The Husband's Secret

‘Why are you crying, Mum?’ asked Esther.

‘Because they’re so happy,’ said Cecilia.

Because they endured this unacceptable thing. Because that woman probably thought, like so many people had, that the Wall would eventually come down, but not in her lifetime, that she would never see this day, and yet she had, and now she was dancing.

‘It’s weird how you always cry about happy things,’ said Esther.

‘I know,’ said Cecilia.

Happy endings always made her cry. It was the relief.

‘Would you like a cup of tea?’ John-Paul stood up from the dining-room table, while Polly put away her book. He looked at Cecilia anxiously. All evening she’d been aware of his timid, solicitous glances. It was driving her crazy.

‘No,’ said Cecilia sharply, avoiding his eyes. She felt the perplexed gaze of her daughters. ‘I do not want a cup of tea.’

Chapter thirty-one

‘I remember Felicity,’ said Connor. ‘She was funny. Quick-witted. A bit scary.’

They’d moved to Connor’s bed. It was an ordinary queen-sized mattress with plain white Egyptian cotton sheets. (She’d forgotten that: how he loved good sheets, like in a hotel.) Connor had heated up some leftover pasta he’d made the night before and they were eating it in bed.

‘We could be civilised and sit at the table,’ Connor had offered. ‘I could make a salad. Put out placemats.’

‘Let’s just stay here,’ Tess had said. ‘I might remember to feel awkward about this.’

‘Good point,’ Connor had said.

The pasta was delicious. Tess ate hungrily. She felt that ravenous sensation she used to feel when Liam was a baby and she’d been up all night breastfeeding.

Except instead of a night innocently suckling her son, she’d just had two very boisterous, highly satisfying sexual encounters with a man who was not her husband. She should have lost her appetite, not got it back.

‘So she and your husband are having an affair,’ said Connor.

‘No,’ said Tess. ‘They just fell in love. It’s all very pure and romantic.’

‘That’s horrible.’

‘I know,’ said Tess. ‘I only found out on Monday, and here I am –’ She waved her fork around the room, and at herself and her own state of undress (she was wearing nothing but a T-shirt of Connor’s which he’d taken from a drawer and handed her, without comment, before he went off to make the pasta; it smelled very clean.).

‘Eating pasta,’ finished Connor.

‘Eating excellent pasta,’ agreed Tess.

‘Wasn’t Felicity quite a . . .’ Connor searched for the right word. ‘How can I put this without sounding . . . Wasn’t she quite a sturdy girl?’

‘She was morbidly obese,’ said Tess. ‘It is relevant because this year she lost forty kilos and became extremely beautiful.’

‘Ah,’ said Connor. He paused. ‘So what do you think is going to happen?’

‘I have no idea,’ said Tess. ‘Last week I thought my marriage was good. As good as a marriage can be. And then they made this announcement. I was in shock. I’m still in shock. But then again, look at me, within three days. Actually two days, I’m with an ex-boyfriend . . . eating pasta.’

‘Things just happen sometimes,’ said Connor. ‘Don’t worry about it.’

Tess finished the pasta and ran her finger around the bowl. ‘Why are you single? You can cook, you can do other things,’ she gestured vaguely at the bed, ‘very well.’

‘I’ve been pining for you all these years.’ He was straight-faced.

‘No you haven’t,’ said Tess. She frowned. ‘That is, you haven’t, have you?’

Connor took her empty bowl and placed it inside his own bowl. He put them both on the bedside table. Then he lay back against his pillow.

‘I did actually pine for you for a while,’ he admitted.

Tess’s cheerful feeling began to slip. ‘I’m sorry, I had no idea –’

‘Tess,’ interrupted Connor. ‘Relax. It was a long time ago, and we didn’t even go out for that long. It was the age difference. I was a boring accountant and you were young and ready for adventures. But I did sometimes wonder what could have been.’

Tess had never wondered. Not even once. She’d barely thought of Connor.

‘So you never married?’ she asked.

‘I lived with a woman for a number of years. A lawyer. We were both on track for partnership, and marriage I guess. But then my sister died and everything changed. I was looking after Ben. I lost interest in accounting around the same time that Angela lost interest in me. And then I decided to do my degree in physical education.’

‘But I still don’t get it. There’s a single dad at Liam’s school in Melbourne and the women swarm all over him. It’s embarrassing to watch.’

‘Well,’ said Connor, ‘I never said they didn’t swarm.’

‘So you’ve just been playing the field all these years?’ said Tess.

‘Sort of,’ said Connor. He went to speak and then stopped.

‘What?’

‘No. Nothing.’

‘Go on.’

‘I was just going to admit something.’

‘Something juicy?’ guessed Tess. ‘Don’t worry, I’ve become very open-minded ever since my husband suggested I live in the same house as him and his lover.’