The Savage Grace
Page 56“I didn’t say it was likely, but it’s still possible.” Daniel looked out at the parish. “I don’t know, maybe it sounds stupid, but I guess I believe that everyone is capable of changing. It doesn’t mean they will. Nobody can be saved if they don’t want to be.”
“So what about Jude? Do you think he wants to change?”
“There’s only one way to find out.”
I took a deep breath, knowing I couldn’t put it off any longer. “I just hope he’ll even let me speak to him, let alone listen.”
“He’ll listen, Grace. That’s what’s so special about you. Not only can you make people better—like the way you healed your parents—but you make people want to be better. Just remember that what he’s going through is a lot different for him than it is for you.”
“What do you mean?”
“The wolf—the voice you hear, trying to manipulate you—is a hundred times stronger after you’ve already given in to it. It’s always there. Fighting it is a constant decision. Coming home, trying to beat the wolf, trying to make things right with the people I hurt the most were the hardest things I’ve ever done. The wolf was screaming in my head that I could never be forgiven. I don’t doubt Jude is getting a similar treatment.”
Daniel’s words sank into my heart. I don’t think I had realized just how much of a battle he had gone through when trying to overcome the wolf’s hold on him. The battle that Jude was going through now.
“You just need to remind him that he is loved. That he can be forgiven. You’re pretty good at that.”
I felt a lift in my confidence, remembering what I’d done for Daniel once. And what I’d done for Mom and Dad. The kind of power I’d wielded in my own two hands today. It made me feel like a different person now than the one who’d tried to talk to Jude the first time only two days ago.
INSIDE THE PARISH
Our footfalls echoed through the empty stairwell as we made our way down to the parish’s basement. Jude no doubt heard our approach. He stood at the gate of the storage cage when we entered the room.
“What are you doing here?” he snarled at me. “I told you not to come back here.…” His eyes narrowed in on Daniel. He took a sudden step back from the gate. “What is he doing here? Why would you bring him?”
“Hello, Jude,” Daniel said.
Jude bared his teeth. “So the prodigal son returns—again. Did they have a feast for you? Did someone kill a freaking fatted calf in your honor? Because all I got was this damn cage.” Jude grabbed the bars of his cell and rattled the gate.
I glanced at his eyes. They were hard and fierce, like a wolf about to attack. I dropped my gaze.
You shouldn’t have come, the demon in my head snarled. You only make things worse.
“You and I both know you could leave that cage anytime you want,” Daniel said. “I think you stay here because you want to. Because it’s easier to be in there than with the ones who love you.”
Jude let go of the bars. “You know nothing about me.”
“Shut up! You don’t know anything. You can go to hell!” Jude spat in Daniel’s direction.
“Jude, please,” I said, trying to calm him down.
“I have nothing to say to you, Grace. I told you I never wanted to see you again.”
“Jude, I’m sorry I accused you of killing that nurse. I can’t believe I did that. It was a horrible thing to do. But I realized that that was my first instinct because I was still so angry with you. I didn’t know what to believe.” I approached the gate, gripping the bars with my hands. I looked my brother right in his silver, glinting eyes. “But I’m telling you now, I forgive you.”
Jude blinked. When his eyes flitted open, I saw what I needed to see. Just the slightest flash of violet as his eyes softened briefly … before they went hard, glinting, silver, and twisted again. Something human still lived and breathed inside my brother. Jude was still there, and he needed to hear what I’d said—even if the demon inside of him would try to refuse it now.
But I was prepared for the fight.
“You forgive me?!” Jude roared. “You. Forgive. Me?” The hinges of the cage squealed in protest as he pulled on the bars. The whole gate would come crashing down if he wanted it to. I was tempted to step back, but I held my ground.
“So do I,” Daniel said, stepping forward next to me.
“How dare you?” Jude asked. “You’re the ones who should be begging me for forgiveness. You’re the ones who did this to me!”
“That will never happen,” Jude said, but his grip on the bars loosened.
“You’re right, Jude,” I said softly. He looked at me, almost surprised I’d agree with anything he had to say.
“I should beg you for forgiveness. But before I can expect to be forgiven, I need to forgive. So I’m telling you now, again, so you’ll know without a doubt.” I stepped as close to the gate as I could get and leaned my forehead against the bars. “I forgive you.”
“Don’t say that! You have no right to say that! I’m not the one in the wrong. Everything I’ve done is your fault. You two are the ones who did this to me.” He roared and lunged at me as I stood in front of the gate. He grabbed my throat with one of his sinewy hands. “You shouldn’t have come back here.”
“Jude, let go,” Daniel said, caution in his tone. “Don’t hurt her. Don’t go further down this path.”
“The path you started me on?” Jude’s fingernails dug into my skin as he started to squeeze my throat, cutting off my air.
“I’ve forgiven you,” I rasped out, with what little breath I had left. “Now … will you forgive me? Will you forgive yourself?”