wretch with coarse

and brutal instincts--I might have found peace long ere now.

Nay, I never should have lost it. But, as matters stand with my

soul, whatever of good capacity there originally was in me, all

of God's gifts that were the choicest have become the ministers

of spiritual torment. Hester, I am most miserable!"

"The people reverence thee," said Hester. "And surely thou

workest good among them! Doth this bring thee no comfort?"

"More misery, Hester!--Only the more misery!" answered the

clergyman with a bitter smile. "As concerns the good which I may

appear to do, I have no faith in it. It must needs be a

delusion. What can a ruined soul like mine effect towards the

redemption of other souls?--or a polluted soul towards their

purification? And as for the people's reverence, would that it

were turned to scorn and hatred! Canst thou deem it, Hester, a

consolation that I must stand up in my pulpit, and meet so many

eyes turned upward to my face, as if the light of heaven were

beaming from it!--must see my flock hungry for the truth, and

listening to my words as if a tongue of Pentecost were

speaking!--and then look inward, and discern the black reality

of what they idolise? I have laughed, in bitterness and agony of

heart, at the contrast between what I seem and what I am! And

Satan laughs at it!"

"You wrong yourself in this," said Hester gently. "You have

deeply and sorely repented. Your sin is left behind you in the

days long past. Your present life is not less holy, in very

truth, than it seems in people's eyes. Is there no reality in

the penitence thus sealed and witnessed by good works? And

wherefore should it not bring you peace?"

"No, Hester--no!" replied the clergyman. "There is no substance

in it! It is cold and dead, and can do nothing for me! Of

penance, I have had enough! Of penitence, there has been none!

Else, I should long ago have thrown off these garments of mock

holiness, and have shown myself to mankind as they will see me

at the judgment-seat. Happy are you, Hester, that wear the

scarlet letter openly upon your bosom! Mine burns in secret!

Thou little knowest what a relief it is, after the torment of a

seven years' cheat, to look into an eye that recognises me for

what I am! Had I one friend--or were it my worst enemy!--to

whom, when sickened with the praises of all other men, I could

daily betake myself, and be known as the vilest of all sinners,

methinks my soul might keep itself alive thereby. Even thus much

of truth would save me! But now, it is all falsehood!--all

emptiness!--all death!"