The Princess Bride

“May my hands fall from my wrists before I kill an artist like yourself,” said the man in black. “I would as soon destroy da Vinci. However”—and here he clubbed Inigo’s head with the butt of his sword—“since I can’t have you following me either, please understand that I hold you in the highest respect.” He struck one more time and the Spaniard fell unconscious. The man in black quickly tied Inigo’s hands around a tree and left him there, for the moment, sleeping and helpless.

Then he sheathed his sword, picked up the Sicilian’s trail, and raced into the night…

“He has beaten Inigo!” the Turk said, not quite sure he wanted to believe it, but positive that the news was sad; he liked Inigo. Inigo was the only one who wouldn’t laugh when Fezzik asked him to play rhymes.

They were hurrying along a mountainous path on the way to the Guilder frontier. The path was narrow and strewn with rocks like cannonballs, so the Sicilian had a terrible time keeping up. Fezzik carried Buttercup lightly on his shoulders; she was still tied hand and foot.

“I didn’t hear you, say it again,” the Sicilian called out, so Fezzik waited for the hunchback to catch up to him.

“See?” Fezzik pointed then. Far down, at the very bottom of the mountain path, the man in black could be seen running. “Inigo is beaten.”

“Inconceivable!” exploded the Sicilian.

Fezzik never dared disagree with the hunchback. “I’m so stupid,” Fezzik nodded. “Inigo has not lost to the man in black, he has defeated him. And to prove it he has put on all the man in black’s clothes and masks and hoods and boots and gained eighty pounds.”

The Sicilian squinted down toward the running figure. “Fool,” he hurled at the Turk. “After all these years can’t you tell Inigo when you see him? That isn’t Inigo.”

“I’ll never learn,” the Turk agreed. “If there’s ever a question about anything, you can always count on me to get it wrong.”

“Inigo must have slipped or been tricked or otherwise unfairly beaten. That’s the only conceivable explanation.”

Conceivable believable, the giant thought. Only he didn’t dare say it out loud. Not to the Sicilian. He might have whispered it to Inigo late at night, but that was before Inigo was dead. He also might have whispered heavable thievable weavable but that was as far as he got before the Sicilian started talking again, and that always meant he had to pay very strict attention. Nothing angered the hunchback as quickly as catching Fezzik thinking. Since he barely imagined someone like Fezzik capable of thought, he never asked what was on his mind, because he couldn’t have cared less. If he had found out Fezzik was making rhymes, he would have laughed and then found new ways to make Fezzik suffer.

“Untie her feet,” the Sicilian commanded.

Fezzik put the Princess down and ripped the ropes apart that bound her legs. Then he rubbed her ankles so she could walk.

The Sicilian grabbed her immediately and yanked her away. “Catch up with us quickly,” the Sicilian said.

“Instructions?” Fezzik called out, almost panicked. He hated being left on his own like this.

“Finish him, finish him.” The Sicilian was getting peeved. “Succeed, since Inigo failed us.”

“But I can’t fence, I don’t know how to fence—”

“Your way.” The Sicilian could barely control himself now.

“Oh yes, good, my way, thank you, Vizzini,” Fezzik said to the hunchback. Then, summoning all his courage: “I need a hint.”

“You’re always saying how you understand force, how force belongs to you. Use it, I don’t care how. Wait for him behind there”—he pointed to a sharp bend in the mountain path—“and crush his head like an eggshell.” He pointed to the cannonball-sized rocks.