The Resolution of Callie & Kayden
Page 7‘So this is how the youngins celebrate Halloween, huh?’ I ask, my eyes wide as I take in the lounge area packed with people dressed up in so many different types of costume it’s madness I tell you. Everything from ghosts to slutty nurses to some sort of strange-looking zucchini costumes is present. There’s music playing and people are chatting and laughing, and some are even running around and screaming as they drink from plastic cups I’m sure aren’t filled with punch. Where their RA is, I have no clue, but I’m guessing nowhere within a mile radius since I’m pretty sure the noise can be heard from that far.
‘Wait until we get to the concert,’ Seth promises, noting my shocked stare.
‘I’ve never been to a concert,’ I admit as we turn for the exit and step outside into the frigid breeze. The ground is frozen, making the heeled boots I’m wearing a little complicated to walk in. The sun has set; the moon and stars are bright in the sky and twinkling right along with all the orange, black, and purple lights around the area.
‘I know you haven’t.’ Seth steers us to the grass covered by a thin layer of snow and we start to make our way to the parking lot. ‘I promise you’re going to love it, though. In fact, I think …’ He trails off at the sight of a figure crossing the grass toward us. It takes me a moment or two longer to realize who it is.
‘Hey, what are you doing there?’ I ask, releasing Seth’s arm and meeting Kayden halfway. ‘I thought you had practice.’
He doesn’t answer until he reaches me. ‘I know. I left early … I wanted to pick you up.’ He tugs at the bottom of his sleeves, seeming both nervous and excited.
I throw my arms around him and hug him tightly. ‘You didn’t have to do that.’
He looks amazing tonight in his black and grey plaid shirt that’s unbuttoned enough so I can see the black T-shirt he’s wearing that shows off his muscular abs. It’s topped off with a leather jacket, black jeans, and boots, his brown hair just the slightest bit messy in the sexiest way possible. Not really a Halloween costume, but totally not his norm and makes him even more ridiculously better looking than he already is.
‘I know I didn’t.’ He kisses my temple then pulls back to look me in the eye. ‘But I wanted to.’ He opens his mouth to say something else, but then his gaze drifts down my attire. I’m still holding the jacket, even though it’s freezing, so he gets the full view of me.
‘Holy shit,’ he breathes, his arms falling to his sides. He scratches at his wrist, eyes drinking me in. ‘You look—’
‘Don’t say hot,’ Seth warns, strolling up to us. ‘She seems to take that a bit offensively.’
The corners of Kayden’s mouth quirk. ‘I was actually going to say beautiful.’
‘Lair,’ Seth coughs, but then grins.
Repressing a smile, Kayden lifts one of his arms toward me. The first thing I notice is that there’s something sticking out of the sleeve of his shirt … a piece of gauze maybe. But then my eyes travel to what’s in his hand. A rose with a short, bare stem. He takes it and tucks it in my hair beside my ear, making me feel pretty. I’ve never been a fan of looking this way. That is, until now. But I think that has more to do with the way Kayden is looking at me, with this lustful, burning desire.
Screw prom.
This is so, so much better.
I’m about to tell him how much I love him when my attention darts to a pale figure running across the grass, yelling, ‘WOO HOO! Halloween f**king rocks!’
Kayden’s eyes widen as he tracks my gaze then he places a hand over my eyes. ‘What the hell is it with streakers and Halloween? I swear I see at least one a year.’
Seth chuckles. ‘It’s the freedom in the air, to be whoever you want to be.’
‘I’m pretty sure he’s in my English class,’ I say. ‘And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look him in the eye again.’
‘Why?’ Seth asks. ‘You’re not the one who was seen in a very unflattering outfit. You should hold your head up high, baby girl.’
‘I know, but every time I look at him, I’ll picture his …’ I bite down on my lip, unable to finish the sentence, let alone get the picture of what I just witnessed.
