The Fragile Ordinary

An awful apprehension kept me standing in the middle of the school corridor as he walked away, questioning if I’d understood what he was insinuating. How could he threaten me like that? Like it was okay. Like it was his right.

And no one seemed to see or care.

I stared around, checking faces through blurred vision, but everyone was just chattering among themselves, not seeing me there, which didn’t seem possible because somehow I was standing in the middle of the school corridor fearful and vulnerable.

And that made me so angry I couldn’t breathe.

A single tear dripped down my cheek and I brushed it aside impatiently as my rage seeped through the threat. Whether he really meant he’d assault me or whether it was said just to terrorize me, like Alana this morning, I wouldn’t let him have the satisfaction of my fear.

I covered my chest with my books, holding them tight to me like a barrier, as I finally came unstuck. By the time I got to class, I was a mass of confusion and emotions. Jimmy’s insidious threat echoed over and over in my head and I think I finally realized that Stevie wasn’t coming back to Tobias and me.

“You look chalk white. What happened?” Vicki said in a hushed voice as I took my seat next to her in history.

Just seeing her, my ally, my friend, the tears threatened and I had to choke them back.

“Comet?” She gripped my hand, leaning in to me. “What happened?”

The whispered retelling just bubbled out of me and by the time I was done Vicki looked ready to kill someone. “Even if he was just messing with you, he can’t get away with saying that to you. Or cornering you when you’re on your own. You have to tell Tobias,” she insisted.

“Ladies, I’m sorry to interrupt what I’m sure is a fascinating discussion but if you could pay attention that would be wonderful.” Our history teacher rolled her eyes at us.

I shot Vicki a quelling look.

But only class kept her quiet. As soon as the bell rang she said, “Maybe you should tell a teacher. Mrs. Penman or Mr. Jenkins?”

“If I tell someone, I have to tell them why Jimmy and Alana are coming after me. It’ll lead back to Stevie and everything will come out. He could go to juvie, Vick.”

“Why are you still protecting him?” She was no longer hiding how beyond frustrated she was with me. “If Tobias knew what just happened he would not protect Stevie, I can assure you.”

“Don’t you dare tell Tobias.”

Her eyes widened. “Comet, this was serious before but now it’s in serious, serious territory.” She hissed under her breath, “Jimmy just insinuated he was going to assault you. Even if he’s just trying to scare you, it’s messed up!”

“Shh!” I glanced around to make sure no one was listening. “Look, what do you want me to do? It’s either we put up with them until they get bored or we tell someone and Stevie gets into trouble.”

“You don’t have to tell them anything about the drugs.”

“He’d still get into trouble.”

“At school. Big deal.”

“The big deal is that his life is hell, Vick. He feels betrayed.”

“That doesn’t mean you deserve this. Stop being a martyr and do something.”

There was a part of me that was angry at her but only because she was speaking to the girl inside of me who wanted to fight. Yes, Stevie’s life was crap right now, but how did his get any better by making my life worse? There was trying to be a friend, and then there was being a doormat. I didn’t want to be the latter. Finally, I sighed. “You’re right. I’ll talk to Stevie.”

“Not without Tobias.”

I scowled at her. “Telling Tobias sort of defeats the purpose of standing up for myself.”

She glowered right back at me, and we walked to the cafeteria in strained silence.

Lunch was painful. Vicki kept throwing me pointed glares that silently told me to tell Tobias what Jimmy had said, and Tobias kept staring at us in suspicion. He grew steadily more frustrated when I denied that anything was the matter. My plan had been to get through the rest of the day and then find Stevie and unearth the courage to tell him to back off.

Thanks to Vicki, I didn’t have time to execute my lame plan.

School was over and I walked out of the building alone, feeling unnerved, full of trepidation, wondering what would come of my confrontation. To my shock, I was confronted. And by my boyfriend.

He hurried out of the school toward me. “You weren’t going to tell me,” he seethed, his tone incongruous to his actions as he pulled me into him for a hug. “I am so done with this. We’re talking to Stevie together.”

I gripped him tight. “Vicki told you.”

“Yes. And Jimmy is lucky I was in class when she did, because it gave me time to calm down. He still gets a threatening warning, though.”

“Tobias, don’t.”

His grip on me tightened, his gaze fierce. “Jimmy likes to act big but he’s a bug, a tiny, repulsive little bug, and I need him to know that if he touches you I’ll squash him for good.”

“I wish you wouldn’t talk like that,” I grumbled, pulling out of his hold.

“Yeah, well I wish bullies could be fought with rainbows and unicorn shit, but they can’t,” he snapped at me.

I threw my head back and let out a yell through gritted teeth.

He cupped the nape of my neck, massaging it gently. I closed my eyes at the feel of his lips on my temple. “I love you, you know that, right?” he murmured, nuzzling me.

Leaning back into him, I sighed. “I love you, too. I just...can’t believe what a day it’s been. And it’s not over. Please...please don’t get into it with Jimmy. Promise?”

“Hey, I think that I have done impressively well up to this point.” Tobias defended himself. “But threatening you like that crossed a line. Don’t pretend it didn’t.”

“So let’s go talk to the ringleader and end this once and for all.”

Determination hardened his features. “He could be at the park where they get high sometimes.”

“What if they’re all there?” I said.

“If we see them all there, we’ll leave and find another time to get Stevie on his own.”

As it turned out, they weren’t all there.

But Stevie and Jimmy were there in the graffiti-covered, run-down old playpark that was strewn with old battered soda cans, empty crisp packets and stubbed-out cigarettes.

Stevie was sitting on a rusted swing smoking a roll up while Jimmy leaned against the metal frame laughing at something his friend had said. Neither of them were dressed for winter, wearing only hoodies and tracksuit bottoms. It hadn’t escaped my notice that Stevie had stopped wearing the hat, scarf and gloves I’d gifted to him. It wouldn’t have surprised me to discover that he had burned them.

The thought didn’t have much time to hang around, however, because as soon as Tobias saw Jimmy he forgot all about staying calm. One minute he’d been at my side and then the next he was sprinting toward Jimmy like a bull at a red flag. Stevie jumped off the swing, eyes round with surprise. Jimmy turned to follow his friend’s gaze and tensed at the sight of Tobias. It was too late, though. Tobias kept running at him and as soon as he neared him he threw a right hook that hit Jimmy with such force it knocked him off his feet.

“Tobias!” I yelled, my feet finally coming unstuck. I ran toward them, watching as Jimmy cupped his nose and groaned on the asphalt of the playpark.

To my relief, Tobias just stood over him, not making another move to attack. “You come near her again and I’ll kill you. You think ’cos I’ve stayed quiet, let you assholes taunt us, that I’m soft? You have no idea what I’m capable of.”

“What the hell is goin’ on?” Stevie said, looking down at his friend, his mouth slack with shock.

As I drew to a stop by Tobias I gaped at how painfully thin Stevie had gotten. It was more than drug abuse. He obviously wasn’t eating much at all, and I wondered why. Was all the money he was supposedly making doing drug deals going back into his own drug habit, and his mum didn’t know because she was so sick? What about his little brother? Was someone feeding Kieran? My old friend stood and faced us in nothing but a hoodie and jeans, and he trembled. But there was something...twitchy about it. Like it wasn’t from the cold...but from an irritation, an impatience for something. “Whit? Whit dae ye want?”