The Rush

“Thank you,” I whispered against the biting wind. And meant it for so many more things than his promise.

The sun had dropped from its morning high point to the other side of the sky and I shivered against the temperature that had also dropped. Ryder pulled me closer and we sat in silence for a while until I pulled myself together. He helped me wipe my face clean of makeup and then stand to my feet.

“I need to get home,” I said through a throaty voice. “My mom is probably wondering where I am by now.”

“I don’t want to take you back there,” he growled in a primal, protective voice.

“It’s Ok, Ryder, I have to go at some point,” I tried to make my voice sound light and casual, but neither of us were convinced. “Besides, Nix is out of town right now. My mom is almost harmless when he’s not around.”

“Nix? The pimp-slash-conman?” Ryder snarled.

A laugh bubbled out before I could stop myself, “Yes, my pimp-slash-conman.”

“You’ll be alright?” he asked while he rubbed a hand up and down over my back.

“Mmm-hmmm, I’ll be alright.” And I would be.

“Then I agree to take you home,” he offered magnanimously. “But only if you text or call me the second you are not alright, Ok? For any reason, for anything. Real danger, or emotional or anything, Ivy. Promise me you’ll call.”

“I promise.” I closed my eyes and savored the moment before Ryder led me down from the roof and through the stairwell back to his car. I had never had anyone I could count on before. Even if I never used Ryder’s number as a distress call, his offer would mean more to me than he would ever know.

Finally, finally, he felt like the friend I kept convincing myself he was.

A real friend.

Chapter Thirty-One

I walked as quietly into the apartment as I could, trying not to make a single sound. But it was a wasted effort because she was waiting for me. Her posture was absolutely perfect, her arms crossed elegantly across her chest so that her freshly manicured nails lay undisturbed. Her brilliant red hair cascaded over her shoulders in loose waves and her slinky outfit clung to her like a glove. She was perfection except for the scowl twisting her face into sheer disappointment.

“Where have you been?” She hissed.

“Chase took me to breakfast this morning,” I mumbled. I needed to fess up about breaking it off with him, but not yet, not until I had anybody besides Ryder to use.

“You went to breakfast… looking like that?” She sneered openly at me. “You look like hell, Ivy! Have you been crying?”

“No, I, uh-“

“Spit it out,” she commanded in clipped tones. “And I swear, if this is about that Sam kid again, I

will call Nix this instant and make him come clean this up. I cannot handle this anymore.” Her voice was bordering on screeching and she was red in the face, this was so not behavior my rational thinking mother would condone.

“Mom, chill,” I broke in before she really got hysterical. “I broke up with Chase this morning. It’s not a big deal. I just felt bad. That’s all. This wasn’t about Sam.” Not entirely.

She paused at my interruption, sanity returned to her face and she visibly calmed down. “You broke up with him? I thought Nix gave you a timeline?”

“I had to, I didn’t want to drag things out and then….” I paused not wanting to use Sam as an excuse. It was on the tip of my tongue, the lie, the reason…. but it seriously made my stomach turn.

“Alright, Ivy, I get it,” she rolled her eyes at me. “We do not want a repeat of your meltdown.” She visibly shuddered, “Can you imagine how embarrassing that would be?”

“I can imagine,” I said on a bitter laugh.

“Enough of your sarcasm, Ivy. You need to get ready. We’re expected at Thalia’s in an hour and a half.” She started walking to the kitchen but paused to give me another once over. “Does that give you enough time to become presentable?”

“Yes,” I sighed. Thalia was Sloane’s mother and I was more than ready to spend some time with Sloane and Exie, especially after spilling my guts to Ryder. But an evening with the circle of women without Nix present, meant I had to be. This wasn’t a dinner party, this was a gossip session and my mother fully expected me to participate.

Bleh.

An hour later I was showered and beautified and ready to go. I hung out near the entry way, straightening the kitchen and wasting time while I waited for my mother to do…. whatever it was she needed to do before we left. She made a big deal about being there on time but if Nix wasn’t waiting on her, my mother was under the impression that she needed to make everybody wait on her.

