The Fragile Ordinary

“Comet, what happened?” he asked as I checked out my reflection.

I busied myself fixing the blobs of mascara at the corners of my eyes and rubbing the tear tracks away. “I overreacted to something Kyle said.”

“Overreacted how?”

I shut the compact, feeling my eyes burn with fresh tears. My lips trembled as I tried to keep it together. “They’re not having a party and he suggested I should stay home. I... I don’t know what happened. I just lost it. I confronted him about choosing Carrie over me all the time and never being there for me.”

“Shit.” My boyfriend enfolded me in his arms and I clung to him for dear life.

“He admitted he loves her more than me.” I shook hard with the force of trying to stop my tears. “I knew. I knew. But it feels like someone just punched a hole in my chest. I can’t breathe.” I shuddered and shook, struggling to contain the hurt.

Tobias’s arms tightened around me and then I heard him whisper in my ear, over and over, “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

My anchor, he pulled me back to myself, to him, and slowly, but surely, I began to breathe again.

* * *

Tobias had offered to spend Christmas Eve with me alone, considering what had just occurred between me and Kyle. Yes, I was devastated by the brief conversation. I was also confused by my reaction, because Kyle hadn’t told me anything I didn’t already know. To hear him confess his own weak will when it came to Carrie, to hear from his own mouth that yes, he did love her more than me and that he’d choose her over me no matter what was painful. I didn’t know if his fears about Carrie’s issues were founded. Maybe. I guess I didn’t know the woman who was my mother well at all. She’d never been verbally unkind to me, though. Her cruelty had always been in her indifference.

Those were my thoughts, going around and around like they were stuck on some twisted, hellish merry-go-round, when I walked into Tobias’s new house.

I tried to focus on Lena. I discovered, however, as I followed her through the narrow hallway of the three-bedroom house in the more affluent area of Porty that Tobias did take after his father in looks. There was a photo hanging on the wall in the hallway of a younger Tobias standing in between Lena and a man I knew must have been his dad. They stood outside a huge white house that reminded me of the wealthy homes featured in John Hughes’s movies. Like Tobias, his dad was extremely tall, broad-shouldered, with fair good looks.

I’d slowed down to look at the photo, and Tobias turned around to see what was keeping me.

“Your dad?”

His eyes flicked to the photo, and I hated the pain that shimmered in his gaze. He nodded and I squeezed his hand.

“Would you like something to drink, Comet?” Lena called from the kitchen. “We have water, Coke, orange juice. Or I could make us all hot chocolate.”

I tugged Tobias away from the photo. There was no need for us both to be a sad, wallowing mess today. “Yes, Mrs. King, hot chocolate sounds lovely.” We wandered into the small, modern kitchen to find her waiting on us.

“I thought I told you to call me Lena.”

“Of course, sorry.” I gave her a smile, trying to ignore the fact that she was raking her eyes over my outfit like she had the last time I saw her.

It was Christmas, so I’d decided on a burgundy long-sleeved thermal with gold sparkles through it, matched with a short burgundy velvet skirt with a dark red tulle underskirt that stuck out rock-chick style from the skirt. I wore thick, black tights and Irregular Choice burgundy suede ankle boots in the Victorian style. They seemed simple until I turned around—they had a huge gold jacquard bow pinned to the back of the ankle.

I’d added a bunch of chunky gold bracelets up both arms so I jingled when I moved.

I’d considered toning my clothes down but this was me, and Tobias knew this was me and all that mattered was that he loved me, loud fashion sense and all. Still, I smoothed my hands down my skirt nervously until Tobias captured one of them in his own.

Glancing up at him in question, I found myself caught by the tender reassurance in his eyes. He drew my hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to it while his gaze held mine, and I felt like he was silently reminding me not to worry what she thought of me because he thought I was perfect.

The sound of a throat clearing broke our moment and we turned to find his mum staring at us wearing a huge smile. “Hot chocolate.” She gestured to the mugs in front of us.

Her assessment of my appearance ceased and instead she studied my interactions with her son. In fact, she watched everything Tobias did, and she did it in a way that made me think she missed him. I knew they’d talked and he was attempting to repair the damage to their relationship, but I perceived a wariness in Lena’s behavior. Like she was scared of making the wrong move—one that might cause him to shut her out again.

We’d somehow gotten on to the topic of being clumsy, and I was telling them about my most embarrassing klutzy moment. “Someone had smashed in the huge oval glass panels in the science corridor doors but I didn’t know about it. They just removed the entire damaged pane, and I wasn’t paying attention so I missed the warning sign on the door. Instead I was turning around, yapping away to Vicki about something and I just put my arm out to push the door open. Except my arm went right through and I was going at such a momentum that my entire upper half went through so that I ended up dangling over the insert of the door with my skirt up over my back for the whole world to see my underwear. Of course I didn’t know what had happened so I just kind of dangled over it for a while, trying to work out why my nose was inches from the ground, why my butt felt chilly and why I could hear my friends and every other person in the hallway cackling with laughter.”

Tobias was laughing at the story and I slapped his arm. “It wasn’t funny!”

“I’m sorry.” He kept laughing. “I can just picture it. Did anyone open the door while you were still hanging over it?”

My expression turned stony. “Heather.”

I could see him struggling to contain his amusement, and I threw his mother an exasperated look that made her smile.

“I can tell you about the time Tobias broke his arm trying to climb the tree outside of his favorite teacher’s house.”

His laughter died, turning to mock horror. “No, Mom, don’t.”

Lena immediately flinched. “Oh. Okay.”

Tobias made a face. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just embarrassing.”

“So I can tell it?”

I felt unsettled by the strain between them, realizing they still had a way to go before they’d be comfortable with one another again.

“Let’s just eat and put on a movie or something.” Tobias shifted the conversation.

It did seem easier for them to have the buffer of having something to do rather than being faced with more real conversation but that seemed normal, I thought. Mending their relationship would take time.

The rest of the afternoon was good, and Lena seemed to warm to me. I still had my insecurities about her, but she relieved me of those when Tobias excused himself just as I was getting ready to leave.

“I like you with him,” Lena said as soon as he was out of earshot.

I blushed. “Thank you.”

Her gaze drifted over me but this time she smiled. “You’re not at all like the girl he used to date back home, but I can see that’s a good thing. You surprised me at first. But the way he is with you...” Her gaze turned introspective. “I like what I see. And although I love Stevie and he’s family, he wasn’t a good influence. Since Tobias started dating you, he’s stopped hanging around with his cousin. He’s doing his homework again, bringing home good grades, playing a sport... He seems to be finding himself again and I just... I can tell you’ve had a part in influencing that. Thank you.”

Embarrassed by her praise but glad of it, I said, “Tobias would have found his way back to himself with or without me. I really believe that.”

“Yes, maybe. But you got him there faster. I’m glad he has you.”

I bit my lip to contain the massive grin that wanted to burst across my face. “Thanks. And thank you for a lovely day and dinner.”