The Pagan Madonna
Page 104"I shouldn't have laughed."
"This damned face of mine!"
"You mustn't say that! Why not try to make over your soul to match it?"
"How is that done?"
The irony was so gentle that she fell silent for a space.
"Are you going to take Mr. Cleigh's paintings when you leave us?"
"My dear young lady, all I have left to be proud of is my word. I give it
to you that I am going after pearls. It may sound crazy, but I can't help
that. I am realizing a dream. I'm something of a fatalist--I've had to
be. I've always reasoned that if I could make the dream come true--this
commit acts at times that were against my nature, my instincts. I've had
to be cruel and terrible, because men would not believe a pretty man could
be a strong one. Do you understand? I have been forced to cruel deeds
because men would not credit a man's heart behind a woman's face. I
possess tremendous nervous energy. That's the principal curse. I can't sit
still; I can't remain long anywhere; I must go, go, go! Like the Wandering
Jew, Ishmael."
"Do you know what Ishmael means?"
"No. What?"
"No. Why should I, since He gave me this withered leg? Please don't preach
to me."
"I won't, then. But I'm terribly sorry."
"Of course you are. But--don't become too sorry. I might want to carry you
off to my atoll."
"If you took me away with you by force, I'd hate you and you'd hate
yourself. But you won't do anything like that."
"What makes you believe so?"
"I don't know why, but I do believe it."
me about yourself--what you did and how you lived before you came this
side."
It was not a long story, and he nodded from time to time understandingly.
Genteel poverty, a life of scrimp and pare--the cage. Romance--a flash of
it--and she would return to the old life quite satisfied. Peace, a stormy
interlude; then peace again indefinitely. It came to him that he wanted
the respect of this young woman for always. But the malice that was ever
bubbling up to his tongue and finding speech awoke.