The Iron Butterfly

I stiffened at the comment and looked at him in confusion. “I'm not. I could never make up something as awful as that.”

“No, I believe you, I just don't want to admit there are people as cruel and evil as that in our country, but I know that you are indeed speaking the truth because I have seen the evidence. Maybe you really were in Sinnendor and didn’t know it!” He began to pace back and forth, his anger evident in his posture and the clenching of his fists. But the way he did everything bespoke a natural grace.

I watched him pace as I asked myself the question I’d plagued myself with for weeks. Why I was there in the first place? I didn't understand why the Septori didn’t let me go. Of course, deep down, I knew the reason. The Raven would never let me go because I had seen too much. The only way I was leaving that prison was if I was in a wooden box.

And then I started to dwell on Cammie, and how I sent Kael back for her and he was probably dead because of me. The guilt became overwhelming and I buried my head in my knees and wrapped my arms around them to comfort myself and began to rock back and forth. It was too much, I felt as if the shock was finally wearing off and I could finally feel again. But the feelings and emotions were too much, they were consuming me. A few choked sobs escaped my lips as the rocking became faster paced. Joss and Darren glanced at each other in total helplessness.

“Don’t look at me,” Darren said to Joss. “Melani said I’m useless when it comes to understanding or comforting the female kind.”

Joss tried to kneel next to me and put his hand on my back but I stiffened in fright and spat out, “DON’T! Don’t touch me!”

He dropped his hand dejectedly to his side and reached for an extra blanket to wrap around my shoulders instead. I could tell by the look in his eyes that I had hurt his feelings. But after months of being tortured by cruel people, it hurt too much to have anyone touch me without the memories of the tortures coming back.

Darren stoked the fire and spoke with a quick look over his shoulder. “Get some sleep; we have an early morning ahead of us. We are putting as much distance at dawn between us and the Septori as we can. I want to get farther away from Sinnendor’s lands. You are right, I have a feeling that whoever captured you will be looking for you. At first light we will be heading to Haven, the capital of Calandry.”

Darren must have seen me flinch at the news of them postponing leaving until tomorrow, because he went on to quickly explain.

“Our horses are too tired to travel any farther tonight. We’ve been pressing them hard the last few days heading to the Citadel, so Joss can finish his training. There ain't anywhere in the world safer than the Citadel in Haven. It’s the Denai training ground.”

I felt goose bumps travel up my arm at the thought of being surrounded by a whole army of Denai. There was something deeply ingrained in me that made me wary of them. I wasn’t even sure why or where these feelings of mistrust originated from. But I was forced to share a cell with other Denai, like Cammie, and we were all subjected to the same punishment. And over time, because of an inherent need for survival, I learned to ignore most of my misgivings. The Raven was particularly obsessed with the Denai race.

Darren and Joss were whispering to each other and kept casting me furtive looks, before Joss went and sat by the fire. “I will take the first watch,” he said to me. “So you should get some sleep.”

They may have set up a watch to guard against the Septori, but deep down I had a feeling it was to make sure I didn’t run away in the night. They were right. I probably would have run. I had little desire to go to the Citadel but I also had nowhere else to go.

I closed my eyes and tried to piece together what Cammie had said about her kind. She said the city of Haven was populated with both human and Denai. But the Denai race was slowly becoming extinct and fewer each year were born. Whole clans tried to intermarry with them in hopes of breeding young and powerful Denai. It didn’t work.

I forced my mind to think of the tomorrow and resigned myself into going to the Citadel in Haven with Joss and Darren. Maybe they were right, and leaving this all far behind would be for the best. Maybe in this city a young girl with no past could possibly forge a future? “Haven,” I whispered before I let sleep take hold of me.

Chapter 3

We were on the road riding before the rays of the morning sun made an appearance. I could tell Darren was anxious to have us moving in case the Septori were searching for us. His eyes kept scanning the woods as he hastily tossed me one of Joss’ shirts and a pair of his own soft brown pants, I was swimming in both. Joss’ shirt felt soft against my skin and I couldn’t help but hold the fabric to my nose and breathe in the masculine scent. I felt a rush of heat fill my cheeks from embarrassment at what I was doing, hoping neither one caught me in the act.

Darren’s pants on the other hand wouldn’t stay up around my hips and kept falling down. I did the best I could with a spare piece of twine to keep them up. I didn’t have boots but I was fine because we were going to be riding. My feet were calloused from not wearing shoes for so long that I didn’t even notice the cold anymore.

My tattered garments which barely resembled clothes anymore from all of the dirt and blood, lay burning in the fire. I stared emotionless as the cloth burned; the edges turning black and going up in flames, the fire hungry for fuel. I stared until the smoke made my eyes water and sting but I refused to turn away until nothing remained but the gray ash. Feeling a sense of freedom I turned my back on the remains of my past.

Breakfast consisted of day old bread and cheese, things that did not require a fire to warm. I bit into the bread and longed for the day when I would be eating something else. The cheese had a nice smoky flavor to it so I savored it taking small bites. The camp was already broken down and packed away with last night’s ashes spread into the trees, dirt and leaves covering where our campfire was previously. All signs of a camp were erased.

Riding behind Darren on his beautiful white mare Gypsy, I was able to rest my cheek against his back and doze a bit while we rode. Joss and Darren had a total of three horses. I was all for riding solo, but I didn’t have the physical strength to keep the pace that Darren had set.

The tension in the air was suffocating and no one spoke for most of the morning. We stopped to rest the horses and give ourselves a break and then we were on the road again. The farther we got from Sinnendor’s border the more relaxed Darren became, and soon he was back to his jovial state again and even ribbing Joss by telling childhood stories.

“And then there was the time Joss decided he was dead set on courting a girl in town so he cut all of the rare Zythan flowers out of his grandmother’s herb garden. He gave them to the girl and they both had a bad case of hives for the next two weeks. Little did he know that they were a medicinal flower that if prepared right can be a great salve, but when cut fresh and handled with bare hands causes an unbearable rash. She never would talk to him again after that, and to this day she turns white at the sight of Joss and avoids him to all heaven!”

Joss’ ears turned bright red, and he defended himself bravely, “I was eight years old and how was I supposed to know? They were a light blue. I thought that anything medicinal or dangerous would look like a weed!”

Darren’s loud guffaws made Joss kick his horse to trot ahead of us, so he wouldn’t be privy to any more embarrassing childhood stories.