The Heart

I had not formed my plan of taking part in the coming insurrection

without many misgivings lest I should by so doing bring harm upon

the Cavendishes. But on discussing the matter in all its bearings

with Major Robert Beverly, whom I had ever held to be a man of

judgment, he assured me that in his opinion there could no possible

ill result come to such a household of women, especially when the

head of it was of such openly-avowed royalist leanings. Unless,

indeed, he admitted, the bringing over of the arms and the powder

was to be traced to Mistress Mary Cavendish. This he said, not

knowing the secret of his first wife's tomb, and I feeling, as

indeed I was, an arch deceiver. But what other course is left open

to any man, when he can shield the one he loves best in the whole

world only at the expense of some one else? Can he do otherwise but

let the other suffer, and even forfeit his sense of plain dealing? I

have lived to be an old man, and verily nothing hath so grown in the

light of my experience as the impossibility of serving love except

at a loss, not only to others, but to oneself. But that truth of the

greatest importance in the whole world hath also grown upon me, that

love should be served at whatever cost. I cared not then, and I care

not now, who suffered and who was wronged, if only that beloved one

was saved.

I went home that night from Barry Upper Branch riding a horse which

Dick Barry lent me, on learning that I had come thither without one,

though not in what mad fashion, and Sir Humphrey rode with me until

our roads parted. Much gaming was there that night after we left; we

leaving the Barrys and my Lord Estes and Drake and Captain Jaynes

and many others intent upon the dice, but Humphrey and I did not

linger, I having naught to stake, and he having promised his mother

not to play. "Sometimes I wish that I had not so promised my

mother," he said, looking back at me over his great boyish shoulder

as he rode ahead, "for sometimes I think 'tis part of the estate of

a man to put up stakes at cards, and to win or lose as beseems a

gentleman of Virginia and a cavalier. But, sure, Harry, a promise to

a man's mother is not to be broke lightly, and indeed she doth ask

me every night when I return late, and I shall see her face at the

window when I ride in sight of the great house; but faith, Harry, I

would love to win in something, if not in hearts, in a throw of the

dice. For sure I am a man grown, and have never had my own will in

aught that lies near my heart." With that he gave a great sigh, and

I striving to cheer him, and indeed loving the lad, replied that he

was but young, and there was still time ahead, and the will of one's

heart required often but a short corner of turning. But he was angry

again at me for that, and cried out I knew not for all I was loved in

return, the heart of a certain maid as well as he who was despised,

and spurred his horse and rode on ahead, and when we had come to the

division of the road, saluted me shortly, and was gone, and the sound

of his galloping died away in the distance, and I rode home alone

meditating.