This time Kayden laughs and he lowers his hand from my eyes. ‘You’re so adorable.’ Then he kisses me and I don’t feel shy or ashamed. Adorable I can handle. Kayden kissing me I can handle. Seeing more na**d people tonight, I’m not so sure.
The night is turning out to be amazing. The atmosphere is electric, the decor is vibrant in the most eerie way possible, and the rock combined orchestra music the band is playing is hauntingly poetic to the point that it gives me chills. Violet calls it Symphonic Rock.
We’ve been dancing for a while – Seth, Greyson, Violet, and me. Kayden and Luke are hanging out at the table. Luke seems distracted by something and Kayden keeps getting texts from someone, so they’re both living in their own world. It makes me a little sad that Kayden’s not out here with me, but I don’t have time to wallow when Violet decides she’s going to teach me to dance per Seth’s suggestion.
‘There’s no way I can dance like her,’ I tell the both of them, not because I’m afraid, but because I really don’t think I can. Violet dances like a mix between a ballerina and one of those rocker chicks that can head bang in the most elegant way ever. She seriously looks like she belongs on stage with a microphone in her hand, a band of guitars and violins playing in the background.
‘Sure you can,’ Violet says with an encouraging smile that looks foreign on her because she hardly ever smiles. She seems in a good mood tonight, though, so I decide to play along and follow her lead.
‘No, move your hips,’ she instructs, putting her hand on my waist and guiding me to the rhythm. I’m not one for my personal space getting invaded, but I shake it off since we’re standing in the center of a crammed crowd anyway, and try to do what she says. ‘Let the music own you. Don’t overthink it.’
‘And dance like you mean it!’ Seth shouts over the music as he raises his hands in the air.
I take a deep inhale and try to do what they both said, but I’ve never been one for dancing.
‘You’re overthinking it,’ Seth tells me, his eyes wandering over my shoulders. ‘And now you have the perfect distraction.’ My brows furrow as he mouths, Dance like it’s your prom.
All I can picture when he says it is what I’ve seen on movies. Bad music and decorations while people way too overdressed rock back and forth with their hands on each other or do some sort of silly dance off. But then Kayden comes up to me, takes my hand, and spins me around, causing laughter to erupt from my lips.
‘Aw, and the secret dance moves come out,’ I say, laughing when he spins me again and then crashes me against his chest. Kayden once told me that he secretly knew how to dance because his mother used him as a dance partner when he was younger.
The band takes a break and the DJ turns on a song I know. ‘My Immortal’ by Evanescence. It’s slow and relaxing and I find myself unstiffening and leaning against Kayden as I rock to the music and drift away from reality.
‘I hope you’re having fun tonight,’ he whispers in my ear, his hand on the small of my back pulling me closer. There’s something in his touch – a desperation.
‘Of course I am.’ My eyelids slip shut as the warmth of his body drowns me and I pull him closer, wishing he knew that everything was going to be okay. If only I could make him see that somehow, that he’ll always have me, that he’ll never be alone.
‘Good. That’s all I want for you – nothing but fun.’ His breath catches. ‘You deserve to be happy.’
I angle my chin up to look him in the eye. ‘I am happy.’ Unlike him. He looks like he’s in pain, on the verge of crying. ‘Who was texting you?’
He shuts his eyes and shakes his head. ‘I don’t want to talk about it tonight, don’t want to make another one of your nights depressing.’
Where the heck is this coming from?
‘You don’t make any of my nights depressing. What the f**k, Kayden?’ It’s rare for me to curse, so when I do, it has a purpose. Right now, I’m panicking because he looks like a guy that’s about to break up with his girlfriend. ‘A-are you b-breaking up with me?’
His eyes snap wide in horror. ‘What? No! Why the hell would you say that?’
‘Because you look like you’re about to!’
‘I would never say that to you! Ever!’
We’re yelling over the music and I hate it. We never yell, even behind doors, only talk passionately. But this is yelling and it’s the worst feeling in the world.
