The Line Between
Page 55“You have to, Dane. We both have to.”
He gripped my arms, and his blue eyes blazed concealed fury. But who was he angry with? Me? Himself? Destiny?
“I won’t accept that, not for one second. Tell me you want me, and we’ll face the rest together, just you and me.”
My chest constricted, and the thin rope that had been keeping me held together, unraveled. He knew as well as I did that walking away was for the better. We could never be more. Our history made sure of that.
“I can’t,” I whispered. “You know it’s better this way, for both of us. Don’t make it harder. Don’t do that to us. Please.”
He stared at me for a long moment, minutes passing like we had an endless amount of time. His eyes grew wet, and I wanted to comfort him, take him in my arms and tell him I loved him, and that we could face anything and everything together, side-by-side. But I couldn’t.
“It shouldn’t be this way.” His voice trembled, and more tears fell.
“I didn’t plan on falling for you,” I sobbed. “But you barged into my world, and filled it with color. You made it so easy to forget how our story started, and I forgave you, but it’s not that simple. We can’t undo the past, and neither of us are willing to let it go so that we can have a chance.”
“It’s not fair,” his voice cracked. “It’s not fucking fair!”
He turned, and flung my shower door open so hard it cracked. I stood motionless, watching him wrap a towel around his waist, and waited until he was gone before I broke down. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. It was never part of the plan. Did I know it would end? Yes. Did I think walking away would be so hard, and hurt as badly as it did? Never.
I slid down the shower wall, the water pelting my skin from every direction. My cries were muffled by the water, and I allowed myself the release, if only just this once. My heart had to let go. It was my only option. I couldn’t risk more with Dane, even if there was a way, because I wouldn’t survive him. I was barely surviving him now.
I wasn’t sure how long I sat on the cold floor, and wept. The water had turned cold a while ago, but I didn’t want to leave the safety of the shower and face what was waiting for me outside.
The shower door opened, and the water stopped. I felt two arms wrap around my body, and lift me up. I was soaked, but Dane didn’t seem to mind it as he carried me towards my bed. I only opened my eyes when he laid me down on my bed, and slipped his earphones into my ears. He said nothing, but the song that started playing was telling me what he couldn’t. Ellie Goulding’s voice started playing through the earphones, and I knew the song well. ‘Be Mine’ was so perfect for this moment. It was our goodbye.
Dane switched off my bedroom light, and left my curtains open. The moonlight bathed his body, and my eyes tracked his movement until he was crawling over me. I parted my thighs, sighing when Dane rested his entire body on mine. His hands touched me everywhere, tracing my curves, committing the feel of my skin to memory. Our eyes clashed, and our mouths connected in an unhurried brush before our tongues collided. Our bodies moved, and his hips lifted so that he could slide into me. I felt, rather than heard, him exhale, his warm breath touching the skin along my neck. My arms curved around his shoulders, and I rolled my hips, taking all of him until every part of us was touching. His movements were slow, controlled, and he raised his head so that he could look at me. The song on his iPod stopped, and I removed the earphones so that I could hear nothing but us, our heavy breathing, the sheets rustling.
Dane pressed soft kisses against my mouth as he pushed in, and out, in and out. Of all the times we’d had sex this hurt the most, only because it wasn’t just sex. He was making love to me, cherishing me, showing me what he felt. It was so intense, so raw, and so beautiful that my eyes welled up again. Nothing would ever feel so perfectly imperfect ever again, no one would ever come close to knowing me the way he did.
Dane grunted, resting his sweat-damp forehead against mine, and I caught the lone tear that traveled down to his lips with my mouth. He was breaking, and so was I, but this moment was still unbroken, and I would keep it close to me.
The words ‘I love you’ were on the tip of my tongue, but Dane swallowed them with a gentle caress of his tongue. Maybe he already knew I loved him, maybe saying it out loud was unnecessary. Our bodies said it all, at every point where our bodies connected, where his skin rubbed against mine, where his eyes touched my face, where his heart raced in time with mine. He was reaching into me in every way, and taking ahold of my heart, and my soul, and taking a piece of both.
With one final, shaky thrust we came together, our mouths falling open as we trembled wordlessly, his tears mixing with mine. That was the moment I gave myself to Dane, every single part, and accepted that I would always be his.
We stayed like that until I shivered from the coldness that had fallen over us. Dane lifted me, and moved the duvet so that he could cover us. Our silence was telling, neither of us feeling the need to spoil anything with useless words, and we stayed awake, staring at each other until his alarm went off the following morning. He pressed me close, kissed me like it was the last time he was ever going to touch me, and then left.
It was the worst goodbye I’d ever had, and I cried into my pillow until I was all out of tears. It was over.
Dane and I had run out of time.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
I WAS MAKING something to eat when Jade stumbled out of her bedroom. She’d arrived home shortly after Dane had left, and I didn’t want to see her until I was sure I’d be able to talk to her without wanting to tell her everything that had been going on. She was after all my closest friend, and the need to talk to her, confide in her, was only natural.
“Hey, girly.” I gave her tight-lipped smile. “How was your trip?”
Jade pulled her messy black hair from her face, and tied it into a topknot on the top of her head. “It was the longest four days of my life. But we laid my abuela to rest, and gave her a proper send off. How about you? Anything interesting happen in my absence?”
That was a loaded question if ever there was one. I wanted so badly to tell her about all of it, about Dane and me, and how the last four days had been the most bittersweet I’d ever had. But I couldn’t, so I lied.
“Nothing major, except that I fell down the stairs the other day, and twisted my ankle. That’s about as much excitement as I’ve had.”
The lie tasted sour as it spilled from my mouth with ease. This was the part I hadn’t really thought about though, what I would tell Jade when her questions didn’t have simple answers. It made me wonder what I was so afraid of? Did I think Jade would judge me? Was I worried about what other people would think if they knew?