The Iron Butterfly

Slowly my body quit falling. Warmth engulfed me, and the pain ebbed away. I felt myself floating in a warm pool of colorful energy surrounded by the purest light.

The images of the torture and pain faded away and then disappeared altogether. I saw colors floating above me and around me and then pass through me. My body started to feel numb and tingly all over as if I was just waking up from a deep sleep.“Thalia!” I heard Joss calling my name but I felt so comfortable in the pool of light, I didn’t want to wake up.

“Little Fish!” he called again.

That’s it. Now I was irritated. I was going to wake up and give him a piece of my mind, for giving me that ridicules nickname. I urged my body to follow the flow of lights out of the pool. Feeling somewhat lost I walked along a rainbow of energy until I felt my body finally begin to respond.

Opening my eyes I saw that Joss was still holding my hand. He brushed my hair away from my forehead.

“I hate that,” I mumbled.

“Hate what?” Joss questioned.

“Little fish!” I could barely keep my eyes open. It was like I wasn’t fully awake, just barely treading on consciousness. “It’s stupid and childish, just thought you should know.” After I felt I made my point, I let my body and mind go into a deep, dark sleep. Well, until a few minutes ago when I heard the whispered argument and it woke me up.

Healer Prentiss was holding back a furious Joss, who was trying to press through her hands and get around her to get to me.

“Joss, you know that we shouldn’t talk to her until the Adepts do,” she implored. “We are not even really sure what happened?”

“But don’t you think someone should explain to her what happened, so she doesn’t have to face the Adepts unprepared?” There was hidden anger underneath his voice and something else. Fear.

My ears perked up and I snapped to full awareness. I was prepared to report to the Adepts about the dog attack, but I had a feeling that wasn’t what he was referring to.

“The point is she lied!” Prentiss sounded miffed.

“I don’t think so. Don’t forget that Darren and I found her.” He gave a pointed look at Prentiss. “I know the condition that she was found in, I was the one that had to heal her wounds while she was unconscious. She had internal bleeding for goodness sake, and after last night I have firsthand knowledge of what she went through. I know she didn’t lie. And I’m prepared to prove it.” He pushed Prentiss to the side and walked to the side of my bed, stopping short when he realized I was awake and had heard everything.

“Hi,” I said meekly, unsure of what I was about to hear.

“Hey, little fish,” he retorted with a sad grin as he pulled a chair over to my bed and straddled it, leaning his bulky frame upon it.

“I TOLD YOU…!” I started defensively.“Yeah, I know. No more stupid nicknames. I just wanted to be sure that you remembered saying that last night.” He paused. “Actually, I wanted to know how much of last night you remember?”

“All of it,” I intoned sadly. “Though I don’t really understand what exactly happened.”

Healer Prentiss jumped in. “It’s my fault really. I should have given you medicine to numb the pain since you refused the students’ help. But I was in such a hurry.” Her hands fluttered nervously as if she batted an imaginary fly away. She took a deep breath as if steeling herself for what she was about to say. “It seems that when we went to set the bone, your mind and body went shock. You started convulsing.” She stopped speaking and shook her head, bewildered.

“Go on,” I prompted her.

“Joss held on and tried pulling the pain from you, but it wasn’t enough. Your mind was injured.” And with a disapproving glare at Joss, she continued. “He then, without permission or training, tried to heal the pain in your mind.”

Joss nodded. “I know, it was stupid of me, but I could see that you were in terrible pain and I did the only thing I could think of. I tried to pull the memories from you, only to be overtaken by them.”

I looked at Joss in astonishment, speechless. “I thought I saw you there, in the room with me?”

“I was there, Thalia, I saw it all. I saw that machine they used on you, the one that looked like a giant iron butterfly.” He looked grim as he asked, “Was that what it was like for you? Did they put you in it often?”

Feeling ashamed that he witnessed some of my worst memories, all I could do was nod my head. “I’m so sorry Joss. You shouldn’t have had to see that.” I covered my face with my hands in humiliation. “It was some of the most degrading moments of my life.” I could feel my cheeks burn. “There were times I wished for death.”

Joss reached to touch me and I flinched at his touch.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized quickly. “It’s a habit.”

“No, Thalia, I’m sorry. I should not have touched you. I should know how sensitive you are to being touched after witnessing what you went through. After Darren and I found you, I often stayed awake at night and wondered what happened to you. And now that I know,” he paused, as if he couldn’t go on.

“It’s all right,” I tried to console him, because I know how he felt.

“No, it’s not,” he was becoming frustrated with himself. “It’s almost as if…” He grabbed his head with his hands and looked at me with his intense, blue eyes and I saw my own pain mirrored back at me. “I wish now I didn’t know. I wish I could take it all back. That’s all I can see now when I look at you. It’s torture for me to see you in that much pain, to see what you went through. I can feel how much you distrust me and are scared of us. ”

I felt like I was punched in the gut. It was a wish that I had made a hundred times over. And here I was hoping that Joss would be able to understand me a little better, but as soon as he spoke those words, I felt as if a giant crevice in the ground opened up and split us apart. He didn’t want to know. He didn’t care, not really.

I turned my head as if by blocking the sight of Joss I could block the pain and maybe erase what he said. The pain was overwhelming, I was being swallowed up and the one person who may have taken it away, who could have helped me through it, now denies the pain and memories.

“Because now there’s the other problem.”

His words forced me to turn my head back to him, but he looked away from me not willing to make eye contact.

“What?” I asked Joss when he didn’t respond. I looked to Healer Prentiss and her eyes dropped to the floor. “Please!” I begged. “Please tell me what has happened. Is Joss in trouble because he read my mind? Tell me what’s going on.”

“Thalia,” he spoke slowly, as if speaking to a child. “I didn’t read your mind or memories; it’s not one of my gifts.” He stopped and looked me dead in the eye. “Whatever happened, I didn’t do it. You did. I felt myself go weak and watched helplessly while you ripped away my defenses and in a surge of power I’ve never felt before, took over me. I was there because you dragged me there.

Chapter 9

“We have a serious problem here.” Adept Lorna stated firmly.

We were once again in the Adept’s meeting room, only this time all of the Adepts were in attendance as well as three guards who escorted me from the infirmary. Even now they were standing guard out in the hall, in case I tried to escape.