As if he suddenly realizes we’re in a crowded place, he lowers his voice as he takes my hand. ‘Will you come with me? I have something …’ He exhales loudly and runs his free hand through his hair. ‘I have something I need to talk to you about.’
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I nod then follow him off the dance floor, waving to Seth on my way. Seth gives me a concerned look and then puts his finger and thumb up to the side of his face like a phone. I nod, understanding he wants me to call him later. Then, I turn and focus on my steps because that’s easier than focusing on what the hell just caused Kayden and me to yell at each other for the first time.
After we collect our jackets from coat check, we step outside into the buzzing air that nips at my skin. I instantly slip my jacket on and zip it up, shivering as Kayden leads me to his car. He opens the passenger door for me without saying a word then rounds the car and gets in and turns on the engine, cranking up the heat. He stares out the window, gripping the steering wheel so firmly his hands begin to tremble.
‘I f**ked up,’ he finally says, pulling his hands away from the wheel and wiping his palms on his jeans.
God, I should have asked him.
‘What happened?’ I whisper, even though I sadly know the answer.
He shuts his eyes and rubs his hand down his face, releasing a weighted breath. ‘I was feeling a lot of pressure lately and instead of dealing with it, I let it eat away at me. Then some shit happened today … and I … I sort of just lost it.’ He opens his eyes, but looks ahead instead of at me. ‘That’s why I was able to pick you up today. I had to miss practice so I could go talk to my therapist.’
I know therapy is good for him, glad he does it, but still, sometimes I wish he’d talk to me, too, about stuff.
‘What was the stuff that happened today? Or do you not want to talk about it?’
He rubs his hand down his face again, this time so roughly I’m worried he’s doing it to cause himself physical pain. ‘I should have talked to you to begin with, instead of doing what I did. The therapist says it happens, though. Relapses happen.’ He squeezes his eyes closed, a tear or two slips out. I’m not sure what to do or say, if there’s anything I can do or say since I don’t know what this is about. I know enough to know his cutting comes when he doesn’t want to feel an emotional pain, but what caused him emotional pain?
I’m about to ask him, to try to get him to talk to me again, but this time he gives it to me without me asking. His eyes open and he looks at me, not bothering to hide the tears. ‘Dylan found my mother and father.’
Chapter 9
#145 Fall in Love with the Same Person Again.
Kayden
I’ve always been good at pretending. I pretended that my father wasn’t an abusive ass**le for eighteen years of my life. That my mother wasn’t a sedated zombie for the same amount of time. For twelve years, I pretended that I didn’t cut myself because physical pain was easier than emotional. Pretending in front of Callie has always been hard, though. She’s not so easily persuaded to believe things she knows aren’t real just because it’s easier to deal with than the ugly truth.
Callie always wants the truth, no matter how raw and painful it is. And I need to learn how to give it to her, which is something my therapist and I talked about today after I went in for an emergency visit.
It was Dylan’s call that set me off, but it was the emotions that surfaced afterward that sent me over the edge. Anger. Hurt. Blinding rage. Relief. Guilt over the relief. It ate away at my soul and heart, and instead of feeling it, even though I fought to hang on, I slipped up and let a razor eat away at my flesh and blood. But I still felt guilty afterward for doing it. So I sought help, which is better than what I used to do. And it’s helping me get through the texts Dylan’s sending me of updates on what he found out.
And now I’m seeking Callie, even though I’m scared shitless to put myself out there.
‘What do you mean he found them?’ Callie’s eyes are huge against the pale moonlight. She keeps redirecting her focus from my face to my wrist that’s wrapped in gauze.
I want to touch her, but am afraid to. ‘I mean, he got a hold of them.’ I shrug then shrug again, my shoulders feeling as heavy as pounds of rocks. ‘They’re at a hospital. Been in there for a while. I guess there was some kind of accident and my father’s hurt pretty bad or something.’