Including me.

Finally she walked into the kitchen looking the same as when I left her. Her dress was made by a different designer, but basically the same style and her hair was maybe fluffed, but that was it. She gave me a scathing, calculated glance before I received the nod of approval. Ugh, and we were just going to dinner with other women!

A Towncar was waiting for us when we reached the ground floor, heaven forbid my mother drive. And then we were silent until we reached Sloane’s sprawling midtown home. I realized when the car stopped in front of Sloane’s house that Exie’s mother, Echo, hadn’t thrown a party in a while.

There was only a second to contemplate that before my own mother was rapping her knuckles against the black painted door and Thalia was welcoming us with her wide, fake smile and perfectly coiffed black hair.

“So happy you could finally join us,” Thalia cooed, referencing my mother’s inability to be on time.

“So are we,” my mother echoed without any enthusiasm. Technically we were all chained to the same destiny, working for Nix, but somehow my mother and I as sirens held a higher rank of respectability than Exie or Sloane’s family. It had something to do with our ability to bring in the cash.

Basically because we could be bigger sluts than them, we were worth more.

Disgusting, right?

“The girls are in the dining room, Ivy,” Thalia mentioned over her shoulder before she escorted my mother to the kitchen where a fresh cocktail would be waiting for her.

I left them without a word and worked my way to the dining room. I didn’t meet anyone on the way so I had to assume this was a small gather. Hopefully the party was contained to my mom and me, Exie’s family and Sloane’s family. All women, so it was bound to get catty after a while, but it was better than performing for middle-aged men and pretending I was interested the entire night.

Especially after talking to Ryder. There was this rebellious freedom pulsing through my veins tonight and I knew I couldn’t be trusted to perform.

He had lit something inside me, something that demanded to be set free. But the rational part of my brain warned that it was still too soon. That until my trust fund was available I still had a part to play.

“Well, hey there gorgeous,” Anaxandra called as I walked into the dining room. The long French vintage table, set to accommodate all of us, shined with polish and pretty cornflower blue patterned China.

“Hey,” I smiled. I held back my disappointment at seeing Anaxandra and Evaleen already seated with Exie and Sloane. I wanted a few minutes alone with them so I could tell them about Ryder, but now was obviously the wrong time. “So what is this? Dinner with the families?”

“The families”was what we called our inner circle, a reference to the mob. Not that we were the mob, although there were definite connections, but in this area of the country, my family, Exie’s and Sloane’s were the top of the pyramid.

“Organizational,” Evaleen confirmed.

“Strategic and logistical,” Sloane added, rolling her eyes.

“So we’ll be here for what, the next twelve hours? Hope your mom ordered lots of alcohol,” I groaned.

“Did Ava tell you nothing about this?” Evaleen asked suspiciously.

“We’re not on the best of terms right now.” I avoided their eyes and focused on finding the right chair…. far enough away from the adults that I could actually enjoy dinner without being obvious about ignoring my mother.

“Why not? What happened this time?” Anaxandra gasped. She was the one who taught me how valuable my mother was. Our mothers were our only allies in this world. Where a friend’s mother would only view me as competition for her own daughter, it behooved my mother for me to do well. Ava always treated me like royalty before Sam and my six month exile; I was her crowning jewel, her legacy. But now I was this dark cloud over her carefully plotted parade.

If I cared before, I didn’t now. Ava’s only motivation for treating me well before had been purely political and manipulative. Nothing she did for me was done out of something as simple as mother-daughter love. That thought was only laughable. And now that I knew the difference, now that I knew the truth, I didn’t miss her attention, or her affection.

“Who knows,” I sighed.

“How can you be so casual about this, Ivy?” Anaxandra snapped. “You need to fix whatever is broken and fast.”

“Ana, let her be,” Exie spoke up for the first time, tossing her golden curls over her shoulder. “Whatever’s going on with her mom is her business, not yours.”

