The Line Between

“You didn’t have to do that,” I said. I hated this kind of attention, and there was only one person who had ever made me feel worthy of it. But he was gone, and his absence was what made me dread this day. Guilt wrapped around my heart, coiling tightly until it was ready to burst. I should be able to enjoy this day, but how can I when the person who meant the most to me in the world would never have a birthday again?

Something in my expression must’ve given my inner turmoil away because Jade nudged my arm, concern etching its way across her features. “Are you okay? It looked like you were somewhere else.”

I’d been staring at the lid of the box, my mind flicking through all the birthdays I’d managed to enjoy until I turned seventeen.

“Yeah,” I replied, trying for a smile. “I was just thinking of something.”

Understanding took the place of concern on Jade’s face, and the look of pity in her eyes is what made me almost crack. Almost.

I plastered on a grin, and flipped the lid of the box before she could read me any longer. Beneath a layer of light purple tissue paper, I found several paperbacks, all from my favorite authors. I had a predilection for indie authors, and Jade and Ashley had been sure to include some of the books I’d been dying to purchase online. I touched the covers, feeling slightly overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness of the gift itself. I’d never needed expensive gifts. I’d always favored gifts that required thought, and intention.

“I love them,” I said, counting a total of eight books. I looked up to Jade and Ashley’s happy faces.

“There’s more,” replied Ashley. Her body hummed with excitement, and anticipation, which only piqued my curiosity. Jade smirked, and they traded a knowing glance.

What are they up to?

I lifted another piece of tissue paper, this one a darker shade of purple, and almost died when I saw what was lying beneath it. My cheeks warmed, and I stifled what I knew would be a frightening combination of a laugh, and a choke.

“What the hell, Jade?” I squeaked. My face was probably the shade of an over-ripe tomato. She laughed, which in turn caused Ashley to do the same. At least they enjoyed my mortification. Me on the other hand? Not so much.

“Well don’t just stare at it,” said Jade. “Pick it up.”

I looked back at the offending object, and then gingerly picked it up. The plastic packaging was hard beneath my hand, and my eyes immediately went to the label.

Ovo K2 Blackberry Rabbit Vibe

“It’s a vibrator,” said Ashley. How could she be so nonchalant about a plastic penis that vibrated?

“I can see that,” I replied, still a little stunned. “Care to explain the brilliance behind this idea?”

I directed my gaze at Jade. “What? Why would you think it was my idea and not Ashley’s?”

“Because you’re the horniest person in this apartment, and the only one brave enough to think of giving me a gift like this. It’s got your name written all over it,” I replied.

“Okay fine.” Jade sighed. “You caught me. I figured you could have some fun on your own.” She winked, and my blush darkened. I wasn’t a prude, but I wasn’t exactly experienced either.

“You’re crazy,” I replied, looking between Jade and Ashley. “Both of you.”

“There’s one more thing in there,” Ashley added.

More? Good Lord, what else could they have gotten me?

That’s when I saw it. A pale blue lace demi bra with beautifully scalloped edging around the top and bottom, the straps, and bows made of silk and satin. The matching thong was made from sheer mesh, with a skirt of scalloped lace and a bow at the center front.

“It’s one of the new sets from Agent Provocateur,” said Ashley. “I had my agent call in a favor, and get it for you before it hit the stores.”

Sure, it was underwear, fucking gorgeous underwear, but the amount of effort Ashley must have gone through to get it for me made me that much more appreciative.

I placed all the items back in the box, and put it aside before enveloping Jade and Ashley in a hug.

“Thank you,” I said, swallowing the sudden rise of emotion in my throat. “I love my gifts.”

“It’s just the start,” replied Jade. “We have a whole lot more fun planned for you.” The glint in Jade’s eyes told me she wasn’t kidding, and I’d started to feel a little more excited about the day ahead.

“First things first,” Ashley clapped her hands together. “We made you a horrendously sweet, and fattening breakfast.”

As if on cue, my stomach grumbled, and we all meandered out into the kitchen where stacks of waffles had been placed on the counter, accompanied by my favorite Ben & Jerry’s ice-cream. Peanut Butter Fudge. If the gifts hadn’t been able to lift my spirits, then all the sugary goodness in front of me definitely had.

We sat at our kitchen counter, stuffing our faces with more sugar than should have been allowed. It was nice to catch up, since our hectic schedules didn’t always allow us to spend time together. We laughed over and over again, and I allowed myself to enjoy it.

It’s what my brother would have wanted.

** ** **

THE APARTMENT WAS quiet when I walked in. I dumped my messenger bag by the door, and stopped short when I saw an elaborate bouquet of flowers on the kitchen counter.

I took the card out, and immediately grimaced.

Happy Birthday, Kennedy.

Love,

Dad & Shelly

Admittedly I was a little surprised. Getting flowers from my father was more than I expected, and I was certain that it was either Lucy or my father’s personal assistant who had sent them. I knew my father remembered my birthday, but it certainly wasn’t in a celebratory way. He remembered it as the day my mother died. Or in his words ‘the day I killed my mother’. He’d made a point of avoiding me from the time the nurses wrapped me in a tiny pink blanket to now, and had managed to make me feel more like an onus than a blessing. For the most part I never felt unloved, thanks to Lucy, and my older brother, Charlie. But I’d hidden the small part of me that had always wanted my father to not only love me, but want me too. After a while I’d stopped hoping, and when he remarried I became invisible to him.

The front door opened, and my sullen mood lifted when Jade and Ashley walked in.

“Hey birthday girl,” Jade greeted. “How has your day been?”

“Pretty good, actually.”

It was the truth. Despite being worried that the day would suck, it turned out to be the opposite. I’d spoken to my grandparents, and filled them in on college life while trying not to cry because I missed them so much. Then I’d spoken to Lucy, promising to pay her a visit soon.

“These are gorgeous,” said Ashley. She closed her eyes and took a whiff of the flowers. “Who are they from?”

“My father,” I replied.

Jade’s eyes bugged out of her head. “Are you fucking kidding me? After nineteen years, he decides to acknowledge you now?”

Her tone was suddenly angry, but I couldn’t bring myself to share her feelings. I was used to being nonexistent to my father, and I had no room in my heart for anger when it wouldn’t change anything. I had one man in my life that had raised me, and he turned out to be enough. I’d done just fine without my father, and that wasn’t about to change.