“We look out for each other,” Anaxandra defended and I saw a spark of the old her flash brightly. “Ava will throw you to the wolves if you’re not careful,” her voice dropped to an earnest whisper and her eyes pleaded with me to take her seriously.

“She’s right, Ives,” Evaleen leaned forward with critical eyes. She dressed to kill tonight, which surprised me a little since this was just a girls’ night. Her chestnut hair was lifted off her neck in an intricate updo that piled on top of her head. One lone strand of long hair had slipped out and curved gracefully around the back of her neck. Her dark eyes were beseeching at the same time they were cunning and her perfect, rosebud lips were pressed into a frown. “You’re the firstborn, that means she has an entire other child to turn her attentions to if you screw up anymore.”

“Maybe in other families, but not so in mine,” I divulged. “Honor is in no way ever leaving Smith. He has her on complete lockdown.”

“How is that possible?” Anaxandra hissed.

“Plus, it doesn’t matter how Ava feels about Ivy,” Exie spoke up conspiratorially. “Nix wants her, so she’s safe.”

“Shut up!” Eva gasped. “Nix wants you? Like he wants to take you?”

I blushed a deep, revealing red and stared intently at the flower pattern on the ivory China. “Uh, yeah.”

“When?” Ana demanded.

“After I graduate,” I whispered.

There was silence at the table then as we all absorbed this information. A pain shot out from my chest and pierced every piece of me. I recognized the feeling as debilitating fear, the kind of fear you couldn’t pretend didn’t exist or ignore or runaway from. This fear reared up and made itself known, promised more and never, ever let go.

Tinkling, forced laughter came from the hallway and as if on cue we all sat up straighter and put hands to our hair to make sure it was in place. Our mothers entered the room as one unit, smiling and beaming at each other. Their cold gazes assessed us at the table like they were robots sharing the same brain. When they finally decided everything was as it should be they joined as at the table, sitting together at one end so they could continue their business.

Dinner was served as soon as they sat down. A hired team of caterers brought out cold soup and small bread platters that went untouched. I never understood why so much food was ordered for these events, when these women barely ate any of it. Even I knew better than to snatch a dinner roll even though I had been eyeing one for the last twenty minutes.

During soup the conversation was mostly lulled to topics like the weather for traveling, winter break destinations and new purchases. The salad course was next and discussion deepened to subjects like education beliefs and local elections, which was mostly important for how the courts ruled over Honor and my mother. The third course, prime rib cut into tiny little strips and served over a creamy risotto intensified the dialog further and we began to discuss the politics of our circle.

“So, Ava,” Thalia began, “Nix is planning to stay in town for a while, is that right?”

Echo jumped in, “I heard that too. It has something to do with Ivy, doesn’t it?”

“Nix wants her,” my mother answered proudly. Her eyes lit up for the first time all night, and a real smile played at the corner of her lips. “He’s asked her to join him after graduation.”

All other conversation stopped at this point and we all turned to my mother. Anaxandra, who happened to be sitting next to me, put a hand on mine under the table to reassure me. This surprised me more than my mother’s forwardness. I thought Ana was completely converted to the dark side, but maybe not.

“And she agreed of course?” Thalia’s cool gaze pinned me to my chair, daring me to deny anything. The wicked queen to her daughter’s Snow White looks, she had all the beauty Evaleen and Sloane did except she was aging and she knew it. The wrinkles in her laugh line and looser skin had turned her cruel and greedy.

“He hasn’t asked me formally, yet,” I clarified even though I knew it would cost my mother. “He just mentioned it at dinner once.” I tore my eyes from Thalia’s triumphant stare and noticed the sky had gone completely dark outside. We had been here for hours and there were still hours to get through yet.

“He intends to take her,” my mother spelled out with force. “We’ve had several conversations about her.”

“Won’t that leave you without a legacy?” Echo asked and the note of laughter rang out in the room. These women were so catty; I could feel the few bites I allowed myself for dinner threaten to reappear.